Team 'Just Wax Random Narwhals'
by Kitsune-Dama
Summary: "Well, I can now confidently say that Jaune Arc has the WORST LUCK I have ever seen! Hyperactive ginger pancake lover, gothic lolita with a weapon fetish, an ice cold heiress of the worlds wealthiest company, plus that other team with the blond bombshell, silent monk, black cat, and... Whatever Pyrrha is. And now books are falling from the sky! 'Dummies guide to Harems'... What?"
1. Could have had a V8- or 9, I don't judge

**More stories, you must be asking, even though you can't keep up with your other stories already out?**

 **Yes, more stories, even though the previous thing.**

 **I don't know, I'm weird. Anyway, new story, I own nothing used in the story except the OC, and there will probably be more new stories some time in the near future- MWAHAHA! I LIVE TO ANNOY YOU ALL!**

 **Man, I have a problem...**

Enlividated.

I feel like that word has already been used somewhere else before. Though that would be a good thing, because now I have an actual word that accurately describes my _RAGE_!

" _ **Oh, please. That isn't a word, even in your diminutive, mind addled world.**_ " Oh _joy_. Just who I wanted to hear at this exact moment. "That was _sarcasm_ if you couldn't understand, bitch." " _ **Yes, and I don't care, if you couldn't understand, douche."**_ Hn. Maybe talking back against a voice in my head that has access to all my quips and remarks isn't the best thing to do right now. " _ **Oh, so NOW you think it's a bad time to bad mouth me."**_ Ignoring the voice(Not for the first time-) I got off the floor and looked around the hall. "Well, guess all that's left to do is figure out what to do now." " _ **You have to ask that? It's obvious what to do! Follow the bitch that started all this!"**_ "I mean, I _could_ do that, but, what's the point?" " _ **What's the POINT? The**_ **point** _**is to stop whatever the hell she is trying to do, and you can't do that if you don't figure out where she went, so follow her before she can get away!"**_ "Why should I care what she's doing? For all I know, she won't ever come back here, and I could live out the rest of my life just sitting around doing nothing!" " _ **Oh like HELL I'll let you do nothing for the rest of your life while I'm still in your head!"**_ "But, I like doing nothing-" " _ **And if you like having your penis still attached to your body, then you'll go through that GOD DAMN DOOR!"**_ "Go through that door, huh?" " _ **YES!"**_

Walking up to the door, I looked at the snow white doorknob and the grey door and rusted frame. "You want me to go through the door, huh?" " _ **If I have to tell you to grab the damn knob and open the door one more time, Mu, you won't have enough fingers to grab YOUR knob once I'm through with you!"**_ "Alright, alright. But, just to be sure-" I lifted my right hand and pointed. "Go through _that_ door, right?" " _ **YES! FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, YES! NOW GO!"**_ "Uh huh… I'll go through the door, alright." Going up to the door, I grabbed the white, _red_ , _black_ , and _yellow_ colored knob. " _ **Wait, what are you doing?!"**_ "What? I'm doing exactly what you told me to do! I'm going through _this_ door. The one I _pointed_ to." " _ **You ASS, you know I can't see through anything but your eyes and can't feel whenever you lift an arm! Don't-"**_ "Too late." Opening the door to the immediate right of the original door Oracion had gone through, I went through the frame even as the voice in my head was screaming it's lungs off telling me not to do it.

* * *

"Oh god, I should have went through the other door!" Quickly grabbing my mouth before the contents of my stomach could make themselves known to everyone, I found a wastebasket to my left and went to it, throwing up everything I could into it. "Ugh, I haven't felt this sick since that Round-Robin drinking tournament we had at the AA meeting when Warusaki made a guest appearance…" Hurling up more of my stomach's insides into the basket, I groaned and stumbled away from the scene of the crime(The crime was that my stomach was a betraying _dick_!).

As I heard an explosion sound somewhere in front of me, I figured something out."Woah!" Stopping to look around at my surroundings, I found them to be completely different from the building I had been in, or even Kyoto City for that matter. Massive ships were flying through the air, kids were running about everywhere, and there was even a giant building in up ahead of me, most likely a school of some kind if all the young teens milling about were of any indication. "Beacon Academy…" Wait, how did I know what this place was called? And, come to think of it, there were a lot of things that I suddenly knew that I didn't even know existed 5 minutes ago! "Beacon, Hunters, family, bullheads, airsickness- what the hell is going on?"

And why did I suddenly have the urge to go out and buy the newest X-Ray and Vav comic?!

Looking down to look at myself as well, I could see my old outfit was replaced with black high tops, a pair of blue jeans with a white patch at the left knee, held up by a brown belt, which criss-crossed with another belt of a different shade of brown, and a short-sleeved black hoodie with some sort of detached scarlet sleeves, covered by brown working gloves that were fingerless with metal plates over the knuckles. Over the hoodie, was a chest plate and elbow pads. Reaching up to my head, I pulled down my hair, revealing it to be a mix of both my long spiky style and a blonde color that I didn't have before(Starting to think I body snatched some poor sap-)."Okay, Mu, calm down, and FREAK THE HECK OOOOOOOOOUT!" I started screaming and ran in a random direction, waving my hands around in the air wildly as I did so.

The sad thing was I couldn't tell if that was the influence affecting me, or if it was just entirely me.

… I hate myself.

"Oomph!" Tripping on something, I almost fell to the ground, but managed to catch myself by flipping on my hand and landing back on my feet. "Man, that scraped my hand-" "OH-MY-GOSH!" Turning to look at what I had tripped on, I had to look down quite a bit to see a starry eyed, tiny teen girl in a red riding hood like outfit(Holy crap, I'm MASSIVE now! FINALLY!). "The way you were about to fall to the ground because you tripped on me- which I'm sorry for by the way- but saved yourself by landing on your hand and doing a flip was so AWESOME!" "Uuuuuuuuh, thanks." "Yeah! It totally makes up for back in the airship when you vomited everywhere!" "... Where I _what_?"

* * *

"I don't care what anyone says, motion sickness is a chronic disease that needs immediate research to find a cure." I don't know how we transitioned from the front of the building to one of the paths that definitely didn't lead to where we needed to go(Seriously, there was a _pond_ over here for god's sake- or whatever the hell the people in this universe worship, I don't know, the knowledge was kind of fuzzy and blurred out by other ones of stupid comic books and video games.), but we were walking along it anyway, talking about vomit, dust(Whatever _that_ was-), and, for some reason, annoying siblings(I apparently had 7- yeah, surprised me too.). "Um, I don't think motion sickness is a disease, and I already said I was sorry about calling you vomit boy! It was just the first thing that came to mind!" "Sure, sure, Crater Face." "The explosion was an accident!" "Yeah, and so was the vomit, but you don't see me complaining about projectile _explosions_." "Okay, okay! I'm sorry…" I sighed and shook my head.

You just couldn't stay mad at something that looked worse than a kicked puppy.

"Jaune." "Ja-wha?" "Jaune Arc; my name. Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue- ladies love it." She raised an eyebrow. "Do they?" I shrugged. "Haven't gotten a complaint from any yet." Neglected to mention she currently was the only one that I had given it too, but whatever. The walk had turned rather awkward in the 5 seconds that neither of us said anything, and I scratched the back of my head as the girl next to me started fidgeting. "So, I got this!" Stopping so that I wouldn't get cut as a scythe slammed into the ground in front of me, I examined it. "Hm. A tool that has been transformed into a belligerent weapon of mass eradication from an outdated agricultural farm utensil." She gave me a blank look. "A 'Sythe'- or scythe, in today's lingo." "Oh- it's also a customizable, high-impact, sniper rifle!" She locked the cartridge to get the point across. "Sniper, eh? Neat." "Yeah! So, what do you have?"

Good question-

"Oh, uh, I got, this… Thing…"

…

"I LEFT MY SWORD ON THE PLANE!" Ohhhhhhhh, _this_ was gonna suck- especially considering that thing was a damn _heirloom_! An heirloom to a clan that I didn't even know existed until about 30 minutes ago, but still, it was the only weapon I had to take into this 'Hunter' school. "You- you left your weapon somewhere?! HOW?" "I don't know, I just, DID! I must have been in such a hurry to find a trash can, that I forgot all about it!" Which was weird, because if memory serves right, the sword was attached to my person by my belt and sheath(A sheath which was _also_ gone now.)… "Well, guess I'm barebacking it for a while." "You, you mean you're gonna go into Beacon _weaponless_?!" The girl gasped as I sighed. "Looks like it; gotta thank all those hand-on-hand classes I took back in my early days." I shivered at the thought of it. "I still have the hand prints on my neck from the last one." "But, but, aren't you, like, scared about the thought of going up against Grimm without some form of protection? What if you get injured on a mission because of it, or, or, or, DIE?! I can't take that! You're my first friend here, and I don't want to see you die!"

Jesus, this chica made Speedy Gonzales look like his slow ass cousin with the amount she was running around and how fast she was fretting with herself.

"Easy there, Red." I grabbed her hood before she could run around me again(I was starting to get sick again with how fast she was doing that-) and lifted her off the ground. "I ain't dumb, nor weak; I think I can take a beating or two and still live to tell the tale." God knows I wouldn't be here if I couldn't… "But, but-" "Yes, I like butts as much as the next man, but now isn't the time for butts." Throwing her over my shoulder, I turned to her as she started blushing and pounding my chest to get me to put her down(Fat chance- she hits like a kitten!). "So, which way are we going?" "... I thought you knew." "Nnnnno, I was just following you… Even if I knew that we were obviously going the wrong way-" "Wait, WHAT?!" "Yeah, I mean, we were _right_ at the entrance, but you decided to walk off in some random direction, and I just went along with it." "You, _do_ know the way back though, right?"

Normally, I would- either by remembering the way we had come from, or just searching out presences with my Pesquisa to find where the vast majority of people were allocated at, but thanks to these damn thoughts and memories that weren't mine, I didn't remember the way we came from at all, and for some reason, which really disturbed me, I couldn't access my Reiatsu to do anything with, so we were SOL.

"Nnnnnnnope." "That- is not good." "Yeeeeeep."

…

"Think this place has a map, or a notorious landmark, or something I can use to get us to the first year orientation on time to not get kicked out?" "Nnnnnnope." "... Run for it?" "That sounds like a swell plan of action."

* * *

"So, before we walk in there, can you, you know- PUT ME DOWN?!" The girl continued to pound on my chest as my gait to the entrance ceremony halted. "Ah, and here I was hoping to flaunt around my new trophy to everyone." I teased as Ruby blushed redder than her namesake and used her hood to cover her face. "You're no fun." I pouted and lowered her to the ground, where she dusted off the anything that could have gotten on her outfit from our trip off her clothes. "Well, we're here! And now, I am off to find some POOOOOON!" "Poon?" I left the confused girl to get to her waving blonde haired friend(Waving blonde haired _busty_ friend, huehuehue!) to find some poor girls to hit on.

"So, you come here often?" "I'm a first year, dumb ass- and this is a school that I am required by law to attend everyday!"

"Hey, baby. Did it hurt? Falling from heaven, I mean?" "Not nearly as much as the kick to your groin I am about to give you will be."

"Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only Ten I see-" "What's a 'Tennessee'?"

Man, girls in this world were _harsh_!... Or stupid, and neither of those things are attractive(In large bursts-)!

"Rubyyyyyyyyyyyyy, the girls at this school- other than you- are so meeeeeeeeean!" I whined as I dragged myself to where Ruby and her friend were standing and placed my head on her shoulder, seeking comfort. "Um, there, there?" She awkwardly patted my head as I sighed and stood back up fully. "You're not very good at comforting people, are you?" "Hey! I'm fifteen, I don't _need_ to be good at that yet!" Fifteen? Wasn't the required age to come to this school like, 17? Eh, whatever, there were more pressing matters to attend to, anyway-

"So, Ruby, who's your friend right there, and are they single?" "Huh? Oh, that's Yang! And she's not my friend, she's my sister!" Aw god, dang it. I can't put the moves on the sister of someone as cute and innocent as _Ruby_ \- not without feeling like a total ass, anyway. "A terrible sister, at least." She glared(Read: Pouted.) at Yang, who looked sheepish and was rubbing the back of her head, and turned away from her. Aaaaaaand, strike one. "Hey, I'm Jaune. Jaune Arc, short, sweet, rolls off the tongue; ladies _love_ it." "Do they now?" The sassier sister cocked an eyebrow and smirked at me. "Yeah- or at least, that's what my mommy and sisters said." She just looked at me blankly. "Not doin' it for ya, is it?" A shake of the head. "Ah well, so much for starting off this meeting with a _Yang_ ~" I snickered at my own pun, before looking back at the party and seeing Ruby's horrified expression and Yang's absolutely shit eating grin. "You and me- we're gonna get along _juuuuuuuuuuust_ fine!" "Something tells me, you and me together, is gonna be _Arc_ haic." "DEAR OUM, THERE'S _ANOTHER_ ONE!" Ruby shouted and started huddling in on herself as Yang was bent over from laughing so hard.

That was weird- most girls I knew absolutely _loathed_ puns.

"So, that aside; what about the other chick over there- she your sister too? Cause she's seems colder than the _Arc_ tic winds, and that doesn't really equivalate to everything I know about your family, so far." "Make one more pun in my presence, Jaune, and I swear to Oum, I will- wait, other chick?" "YOU!" "OH OUM!" The tiny girl got scared of the _other_ tiny girl behind her, and jumped into my arms as a result. "Wha-" "CHEESE IT! IT'S THE FUZZ!" "I DON'T LIKE CHEESE, ESPECIALLY TH FUZZY KIND!" Frantically jogging in place, I didn't know where to go, so I just chose to go back to the entrance, running with the girl in my arms as-

*BAM*

"Ow, my cartilage…" I groaned as I ran head-on into a pillar, and fell to the ground on my back, with the red riding hood going along for the ride. "Ow, now my back!" "Pffffft, don't worry, vomit boy, just, hehe, just, _Arc_ it! HAHAHA-" " _YANG_! I JUST GOT THROUGH YELLING AT JAUNE FOR THAT!" "Yeah, hi. Guy with the broken nose, here?" "You _imbecile_! You're lucky we weren't blown off the side of this cliff!" "Oh my Oum, you really did explode." "It was an accident!" The tiny girl got off of me and made her way back to her sister and friend(Enemy? Frenemy?). "Accident or not, you almost killed us both!" The white haired girl then pulled a pamphlet out of her dress and shoved it into Ruby's face. "What's this?" I went up and grabbed it from the girl's hand and started reading it as she explained what it was. "The Schnee Dust Company is not responsible for any actions committed while using our products, and furthermore…"

Jesus, that girl could _nag_.

"Dang it, I already said it was an accident! It won't happen again!" "I don't care if it was an accident! If you cannot properly handle our products, then do not even _think_ about touching them!" "You know, the leading cause of accidents are explosions." Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked over at me still reading the pamphlet. "Yep. Fickle things, explosions are." "... Right, anyway, do you want to make this up to me?" "Yes!" Than take this-" The white dressed girl took the pamphlet out of my hands and handed it to Ruby. "Oi!" "-Read it, and never talk to me again." "Okay, look." Yang placed herself between the two bickering girls and put a hand on both their shoulders. "I think you two just got off on the wrong foot. Why not forget this happened and try to become friends instead?" "I like that plan! A-hem! Okay, hi Weiss, I'm Ruby!" The red wearing girl held out her hand for the white one to shake it. "Wanna hang out? We could go shopping and… Stuff?" "Oh sure." The white one rolled her eyes. "We can also paint our nails, try on clothes,, and talk about cute boys, like tall, blonde, and lanky over there!" "Hmph. You're just jealous of my amazing hair and outstanding physique." I ran a hand through my hair and flexed an arm.

"Yeah. Jealous." The now named Weiss deadpanned as Yang walked over and poked the arm I was flexing. "Holy cow!" The girl's eyes widened as she tried to wrap her arm around the bicep. "You are _ripped_! How'd you get such bulging muscle?" "Working out, proper rest, and lots, and lots of juice."

What they didn't need to know was that my working out consisted of going around maiming Shinigami, my diet was mainly Hollows, and the juice I was talking about _certainly_ wasn't protein shakes and apple juice… Definitely tasted like them, though- both tasted like shit.

"Man, _Xiao Long_ have you been going to the gym, vomit boy?" "Yang!" Said girl grinned as Ruby groaned and Weiss shook her head exasperatedly. "Kids…"

"A-hem."

The chattering around us quieted down as an oddly dressed man(Holy shit, it's the riddler!) stood at the podium and started speaking into the microphone. "I will try, to keep this brief." "Thank god, amirite?" "Shhhh!" I pouted as all three girls shushed me and started poking the ground with a stick.

No respect…

"You have traveled here today, in search of knowledge." Eh, debatable, but go on. "To hone your craft and acquire new skills-" Highly doubt I'll be learning anything I don't already know at this place, and my 'Craft' has been honed for as long as I've been undead(However long _that_ was-), so currently he was just speaking gibberish at this point. "And when you are finished, you plan to dedicate you life to the protection of the people." Woah, hold up there! "What have the _people_ done for me, lately, anyway?" "Jaune!" "I'm just saying!" I raised my hands in defeat as Ruby glared at me(Read: Still pouting.) and the man continued babbling on with his speech even as I whisper-talked to the people around me. "But I look amongst you, and all I see is wasted energy." Trust me, dude, I would much rather be wasting my energy on other things right now, but this stupid speech is impeding on said things, so hurry it the hell up so I can get some poon! "In need of direction; purpose." "Okay, so is this starting to sound a little too cult like for anyone else's comfort? No? Just me? Of course…" "You assume knowledge will free you of this, but your time at this school will prove that knowledge can only carry you so far." Eh, I know about at least a dozen or so people that would disagree with you on that.

And would promptly kick your ass for saying it, too…

"It is up to you, to take the first step…" "Is that first step to a bar, cause I could really go for some shots right now-" "Jaaaaune!" "Right, right. Sorry." "Tomorrow, your initiation begins, be ready. You're dismissed." Initiation? What initiation? "Huh. He seemed kind of… _Off_." "Almost like he wasn't even there…" "Well, that awful speech sure was, though. I mean, I got the total vibe of a cult leader from that guy, and personally, I am gonna stay at least a fifty foot radius from him at all times." "Uh, Jaune-" "Dude also has a weird fashion sense- all green? I mean, does he like money, or something, or is he some man with a green fetish? Or, god forbid, a tree hugging _hippie_ \- ugh." "Jaune." "And that cane- oh boy! Old man scrooge called, and he wants his walker back!" "Jaune!" "Don't even get me _started_ on that voice and face, either, and- the blonde haired teacher from earlier on the stage is standing right behind me, isn't she?" "..." "I don't suppose I can convince you I was talking about _another_ green enthusiast teacher with a cane, can I?" "My office, _now_."

"Didn't think so."

* * *

"Oh, what the hell is _this_?" What kind of self-respecting man would wear a fucking rabbit _onesie_ \- at the age of 17?! "I'm starting to wonder if whoever the fucks memories I took was sheltered for all his life." Come to think of it, the rest of the crap in this bag of his also only had these pajamas and more of the same outfit he had worn here- what, did he only wear this one damn outfit every day of the year?! "This is totally not helping out my hatred for the youth of today." I grumbled and took off the armor on my person, deciding to just go with what I was wearing under it to wear to sleep(Not that I planned on sleeping much, anyway-) as the others around me started getting ready for sleep as well(Though, only the girls really seemed to be doing that, as the guys were just taking off their shirts trying to impress the girls around them with their 'Fitness'- bah, they all have the physiques of a 12 year old boy!).

"Oh dear lord, those two are getting out the oil and are wrestling-" Okay, there was a fine line between hitting on the chicks, and getting really, _really_ gay.

These morons didn't seem to be getting where that line was, though.

"Ugh, I need to get away from these idiots. I can't concentrate with all the naked flesh running around." Let it be said that I can never focus whenever I see the flesh of another- either because of the jiggle physics, horrific bodies of ugly men, or just the tantalizing deliciousness that is a hoomahn body(I especially enjoyed the white ones- they tasted like chicken!). Looking around for a spot that wasn't near any flashing men(Cue shudder.), I finally found a spot near a black haired, bow wearing girl with an actual Yukata styled shirt amongst an otherwise American fashioned crowd. "Hey!" I waved to the girl, causing her to look up from the book she was reading, seemingly not enjoying the distraction. "Yes?" "Sorry for interrupting your reading, but-" "Look." She sighed here and closed her book. "I don't care how 'Macho' you think you are, but I will _not_ watch you model in front of me, nor will I give you my honest opinion about what I think of it, or let you touch my hair and bow. Now, will you please just leave me alone?" "Uh, all I wanted to know was if you'd allow me to sit near you to read this book-" I pulled out a book from my hoodie and showed it to the girl. "'The World of Remnant, and You'." The girl slowly blinked as she looked over the book, and then me. "Yeeeeeeeah. This is kind of the only spot that has peace and quiet in a room full of hormonal teenagers, and a light to be able to read, as well." "Oh." "But, if you're so against it, I can find another area to-" "Huh? Oh! No, no. You can stay here to read, if you want…" "Don't mind if I do." I groaned and fell against the wall, falling to the floor next to the girl and started reading the book as she herself silently went back to her own book.

I only got about 5 minutes into the book(Which, for me, was the equivalent of getting through a twentieth of the entire, rather thick, book.) before my nose started twitching. Huh, it would seem that my senses had only been dampened a tiny bit, as I could still smell the faint smell of everything around us, even the people who didn't want to be smelled(Like the one guy standing in the corner who smelled worse than a dirty gym sock with rotten eggs stuffed inside it-), which definitely allowed me to smell the girl next to me. Unlike the others around us, she had a distinct smell of a cat- which was weird, because I could also smell the scent of other animals on the different people in the room(Like Ruby, who had the faint scent of a dog; maybe some kind of Corgi?), but her scent was abnormal; it wasn't almost imperceptible like the others, it was more distinct, like she spent every waking hour of every day surrounded by cats.

Curious…

Now let's just hope that she wasn't some crazy cat lady who couldn't live without her cats-

"So, what's your book about?" I asked as I resumed my own reading, causing another pause in the cat ladies reading. "Huh?" "Your book- it got a premise, or is it just some mindless smut you picked up at the nearest adult literature store before you came to school?" "It's not smut!" Even without looking up from my book, I could tell the girl had blushed and looked in another direction. "It's- it's about a man, with two souls… Each fighting for control of his body." Okay, _that_ hit too close to home for my comfort. "Two souls in one body, fighting for control… Crazy, right?" "I don't know, I'd like to think that this story has some merit to it; I mean, it can't be _all_ fiction, right?" "Well, you never know. But I'm sure the 'Soul' thing is just a metaphor for something else, maybe a disease and how the man is fighting it to regain his life back, and to not die from it." "I never really thought about it like that, before…" "Or maybe he's just leading a double life, and the created persona of his is eating away at his original life, and he has to choose between the two lives he wants to live." "What?!" She must be really jumpy, because at the mention of the last reasoning, she stiffened up and started looking around the room frantically, probably for an escape route of some kind.

Man, she must _really_ love cats, cause she's even acting like one now…

"Or something like that, I don't know, literature isn't as much my foray as other subjects." I went back to my book after that, though. Really should learn as much as I could about this world before I go off into combat against… Whatever the hell it was I was going up against soon- "So, you think this book could be about someone's fight against themselves over the decision of what life they want to lead?" Or maybe I wouldn't read my book as soon as I would wish- oh well.

I interrupted her reading before, so a tisket for a tasket, I suppose.

"It could be about anything, but yeah, that seems like that option is higher than most of the other ones." "... Hypothetically speaking, if you had to choose between your original life, or the second one you created yourself, which would you choose?" Kids these days need to learn not to put 'Hypothetical' into their sentences when they are giving examples- really gives away that you're using yourself as an example. "Well, most people would want the life they created for themselves, because that's the life they want to carry out for the rest of their days, and then the other people in that situation would be the stupid Christians that want the life God created for them- but that's besides the point. I, personally, would want whichever life is best for _me_." "What- what do you mean?" "I don't care if the life I created for myself is the thing I wanted for all my existence, I don't care if I wasted away the other life for myself making the other a reality either; the life I want, is the life where _I_ am in charge. Where no one can tell me what to do, where I am living my days to their fullest, doing what _I_ want to do. So what if the life I created for myself is 'Perfect' by other people's standards- I'll choose whichever is best for my own lifestyle." "Your own…? But, that just makes it sound like-" "Like I am choosing the life that is the most convenient for me, yeah. Because what can I say- laziness is a virtue… Not a good one, but it's still one nonetheless." I grinned at the sweat dropping girl and went back to reading my book.

"... But-" Oh come on! I chose to come over here in the first place so that I could read in _peace_ damn it! "-What if the life you want to choose for yourself, is the wrong one…?" "Bzzzt. Incorrect answer." "Excuse me?" "Whatever lifestyle you choose _can't_ be the wrong one, because it's the one you chose to live. So what if it isn't as glamourous as you first thought it to be? You chose it, so stick by your decision and MAKE it as glamourous as you thought it would be! What I'm trying to say here, is that there is _never_ a wrong choice when thinking on how to live your life- just a _better_ choice, and a not so better choice; but if you really do choose to pick the not so good one, you still stick to your guns, and just make the best of what you chose." "That, is a lot more insightful than I was expecting from someone like you... Oh! No offense!" "None taken- truth be told, that was too intelligent a response even for _me_ … Gonna need some hard liquor soon, otherwise, I might turn philosophical forever." I shook my head as the black haired girl looked down, contemplating the things told to her.

"He-llooooooooooooo~" We both turned at the welcoming word as we watched Yang pull her struggling sister(Who was making sounds as if she was being dragged to the _morgue_ instead of just two teenagers.) towards our position. "I think they're coming towards us-" "Yeah. I _noticed_." "I believe you two may _know_ each other-" Yang started off before pulling her sister in front of her. "Wait; aren't you that girl who exploded?" "Crater face? Yeah, that's her." "JAUNE!" "Oh relax, little red, I'm teasin' ya. Anywho, Ruby, this is-"

…

"-Crazy cat lady, and crazy cat lady, this is crater face." "I AM NOT A CRAZY CAT LADY/CRATER FACE!" "Sure, that's what they _all_ say." "THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!" " _Riiiiiiiiight_." "Ugh, anyway, my, uh, my name's Ruby!" She held out a hand to the girl to shake, but was just left hanging as the crazy cat lady stared at the opposing hand. "Nice to, meet you…" "Heh, heh, excuse us for one second!" Yang grabbed the girl's arm and pulled her aside to talk. "What are you doing?!" "I don't know, help me!" Me and the girl sweatdropped as we could both easily hear the not-so-whispered conversation going on a few feet away from us, even _without_ super hearing. "So, uh, what's your name?" Okay, now that was a decent question- especially when even _I_ didn't know the answer to it, and I had held a deep ass conversation with her about life choices! "Blake." Man, what was with this crazy cat lady- she was all for asking the weird looking guy still in his casual clothes who wanted to fucking _read_ next to her about life, but when two innocent looking teenage girls just looking for a conversation come up to her, she's more withdrawn than Yertle the Turtle.

"Ah, nice to meet you, Blake! I'm Yang, Ruby's older sister!" Silence. "So, uh, how are you liking Beacon so far?" More silence. "Heh heh heh. Um, anything you see around you that you like so far?" Oh dear god, what is that- just kidding, it was still silence. "Nice bow?... It goes well with your, uh, pajamas!" I feel like you could grab a butter knife and cut through the tension in the air like in that one Scooby Doo episode. "Lovely evening, isn't it?!" Okay, now she was just grasping at straws, here. "Yes- it is. Almost as lovely as this book." She stared at the two awkward looking girls for a while. "Which I will continue to read- as soon as you leave." Ouch. "Yeah, this girl's a lost cause, Ruby." "Ah, come now! I'm sure you three will hit it off perfectly eventually! Isn't that right, crazy cat lady?" "My name is _Blake_." "See? Even crazy cat lady over here thinks so." "Why do I even bother…" "Beats me. Anywho, I'm sure we'll all be great friends, come time for school to start. Though, speaking of, why'd you all decide to come to Beacon, anyway? Couldn't be to just learn to kick ass better; there has to be classes outside of schools for that kind of crap."

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh-"

"Okay, everyone _except_ Yang, then?"

"Well, truth be told, I wanted to join Beacon because, when I was a kid, the stories of rampaging monsters, and heros stopping them, and other such things… And I wanted to, you know, make those stories a reality!" "Heh. Why is that? Hoping for a happy ending?" "I'm kind of hoping for _everyone_ to have a happy ending. As a girl, I always heard the stories of people fighting evil, and protecting the people who couldn't really defend themselves, and I want to be just like them!" "That's rather ambitious. But, the real world _isn't_ some fairy tale. It's full of strife, war, and malevolency. All because of the indolences and ignorance of so many people…" "Yeah, but that's just the norm for the world; as long as the people in charge are, just that, in c _harge_ , there will be people who oppose them, and as they do so, the circle of hatred will continue on and on and on… It will _never_ end." Everyone looked over to where I was now reading my book in surprise at that. "But, it has to end _eventually_ , right?" "It will never end, that is a sad fact of life. Conquest, war, famine, and even _death_ will always be around in this world of ours, no matter how much we try to prevent it." "Yeesh, getting rather grim here, aren't ya?" "As long as you embrace that those things will always be just another part of life, then it doesn't exactly have to be that way, Yang." "Uh, _Death_ kind of seems more than a little grim, don't you think?" "Ah. But that is where you are wrong; only when you really, _truly_ , embrace the things that everyone else loathes and fears, like war and death, then, and only then, is when you can start making a difference in the world." "I'm- not following." "He's saying you have to be willing to go through _all_ of those things in order to even begin affecting the world around yourself… Right?" "Eh, something like that. I _really_ need a drink right now though, before I go crazy from lack of insanity…"

"Wait; are you saying you've actually KILLED before?!" "Ruby, quiet down!" Yang shushed her sister as she jumped and screamed at the sudden realization of what I was talking about. "Yep; I've also taken what wasn't meant to be mine, made others tear at each others throats in the hopes of standing at the top, and even starved whole nations before." " _Nations_?!" "Did I say nations? I meant, uuuuuuh, families of ducks."

Damn annoying ducks, too- wouldn't stop complaining about the lack of food, or how I was making them kill each other just for a loaf of bread, either…

"Anyway, that's not the point I'm trying to get across, here. In the end, if you really want to start shaping the world in the way you want it to be, then you have to be willing to partake in some, rather crude, methods. If a tyrant takes over the country? You have to be willing to go against them and take that country for _yourself_. If another region wants to take the country you had just gotten control of? You must be willing to wage a fight with them for what you believe in. If the people of the country you now own want the war you now wage with another country to end faster? Then they must be willing to persevere the famine of food and other utensils that you will cause by giving them to your forces in order to win the fight faster. If the country doesn't like the way you are doing things and plan to revolt? Then you must be willing to let the _heads_ roll." "Wait, doesn't that just mean-" "That the entire cycle which _you_ started in order to shape your land the way _you_ wanted it was just repeating itself against _you_? Yes. But such is the way of the world. You have to break some eggs in order to rule the world." "DOn't you mean 'Make an omelet'?" "Not at all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go jump out a window." "... Why do you need to-"

"I NEED MY BOOOOOOOOZE!" I ran through the startled crowd of students and flung myself into a window, breaking it and sending me falling to the ground. "JAUNE! WE'RE THREE STORIES UP!" "FOR THE LOVE OF ALCOHOL GOD DAMN IT!"

* * *

"Stupid blonde teachers with theurgic levitation. Lifting me back into the damn dormitories and chaining me to the wall so I couldn't get some much needed alcoholic drinks." I grumbled as I went through _another_ combination for this stupid locker that _still_ wouldn't open. "And to top it off, this stupid thing won't even give me my shit! I'm almost positive this was the locker I stuffed my armor into, though…" I kicked the stupid thing in frustration and stuffed my hands in my pocket before walking off. "Well, I'm already without a sword, might as well go for the full package and lose the armor, as well! Let's just hope whatever deities out there don't go for a three out of three, and let me keep all my limbs while they're at it…"

Somehow, I wasn't too convinced on the last one.

"Hey, vomit boy!" Turning to see who had called me that(Didn't take a genius to figure out who it actually was, though.), I saw the blonde hair sister of Ruby waving me over to her and her sister's lockers. "Yo." "Good, you're here- tell Ruby that it's for her own good to meet new people and make friends with people she _didn't_ already know coming to this school." "Sure. Ruby: What she said. Wait, aren't you the only person she knew coming here?" "Exactly." "Riiiiiiiiight. Anywho, the initiation is today. What do you think it's gonna entail?" "Dunno. Kind of hoping we get to fight something, though, and that it won't be something stupid like an _exam_ or something." The girl who liked to have fun shivered at the thought of a written test being administered over a combat orientated one. Which was funny, considering I was hoping for the exact opposite, as I neither had a weapon or armor to protect myself with at this point in time. Yeah, give me a written test on a world I only just found out existed 24 hours ago, going over subjects I have never heard of before, with a language that might be completely different written than it is spoken over a simple fist fight…

You know what, I think I'll take the fisticuffs option if I even get that choice.

"Yeah, I guess that would be better than a written one." "Though, speaking of combat; where's your gear, I don't see it on you." "Ah, _that_. Well, my weapon is probably somewhere near Atlas by now, and my armor is stuck in a stubborn locker that _won't open up_!" "Hm. That sucks for you, then." "Indeed." "Jaune, how can you be so nonchalant about this- first your sword, and now your armor?! You're gonna get KILLED!" "Gee, thanks for the moral support, Ruby. I feel _oh_ so much better now." "Sorry. But it's true! Do you know how many people here are super awesome?! I mean, that's not to say _you_ aren't super awesome- cause you are! But they have armor and weapons. Weapons, Jaune. WEAPONS!" "Don't worry so much, Ruby. He's got weapons of his own right HERE~" Yang grinned and brought up my right arm, rubbing the bicep like one would a cat. "As much as I am startled by Yang's actions, she has a point." Taking my arm from her grip, I gripped where she had been rubbing. "Just because I don't have my weapon on me, doesn't mean I am powerless. ANYTHING can be used to fight with the right mindset, remember that." "Yeah, but-" "No buts here, Ruby. Just the sweet ass walking away from this conversation." "JAUNE!" "Bwahahahaha!" I walked away laughing my butt off(It's a good thing Ruby can't see the words not in quotation marks- don't want to figure out what she'd do if she could…), waiting to see where we would be needing to go for this initiation.

"Oomph!" _Really_ needed to watch where I was walking whenever I was maniacally laughing. "Sorry about that, I can't control where I walk whenever I laugh like a lunatic." "That's okay- wait, aren't you that boy who jumped out the dorm window screeching about 'Booze'?" "Handsome, textbook definition of an alpha male, actually. But yes, that is he." I stood up straighter and rubbed under my nose with a singular finger. "I know, I know. You must be a fan of mine, but let me tell you now, that praise isn't needed for going against what the 'Man' has told us to do- but it is recommended." "I don't think that is something to be proud of." The redhead I had bumped into sweatdropped. "I beg to differ." " _YOU_!" "FUZZ! CHEESE, I DON'T KNOW!"

Damn it, now Ruby had me doing it too!

"Oh thank Christ, it's just the ice queen." "Ice queen?! Good sir, do you know who I am?" "... I feel like it starts with an 'L'-" " _SCHNEE_! Weiss SCHNEE!" "Oooooooh."

"..."

"..."

"... You have no idea what that name implies, do you?" "Not even the slightest clue, whatsoever." "Ugh- the SDC?" "Nnnnnnope." "Largest Dust manufacturer in all of Remnant?" "Sounds impressive, but still no." "We have store all across the continent?!" "What kind of stores- are they candy stores?! Oh my god, I want to go to a candy store now!" "I give up." "Heheh, it's rather hard to find people who don't know of celebrities such as the Schnee's, I must admit." The redhead giggled, and the white haired girl just drew further into herself than before. "Wait-" Racking my brains, I stared hard at an uncomfortable looking redhead as I studied her to find out why she looked familiar. "... Aren't you that girl from the Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes cereal boxes?" "You know about something as obscure as _that_ but not about the company that supplies over 70% of the world's Dust reserve?!" The white haired girl fumed and waved her arms frantically as the redhead just sweatdropped more. "A-hem. That is I." "You know that cereal has more sugar than what wil most likely end up as your future wedding cake, right?" "I'm well aware, yes." "Okay, hold up; you recognize _Pyrrha Nikos_ , from a CEREAL BOX, and not from something like, oh, graduating in the top of her class in Sanctum?" "Soooooo- she's a nerd?" " _Or from being the Mystral Regional Champion four years in a row_?!" "... She's a _strong_ nerd?" "Strong nerd- she could kick your sorry excuse for a huntsmen-in-training body form here back to wherever you came from!" "You might not know this, queeny, but I'm into stuff like that." "You- into- WHAT?!"

"I think I broke her." I whispered into Pyrrha's ear as the white heiress stood in place, gaping like a fish on land, trying to comprehend what she was just told. "I noticed." The redhead beauty giggled again.

" **Would all first-year students please report to Beacon Cliff for initiation? Again, all first-year students report to Beacon Cliff, immediately."**

"And that's our cue." I stretched my arm and rotated my shoulder, walking to the exit as the champion of four tournaments stood back to try and get the broken Schnee working again. "It's a good thing I didn't go into explicit detail of _what_ I exactly liked about getting my ass kicked… Don't think her heart could take it."

* * *

"This is one impressive cliff- what I find most impressive though, is the fact that they are apparently planning on hurling us dozens of feet above the ground with these stupid launch pad things." I studied the panel under my feet as the staff of the school had us stand next to the cliff's edge, waiting for the initiation to begin. "Wait, they're gonna _what_?!" Ruby, who stood right next to me, started to panic as I made that declaration. "Yeah. This panel was made to fling people several feet into the air, and considering the where we are standing right now, and the direction these things are gonna fling us, they are gonna send us flying over the cliff edge." I rubbed my chin as I pondered this new information. "That's gonna be at least a one-hundred foot drop. I don't know how they expect us to survive without giving us a safety precaution first. Or maybe they expect us to grab onto a tree before we fall and climb our way down...?" "Well, they probably expect us to use our Aura's and the landing sequence we were taught at our previous combat schools." "Right- and those sequences, arrrrrrrrre…?" "Jaune. Are you trying to tell me you don't have a landing strategy?" "Don't have whatever the hell this 'Aura' crud is, either, but I suspect I am going to learn the hard way what they are anyway." "You don't even have AURA-"

"For years, you have trained to become warriors." The headmaster(Or what I suspected was the headmaster- that scary blonde one was giving him a run for his money, though…) interrupted our conversation, starting to begin with the initiation. "And today, your abilities will be evaluated in the Emerald Forest." Or lack of abilities- but please, go on with your cute little speech. "Now, I am sure many of you have heard the rumours about assignment of teams. Well, allow us to put an end to your confusion." _Oh_ , please do. "Each of you will be given teammates… Today." Even without looking, I could tell Ruby was nervously biting her nails and looking between me and Yang- probably hoping that one of us would be on her team. "These teammates will be with you for the rest of your time here at Beacon. So it would be in your best interest, to be with someone whom you work well." "Ooooh…." "It's okay, Ruby." I patted her shoulder comfortingly. "It's not like you'll be paired up with _Weiss_ or something."

I feel like I just lied about something-

"That being said, the first person you make eye contact with after landing, will be your partner for the next hour years." Welp, that did it. Ruby was officially broken now. Muttering about 'Stupid blondes tempting fate' or something of another. Though, that just begged the question of who I myself would be paired with- truth be told, I didn't really want someone I didn't know straight off the bat, and would have liked to be paired up with someone I knew from personal experience(Yes, even _Weiss_ would do.) over one I didn't have a clue about at all."See?! I told you!" That said, I couldn't help but like the cut of the jib of the orange haired female over there- reminded me of a young Mu Setsumei Uxukie.

And that's _never_ a good thing- for others who weren't Mu Setsumei Uxukie.

If you were, than it was gonna be a good time.

"After you've partnered up, make your way to the northern end of the forest. You will meet opposition along the way. Do not hesitate to destroy everything in your path, or you _will_ die." "Destroy everything? _Now_ you're talkin' my language! And your head will be the first on my mantle, pretty boy!" I cracked my knuckles and glared menacingly at the now sweat dropping pink eyed boy with the ponytail, which caused the orange haired girl from earlier to gasp. "Oh no, Renny! He's coming after your virginity- don't worry, I'LL SAVE IT!" "Nora, I don't think he's talking about _that_ head." Yeah.

Of course I wasn't…

So much for this paring knife I pilfered at breakfast-

"I feel the need to remind you students, that acts of violence against other fellow students, is _strictly_ prohibited." "Damn you, blonde haired witch! Constantly ruining my fun!" "Getting back on track, you will be monitored and graded for the duration of your initiation. But our instructors will not intervene." "So I _can_ have my fun!" "They will not intervene _unless_ you violate one of the rules placed on you for this test." "Make up your mind, old man!" " _Anyway_ , at the northern part of the forest, you will find a temple, containing several relics. Each pair must pick one, and return to the top of the cliff. You will guard that item, as well as your standing, and we will evaluate you appropriately. Are there any questions?" "If we can't attack each other, than what the hell are we protecting the items from-" "None? Good. Take your positions." Oi! He just pulled a _me_ \- on ME!

"No respect, these days- well, if you won't answer my previous question, I got another one for you to take a crack at." There went Weiss. "Shoot." "Will we be getting anything to help us with our landings, like, saaaaay, a parachute?" "Nope." Mohawk guy was off. "Jetpack, then?" "Can't say you will." Crazy orange haired female screaming at the top of her lungs. "Hoverboots?" "Intriguing, but still no." Pretty boy flew through the sky now. "How about a rope to climb down with?" "Practical sounding, but negative." Average looking bully was next to fall(Er, go up.). "I'd even take a pair of wax wings, at this point." "And I'd like to wonder where you would find one of those." Explosive busty blonde whooping as she soared in the air. "Last meal, perhaps?" "I have a stick of gum, if you would like it." "Good luck, Jaune! Try to live as long as possible until I can find you!" And then there was one. "Can I at _least_ get a drink, first?!" "Let me think about it."

 ***WHOOSH***

"YOU MOTHER FUCKERRRRRRRRR!"


	2. That one where I can't acronym

**Okay, so, this was meant to come out the week after the first one came out, and I even had most of it done within five days, with only about 1K or so left, but- life sucks ass, deal with it.**

 **I also procrastinated a lot because of the stupid acronyms. Spent maybe an entire day trying to come up with words that fit what I had in mind, and there were barely any at all(Because of _course_ I pick the combinations that have next to nothing going for them.)- and even then, I half-assed one of them.**

 **Gotta give credit where it's due- Ozpin is something else to come up with shit for like 10 different teams in only a few hours.**

 **But I digress.**

 **GLORY TO THE SENPAI!**

"Urk, stupid body and it's lack of aerodynamics for all things air based…" I held back some bile as I soared through the air among the other dozens of first year students hoping to get a spot at Beacon Academy. "If only I still had the ability to air walk- that would have been really helpful at this point." It really would have, too. But by some unconceived notion, I still couldn't access my damn Reiatsu through my body, let alone outside of it! "Speaking of which, that voice in my head has been rather silent, as well." Usually, that would be a good thing, but for some reason, it just unsettled me. "Maybe this 'Aura' thing is intervening with that and the production of my Reiatsu. Need to look into what that even is once this moronic test is over." Flipping through the air at an escalated place, I tried to find the nearest area I could safely land at, but not finding any to speak of. "Oh, how I am so not wanting to find out if I can survive this landing without ending up as a stain on the ground- kind of wishing I had my sword, now, so I could at least use it to stick into a tree safely and slow my descent to the impending death." Watching as Yang blasted her way through the skies with her gauntlet guns, Ruby swing her way down with her scythe, and Ren slide down a tree with his… Whatever they were, I couldn't help but feel like I got screwed with the short end of the proverbial stick.

"A stick would be preferable even compared to what I have with me now-"

Wait, what did I have on me right now? Digging through the pockets on my jeans, I pulled out some lint, a half eaten chocolate bar, and a… Spool of string. "Who the hell keeps a spool of string in their pocket...?" Not wanting to figure out the implications of those thoughts, I quickly started to do some calculations in my head, and studied the string in my hand. "Hm. This may work." Getting to work before I became nothing more than chow on the floor for whatever beasts crawled through there(I'm not stupid enough to not figure out what would happen to me with a pair of broken legs, or worse. I've seen Frozen- and not the stupid Disney one, either.), I took out the end of the string and tied it around my right hand's middle finger, making sure it was on good enough for what I was about to do, and started to swing the rest of the spool like a cowboy would a rope. "Let's hope this doesn't break like those chains I bought back in '99… God, was that beating bad." Lining up my shot, I threw the spool at the trunk of a rather large tree, getting it to wrap around it and stick there. "Here's to not being a stain on the ground!" Pulling myself in the direction of the tree with the part stuck on my finger, I narrowly missed getting hit with an orangish spear speeding by my previous position. "What the hell-" "SORRY!" Not paying attention anymore to what was going on, I forcefully tackled the tree before I could slow down or stop my inertia, causing me to bear hug the thing, out of breath with a now dislocated shoulder.

"Should have seen this coming."

Slowly, so as to not agitate the shoulder, I made my way to the other side of the tree, then back to my previous position, getting more and more of the string unwrapped from the trunk of the tree so I could climb down. "Bear Grillz, eat your heart out." Getting at a good enough length in the spool, I let go of the tree, and started to freefall to the ground. "Closer, closer, almost- NOW!" Grabbing onto the string still attached to my finger, I pulled on it, abruptly stopping the fall, but also causing a searing pain to shoot through my arm. "Okay, probably should have retied the thing onto the hand on the arm that didn't have a dislocated shoulder." Untying the string from my finger, with a flick of the wrist, the spool end of it came unloose from the tree and fell back into my hand. "Easy part's done, now for the trickier one."

Holding onto my right arm with my left one, I placed the hand on the trunk of the tree, and took a breath. "This is gonna hurt like hell-" Wanting to get it over with as fast as possible, I shoved myself into the tree hard, hoping to fix the shoulder with the force, but failing. "Okay, hurt like hell and it failed. Lovely." Becoming more aggressive with the force, I started punching the tree with the dislocated arm. "Un-break-you-stupid-limb-that-is-useless-as-shit!"

Punching a tree might not be the best way to fix a dislocated shoulder-

"I need something to put more force for pushing my shoulder back into place." Ducking inexplicably, I turned quickly and shoved my fist into something that had been charging straight at me, forcing it back into the immense brush behind me. "Oh yeah! That did it!" Rotating my shoulder again, I found there was still a sting of pain, but it was otherwise back in working order. "But just what did it?" Walking towards the area where I had thrown back whatever tried to maul me, I got near the plants, but had to quickly backflip to avoid a rather large black claw that would have tore apart my throat otherwise. "Ooooh, wrong move, be… ar…..."

Okay, wasn't expecting some Hollow bear, rip off, with a cracked mask where I had hit it earlier, to come out to try and kill me.

I feel like I should press charges for this mockery.

"Well aren't you just cute enough to slaughter-" Running up to the bear like thing that couldn't have been any bigger than me, I dodged a swipe form it's paw with ease and sent a kick to it's underside, lifting it into the air a few feet, before rearing my arm back, and forcefully slamming it into the mask of the creature, breaking it in the process and sending it into a tree, which the birds then took flight out of as it shook and almost toppled from the impact. "Tch. And to think I thought you were a Hollow. Ha!" Watching as the body disintegrated(Also in a Hollow like fashion! Where are my lawyers when I need them-), I sighed. "Man, I really hope those aren't the things I'm going to constantly be having to kill in the future; even if they're pathetic, they still remind me of Hollows." I shivered. "And god knows I don't want to be reminded of that every time I kill one."

Deciding to just find my way to the relics first, and partner second(Who the hell is gonna say no to a guy who already has the thing you need to pass this test?), I walked north(At least I thought it was north- was never too keen on cardinal directions.) hoping to find this 'Temple' thing the Ozpin guy was talking about. "Well, this day started pretty shittily, but at least it can't get any worse- I hate myself for just uttering those words." And as if to torment me, as soon as I did, I walked straight into a clearing, where a black snake and a white one were slumbering, until they looked in my direction at the sound of rustling bushes.

"Yep. Really hate myself."

Not exactly wanting to get turned into snake food at that very moment, I slowly slinked back into the bush I was in, and closed it so the snakes lost sight of me.

…

Well, it worked for about 5 seconds, so I call it a success.

Jumping out of the bush as the white snake lunged into it, I landed in the clearing, and immediately had to grab the maw of the black snake as it tried to swallow me whole. "Ugh- even the breath smells like a Hollows! Not that that's a good thing…" Lifting a leg into the air, I kicked the top part of the snake's mouth, making it reel back at the force, and I took the opportunity given to me by leaping over it's head, right as the white snake came back and tried to eat me in my previous position(Seriously- was I that decadent looking?), and kicked the black one's head right into the white one, causing them both to hiss in pain as they landed on the ground in a heap. "Hoo-yah!" Grabbing the tail of the black one, I grunted as I lifted it entirely into the air, before slamming it back into it's white counterpart, sending up a massive dust cloud in the process. "Is it too optimistic to hope that they are both dead now?" Dodging as the white snake's tail came down on me, I easily got my answer. Punching the snout of the black one as it almost ran into me, I mule kicked it's jaw, sending it's head further into the air. "Die this time!" Leaping onto it's head, I jabbed it in the right eye, causing it to hiss again as the red orb popped, spewing out… what I think was blood(Hard to tell what these things consider blood, or just mucous and pus, gross.). Not being finished, I grabbed onto the mask laying right atop its head, and heaved immensely, managing to dislodge it somewhat, which I used by slowly punching it right where the mask usually hid.

"Hey, this works on Hollows, I'm expecting it to work here too!" Apparently, we have many more similarities than I am willing to admit in common, because after a relatively strong punch to the head, it's remaining eye rolled back into it's skull(I think…) and it landed harshly onto the ground, either out cold or dead. "Woo! Two for Arc, zero for-" I didn't get to finish that sentence as the white whatever they were sneak attacked me, and gripped me in it's mouth, getting ready to swallow me whole. "Oi! Fucker, let go!" Having no other option but to continually punch it's snout in the hopes that it would let go, that's what I did, but it only really pissed it off more. "Okay, I know you're probably angry about your friend over there, but lets face it, he was a dick." That wasn't what it wanted to hear, apparently, because soon after that, it threw my body into the air like some raggedy anne, and went straight at me again, ready to completely swallow me this time. "Not this time, buster brown!" Right as it was about to close its jaws around me entirely, I did the one thing I thought that would help in this situation.

I did the splits and kept the stupid things mouth opened so it couldn't eat me.

"Why didn't I use my hands…?!" I managed to squeal out in pain as my hands went directly for my crotch afterwards. "God dang it, this smarts!" Right as I was about jump out, a long, black tongue(I've seen enough Hentai to know where this was going…) wrapped itself around my torso, preventing me from escaping as it attempted to forcefully shut it's jaws on me. "Why won't you fuck OFF?!" Growling, I gripped the tongue with both hands, and started pulling on it. Eventually, it did something, but I sorely wished it hadn't, as the snake made a choking noise, before it threw its mouth forward, spewing out vomit(And me, subsequently.) as it did so.

"Well, it's a good thing I have about a dozen more of the same outfit back at Beacon, now ain't it?" Getting up from the ugly looking puddle of black(Yeah, wish I could say I didn't know what Hollow vomit looked like… How I so wish.) on the forest floor, I flicked some of the putrid substance off my face, and turned back to the sick looking snake. "You are so dead." Before it could recover from its illness, I ran towards it, wrapping my arms around its torso(Or what I think was its torso-) as I slowly starting lifting it up. "This is for the hoodie!" Finally getting it up off the ground, I threw it away to the front of me, with it going a considerable distance for something that size, and grabbed it's tail as it passed by me on it's way, stopping the snake before it could go further. Not being finished, I quickly used the tail to lift the snake up even further, before sending it back into the ground. Then I proceeded to lift it back up, bringing it to the ground on the other side of me this time, before repeating the process multiple times. "This was a gift from my mother… I think!" Getting a better grip on the tail this time, I started spinning in place, bringing the snake with me, as it seemed to yelp as it's head met the first tree on our ride, breaking whatever the hell made up it's body in the process probably, before it continued smacking into the other trees around us. Though, all good things must reach an end eventually, as the snake's head finally broke one of the tree it was slamming against, causing it to slowly topple over. "Oh look- your ride to hell is here!" Reeling the snake back in with a pull of it's tail, the fucked up looking head made it's way back into my position, where it met a swift punch to the left eye, rupturing it and sending the snake right into the direction of the falling tree.

*SQUELCH*

"Oooh- that's gotta hurt." Wincing at the sound the snake's head made as the tree fell on top of it, I quickly checked back over with the black one, only to see it was still out cold. "Well, better safe than sorry." Moving over to the tree, I removed it from the already disappearing snakes smashed head, and picked it up, before slowly making my way over to the other snake. "Trees- are heavier than I, grrr, remember them being!" Making my way back, I wasted no time in just letting the tree go onto the snake, crushing it's skull much like the other one had. "Well, that was annoying. And now I gotta find a place to clean up!" Tsking at the thought of having to clean up(Especially during a test such as this-), I shook my head. "This sucks. Huh?" Having moved my left arm to my chest to cross it with the other arm, I looked down at the area of my arm that wasn't covered by the sleeves or hoodie. "Blood?" Indeed, as it would appear that one of the snake's fangs had made a gash in my left arm- not big enough to cause alarm(Then again, to me, not even a missing limb caused enough pause to register on the 'Alarm' scale.), but it was still relatively large and bleeding badly, even enough to trail down the orange sleeve of the arm. "And now I have this to deal with. Anything else you wanna throw my way, god, before I move on with my day?"

"Cccccrrra! Cccccccccrrra!"

"I WAS FUCKING JOKING!" Turning around to see what else god had chosen to give me on this fine day, I was met face to face with the orange haired girl from earlier.

"... Hi."

"... So partners now, huh?"

"... Seems that way. Yes."

"... Wanna go find some more shit to kill?"

"That sounds lovely."

* * *

"Man, did I need that bath!" Stretching as I got out of the pond that had been nearby(Thank God- no, you know what? God has fucked me over one too many times today for me to thank him!), I walked over to the rock that had housed my clothes so that I could grab them and wash them too, but paused as I reached it. "Nora- where are my clothes?" "Weeeeeeeell-" The cheery girl grinned and rubbed the back of her head as she hung lazily from a branch near the rock. "I saw this cool looking bird flying above us, and I was all like 'Oh my Oum' and just HAAAAAAD to see it closer for myself, so I kind of, sort of, grabbed your shirt, hoodie, and sleeves, and made a rope so I could climb that big tree over there to see it better!" "... And where are they now?" "Ah, the bird kind of also attacked me, and I fended it off with them. So I suspect they are somewhere near Mistral by now! "Of course… Can I at least have my pants off the top of your head, then?" "I don't know- can you?"

Jesus Christ, this school was slowly stripping me of things to wear- at this rate, I was gonna be back on the top of the cliff in the buff.

"Nora, don't make me nude wrestle you for them- wet, nude wrestle you." "Oh fine." She pouted and handed me back my jeans, and I rooted through the pockets and grabbed some gauze(Which I totally didn't steal from the school infirmary- because that would be wrong.) and wrapped it around my cut arm. "There- nice and not bleedy." "You're no fun!" "What?! I am so fun!" "Doubt it." "Doubt it- alright, you little brat! I'll show you fun!" Growling as I put my jeans back on, I reached out and picked the now cheering girl and put her on my shoulders. "You're about to have the most fun you've ever had!" "WOO-HOO!" Traveling about 50 feet in the direction of the clearing again, I found exactly what I was looking for. "You ever ride a bear before?" "Yyyyyyyyyyy- no." "Well, you're about to… along with a few wolf, things, as escorts." "Really?! YEEEEEEAH!"

* * *

"Uh, Ren, did you hear that?" "Oh dear lord, Nora is coming."

"KING OF THE CASTLE, BI-ATCHES!" "QUEEN OF THE CASTLE, QUEEN OF THE CASTLE~" I laughed maniacally along with Nora as we both carald about a dozen of the wolf like Hollow's into the upcoming clearing with a whip and chains, along with a ride from one of the bear like Hollows as well to top it all off.

Don't ask how we got the crowns between here and now, either.

"BOW BEFORE ME, PEASANTS- BOW!" Using the whip, I got all the stress ridden wolves to kneel in front of the panting and nearly dead looking bear which we were riding. "That's right, bow. Bow before your rulers!" "Oh my Oum, oh my Oum, oh my Oum- THIS IS SO MUCH FUUUUUUUUN~" "LET IT BE KNOWN, THAT ON THIS DAY, THE OLD KING OF FUN HAS BEEN KILLED- AND UPON HIS DEATH, A NEW RULER HAS BEEN CROWNED; MEEEEEEEEEE!"

"There's two of them; somebody please kill me." "Uh, Ren-" "Pyrrha, for the love of all that is holy, END ME SO I CAN AWAKEN FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!" "Huh? Oh, hey Renny! Look at what I found- a partner! But not just any partner, but the KING OF FUN at that! Isn't that just GREAT?!" "It's-" The pink eyed boy sighed and slouched. "It's great, Nora." "I know, right?! OOOOH, what's that?" Switching her attention from her friend to the 'Relics' behind them(I don't think chess pieces count as 'Relics', but whatever.), she moved past the duo in front of the temple and stood in front of one of the pillars. "Jaune, Jaune! Looky!" "Hang on, I'm comin'." Getting off the now dead bear, I made my way towards where my partner was now standing, but not without giving all the wolves the stink eye before I did. "Run from here, and live- live until I find you again. Because until I do, you will continue living; living until you have my permission to die."

Okay, I'll admit, that this little adventure and watching all the beasts scramble frantically to get as far away from me as hoomahnly possible(Or as whatever the hell they are as possible- I don't discriminate.), even as they were tied together in chains like prisoners, made this crap day a lot better.

"Okay, what I lookin' at?" I asked curiously as I walked to stand next to the jittery girl. "Lookit, lookit!" "I'm lookiting." Staring down at her, I found that she held the Rook piece in her hand. "... King of the Castle?" "QUEEN OF THE, CASTLLLLLLLLE!"

"Ren, what piece did we grab?" "The Knight?" "Oh thank Oum…"

"INCOMIIIIIIIIIIIIING!" "Hm?" We all looked up to the sky from where the voice had originated, only to see a blur of red before I caught the object in my arm. "Ruby?" "Huh? Oh, hey Jaune! Thanks for catching me, too!" It was only then that she looked down at my torso and saw my shirtless chest. "... Jaune." She blushed. "Where is your shirt?" "Yeah, funny story that-" "Um, I don't think we have time for stories right now." Everyone turned to the direction that Pyrrha had just pointed to, and were not disappointed as Yang and the crazy cat lady from last night ran through the trees, with a giant-

"Is that a scorpion?" "Deathstalker, actually." "Right. Anyone else want to point out something totally whimsical in nature that shouldn't be happening at all?" "Weeeeeell, my partner is still kind of in the air- oh wait, not anymore she's not." "Not anymore-" Not even getting the chance to look up, my other arm soon had another occupant on it. "The hell-" "WEISS! You're alive!" "No thanks to you! Why did you leave me up there?!" "I did kind of say jump…" "Yeah, that's all well and good, and I'm happy to see you two just getting along peachy-keen like, but we kind of have a problem here." And just as I said that, the busty blonde and the ravenous cat decided this would be a good time to be thrown into me, sending me on my back as the four girls sat on top of me.

"Well, if it isn't our hero!" "My everything…" "Ah, cheer up, buddy! You just need a Jaunety attitude about all this!" "My everything and my brain…" "Well, it looks like we're all here now!" The girls got off me and dusted their clothes off, but soon found themselves face to claws with the 'Deathstalker'(Sounds like a bad super villain name if you ask me…) and a pissed off looking prehistoric bird above them. "Yep- and now we can all die together!" "Not if I can help it…! HYYYYYA!" "Damn it Ruby, you can't help it!" Cursing about stupid brats in my head(What? I don't show you all my thoughts; your computers wouldn't be able to handle all the viruses if I did.), I followed the idiot as she charged at the scorpion like Hollow being.

"Oomph!" And then promptly caught her as the things smacked her away. "You know, you might be speedy, but you probably hit like a kitten." Hearing a not so pleasant sound behind me, I jumped with the girl in my arms, narrowly avoiding decapitation as the creature snipped it's claws where my head should have been. "Not your finest moment, there, Rube's!" "Ya think?!" Sighing, I made my way back to the temple, but had to stop as the bird shot razor sharp feathers the size of me at us, and had to take preventive measures. "I could really use some scotch and soda right- GUH!" I didn't get to finish, as Ruby's cloak tail got stuck to the ground by a feather, sticking us in a precarious situation. "RUBY!" Yeah, no, I'm fine too…

Bitches…

"Well, this sucks." Not wanting to really be this close to either of the two behemoths behind us, I hurriedly made my way to the feather sticking her cloak down, and started pulling it out of the ground. "Jaune, just leave me! It's my cloak that's stuck, not yours!" "Okay, first off- Nnngh, don't tell me what to do, second, grrrrrrah! I don't leave behind people to die, especially cute girls like you, and third, tch, CATCH!" Finally getting the cloak out of the enormous feather's quill, I picked the girl up by the collar of her cloak, and threw her at her sister who had been running to our position. "JAUNE!" "This is gonna suck-" Quickly turning back to face the stupid scorpion, I had just enough time to catch the tail before it could skewer me, but the resulting force and impact made me fall to my knees as the ground cracked beneath me. "This-is-so-much-heavier-than-a-FEATHER!" I gritted out as I slowly pushed up on the tail, forcing it back enough so that I could regain my foot-hold and stand back up. "HA! That's what I think of your-" Claw coming at my waist! "CLAW!" "Stay away from my partner!" But just before it could reach me, Nora came to the rescue and shoved it back with her hammer, and for good measure, slammed it into it's head as well, causing it to stumble back and groan.

"RUN!" "No need to tell me twice-" Both me and Nora swerved through the feathers on the ground, and then full on sprinted towards where the others were at. "That, is going to leave my arms sore in the morning… And just about everywhere else, too-" "YOU IDIOT!" Before I could get a word in edgewise, a pissed off, tiny teenage girl came barreling at me, and decked me in the stomach.

Hits like a kitten my ass- she hits like a fucking truck on the freeway!

"My spleen!" "Don't ever do that again, got it?!" To avoid another hit like that? Sure! "Okay, don't mean to be the bearer of bad news and all, but that Nevermore is circling back at us!" Guessing that's the bird thing- "Alright, look. There is no use in dilly-dallying. Our objective is right in front of us; all we need to do is get it, and head back to the cliffs so we pass our initiations, right?" "Right you are, ice queen. So we just need to get our stuff, and outrun these assholes back to the cliff, where we will then pass, and the teachers will have deal with this horse shit for us- sounds like a plan I can get behind!" Because I am all for having other people do my work for me. "My name is- oh forget it. Just grab the relics and run!" Waiting for those who hadn't gotten their relics yet to get them, as soon as they did, we made a run for it in the opposite direction of the scorpion thing.

But not without a parting gift, though…

"HAHA! Take THAT, ya son of a bitch! How you like these birdies for a change, huh, huh?!"

Let it be said; I was a child at heart- a man child, but a child nonetheless.

* * *

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!" "Yang, shut up!" I yelled at the girl as we charged through further into the ruins, hiding behind some pillars as we watched the 'Nevermore'(These things are named like some 16 year old emo teen wrote them!) perch itself onto the broken ruins of a rather large tower up ahead of us. "They can't do shit to us anyway, because the bird is all the way over there, and the scorpion-"

"IS RIGHT BEHIND US!"

Need to stop tempting fate so much- I might live longer.

"God fucking damn it!" "Nora, distract it!" "Gotcha, Renny!" As we all ran away from the scorpion, the bird found our location, and started shooting its feathers at us again, which Nora bobbed and weaved around, before transforming her hammer into a- "Is that a grenade launcher?" The projectile shot from it and into the screeching birds face was a resounding yes to my question. "I swear, that is a girl after my own heart." Watching as the bird flew away to stop getting bombarded, I saw the scorpion creep up behind her. "Gonna be repaying her sooner than I thought I would!" Quickly getting behind her, I took hold of both the claws as they were about to snip her to pieces, causing me to be forced back from the strength behind that alone. "Okay- that sword I kind of used to have would have been great here!" The scorpion didn't like what I was doing(Apparently-), and decided to just off me once and for all with it's tail, but a black ribbon like object caught my waist, and pulled me back before it could. "Phew- thought I was gonna be made into a kebab there for a second. Thanks." "Less talky more walky." "Don't you mean-" "I know what I mean." As me and the cat lady started running towards everyone else, Weiss appeared and grabbed my teammate, before using some kind of symbol to get the hell out of there fast. "I should learn how these people do these things-"

"DUCK!" Just as soon as I heard that, I grabbed Blake and threw her into the air, and made to hit the ground, right as a spear that looked eerily similar to the one that almost ran me through earlier today came spiraling at one of the scorpion's eyes, but it very luckily had it's hand placed conveniently near its eye sockets, so the claw took the attack instead. "Damn it!" I heard Pyrrha curse and looked behind me to see the spear sticking straight out of the unarmored part of the creature's claw. "Let me help out a bit, here-" Moving in, I grabbed the spear from the things claw, blocked the other claw with the weapon as it came down on me, and jumped back near the others. "Here's to hoping playing track and field on the Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games paid off!" Taking aim with the stick, I stuck out my tongue and threw it, which made it spiral and jam right into the highest eye on it's left side, getting stuck in as the thing wailed in pain. "Wow! Nice shot!" "I play a lot of video games." After dashing in and retrieving Pyrrha's weapon from the things eye, we both made a run for it after, along with everyone else as the screeching scorpion made to follow us on the already unsafe looking bridge. "INCOMING!" We all looked to the left as the Nevermore came barreling into the bridge, knocking a lot of it apart, and sending everyone but me and Blake to the furthermost part of the bridge.

"Well, this sucks- I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately." Charging at the beast as it swung its claw, I was able to stop it from destroying even more of the bridge, but it pushed me precariously close to the edge of the broken bridge. "Fuck!" "Hang on!" Blake attempted to move in and help, but her weapon just wasn't made to fight something like this, and so she was easily thrown back with the creatures other claw. "Really wishing for a weapon right now!" "One weapon, coming up!" Looking back, I saw Nora quickly making her way to this side of the bridge, along with Ruby and a rather reluctant Weiss as Ren, Pyrrha, and Yang went to get higher ground to fight the bird. "WEAPON TIME!" Nora came flying in, smashing her hammer against the creature's head, causing it to get disorientated once more, but it also made it swing it's claw as a blunt object, almost hitting Nora, who used her grenade launcher to quickly move away, but also ended up knocking Blake off the bridge and into the abyss below. 

"SORRY!"

Hope that wouldn't end up killing the kid- aw well, cats had nine lives, so it stands to reason cat ladies have extra ones too, right?

I'll just keep telling myself that…

"Nora, Jack-hammer!" "Roger, Jauney!" Sprinting at the scorpion, I spun and kicked it's face in with my foot, making it grunt, before flipping into the air before it could reach me after, which was followed directly by Nora coming up and slamming it with her hammer, switching to the grenade launcher and launching herself into the sky with a shot. As we met each other in the air, we entwined our legs together, forming a hoomahn hammer, with me as the handle and Nora as the head. "Get ready for it!" Gripping her legs hard with my own, I started rotating her around, slowly picking up momentum with the spin until we were both just orange, yellow, pink, and black blurs in the sky, heading towards the ground and the Deathstalker at an alarming pace. "Jack off, Jack on!" With a flourish, I pushed Nora directly on top of the Deathstalkers head, her hammer striking home with deadly efficiency, as the hammer hit right in the middle of it's mask, creating a loud boom from the impact, and it even managed to put a crack in the mask from the sheer force of the hit. "But the hammer doesn't stop at one!" Flipping our positions, I took a hold of the bottom of the creatures mask in it's dazed state, and used my legs to slam Nora repeatedly down on top of the spot we had just hit, hoping to break the hammer with the repeated hits in it's already weakened armor. "Is-it-dead-yet?!" "NOT YET!" Nora yelled back as she slammed back on the same position for about the tenth time. "Jaune!" Looking up from my hand stand where I was holding the mask, I saw the creature was finally with it's wits again, and it was pissed as it sent its tail right where Nora was coming back up from another of her attacks.

Quickly deciding it was in both our best interests not to get hit by that thing, I once again flipped our positions, and grabbed hold of the tail as I let Nora fall to the ground. "This is gonna be fun." Gripping on hard with my arms as the Deathstalker started swinging it's limb around wildly, I had to stomach even more of my vomit before it could escape from my esophagus into my mouth. "Nora, a little help here!" Not giving her the chance to try, the creature slammed its tail into the bridge, and me along with it. "Did anybody get the Pokedex number of the Pokemon that rammed me…?" With my disorientation, the scorpion took advantage of my slackened grip, and flung the tail high into the sky, sending me flying off it as I yelled. Though I didn't stay airborne for long, as after reaching about eye level with the cliff across the bridge, I started descending again, right on path with the same tail that had sent me flying in the first place. "Meep." And the creature decided to play ping pong with my body, as I was soon slammed into the ground by a smack from said scorpion's tail, which caused me to hit the ground so hard, I skipped back up from the impact-

-And right into the abyss.

"Just my day." With my body already sore from the impact with the ground, I couldn't grab onto anything to stay on the bridge before I fell far enough where nothing could be grabbed to save me from a death fall. "Somehow, I don't think a spool of string is gonna help me in this situation-" "Incompetent fool!" My descent to death was abruptly stopped as a glowing white sigal appeared beneath me as I was falling and caused me to pause on it. "The- am I already dead? That was quick." "JAUNE! GET BACK UP HERE AND HELP US ALREADY!" Looking for the voice, my eyes landed back on the bridge above my current position, with Nora, and now Ruby and her partner trying(And very horribly failing-) to finish off the Deathstalker wreaking havoc on them. "Tell people not to tell me what to do, and they never listen." Shaking my head at not getting any respect, I made my way to the furthest edge of the glyph to the bridge, and sprinted until I was at the other end, and jumped, managing to jump just high enough to get a grip of the broken mass that was the bridges end. "AH!" But before I could get back into the battle, a red projectile came rushing past the end of the bridge, which I had to reach out and grab, lest they fall into the abyss like I had. "Hey Ruby." "Hi, Jaune. So, any ideas about what we should do about scorp-zilla up there?" "I was just gonna go with 'Smash, smash, and smash some more' until it was a smear on the ground, truth be told." "Yes. Because that has been going so well up until now." "You really shouldn't sass off to the guy keeping you from falling to your death at the bottom of a chasm." "Sorry!" "But you did just give me an idea on how to deal with this thing, though. Weiss is the one that made that thing that caught me, right?" "Yeeeeeah?" "Good, then follow my lead."

Throwing the girl over the bridge first, I pulled myself up next, and looked over at Weiss creating ice walls to hold the beast off(Which wasn't working nearly as well as she probably hoped it would-) while Nora provided covering fire by shooting grenades that it just completely shrugged off as it made it's way closer and closer to the edge of the bridge. "Everyone, gather around! I have a plan!" "I am kind of busy right now!" "Ditto!" "Ugh." Shaking my head, I made my way over to their position. "Ice queen-" "Not my name!" "-Your whatever-you-call-them; they are a solid surface, right?" "I used them to save your idiotic butt, what do YOU think?!" "Okay, rude. Anyway, if you're able to make those things solid, is it possible for you to make one that can, say, redirect the force of inertia an object had when striking it and then send it back twice as hard, or even harder than that?" "Y-Yeah! Why-" "No questions, just do it; how long will it take?" "Long enough for that thing to get to us and cut us to ribbons!" "Don't worry about that, just make one at the end of the bridge, facing towards the monster at a 53 degree angle." "5-53?" "NO QUESTIONS GOD DAMN IT, RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH! Nora, Ruby, you're with me!"

Running at the beast with the aforementioned two in tow, I jumped high, allowing Nora to slam her hammer into the scorpion's mask, jarring it slightly as Ruby slashed at the mask as well, but all it did was create sparks as the creature swung its claw at both of them, with both of them managing to avoid it by firing their weapons and escaping with the shots. "You forgot about me, Jabroni!" Roaring as I came down upon the thing, I slammed a haymaker down on the spot that had been weakened from the attacks on it earlier, causing it to groan and lose its footing and fall completely to the ground. "Ruby, the eyes!" "On it!" While the tiny reaper aimed and shot at the remaining eyes the Deathstalker had, I got to work on cracking it's skull open. "This-will-teach-you-to-not-be-someone's-breakfast!" Hammering my fists repeatedly on the cracked spot, I was irritated to find that just my brute strength wasn't enough to crack it open any further. "Jaune-Jaune!" Glancing up briefly to see what Nora had called for, I yelped and hastily fell off of the beasts head, narrowly avoiding becoming of 'Jaune-Kabob' in the process as the tail tried to puncture me like it was my acupuncturist. "Okay, really starting to get pissed off by this tail."

And the fact that I couldn't do anything about it, as I had no weapon to take it out with, pissed me off MORE.

But luckily, I knew someone that did.

"Ruby, come here! Nora, provide covering fire!" Doing as they were told, Nora started blasting the creature with large amounts of pink mist grenades, while Ruby rushed to my position near the front of the beast. "Yes?" "Remember that thing I did with Nora a few minutes ago?" "That epic looking combo move? How could I FORGET?!" "Well, how would you like one of those?" The girl gasped and looked like Christmas had come early. "No-way." "Oh, yes way. Now hold still-" Lifting the yelping girl onto my shoulder, I deftly grabbed her left leg and tied the string from earlier around her shin, making sure it was taut and not going anywhere I didn't want it to anytime soon while I gripped the spool attached to it in my left hand. "You're not prone to motion sickness or high-speed induced vomiting, are you?" "Uh, not that I know of. What are you-" "Good. Just be sure to hold out that scythe and keep hold of it real good, okay?" Not listening to whatever comment she had after that, I took her by both of her ankles, holding on tightly, and started spinning around as quickly and as hard as I could. "WHAT THE HECK?!" "Don't blink, kid, otherwise you might miss it!" Slowly picking up momentum, we both soon turned into nothing but a mass of red, black, and white.

"Um, while I don't really want to get in the middle of your pretty looking color show, guys, I'm kind of out of AMMO!" "It's a good thing we're ready, then!" "SPEAK FOR YOURSELF- URK, I'M GONNA BE SICK!" "Not over my croc skin leather boots, you ain't!" "FOR THE LOVE OF OUM, JUST DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE GOING TO DO ALREADY!" "You got it, ice queen!" "MY NAME IS-" "Don't care! Cause it's time for the 'SAW AND AWE'!" "OUM DANG IT, JAUNE! NAME IT SOMETHING ELSE-" "Nope, too late, it's already stuck." Blurring forward to meet the monster once more, instead of stopping the momentum we had accumulated from spinning non-stop, I picked it up further and met the claw of the beast. "YAH!" Right as the claw snapped at us, Ruby's weapon struck it and left a slight gash in its supposed impenetrable armor, followed by even more as each time the blade came by from the spin, it hacked and slashed at the creatures protections, leaving it hissing and writhing as the gashed dug deeper and deeper into it's armored claw until finally, the top half of the left claw just simply fell off, cut from the monster by our attack. "I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID BEFORE- THIS IS AWESOME!" "Damn right it is!" Continuing the attack, we pushed forward as the scorpion had to move back, lest more of its limbs get destroyed like its other one. But it was rather pointless, as we were much faster going forward than it was backwards(And probably forwards, too- we might be moving just a touch too fast for what we were doing.), and eventually, we made it to the mask of the beast and started chipping away at that too.

Though it wasn't long before the thing became even MORE pissed(Not sure if that was even possible at this point, though, so it might just be constipated for all I know.) and decided to use its extra limb on its behind to try and stab us through and make Ruby and Jaune shish kabobs again, so I had to move out of the way as the tail came down on our previous spot and struck the ground hard enough to completely break that portion of the bridge and continue down through the new hole in it. Sadly, though, in the process of moving, our coordination fell down the toilet, and we slowed down significantly as Ruby retreated in on herself with her weapon clutched to her chest as the near death encounter scared her shitless. "Damn! Alright Ruby, we need to get rid of that tail once and for all for what I have in mind!" "And what- actually get skewered or snipped this time?! I don't think so!" "Relax, bucko, we won't be doing that to get rid of the tail." "Oh thank god-" "Nah, this time, we're gonna play a game of 'Walk the Ruby'!" "Walk the what?" Gripping her legs again, I spun around a few more times to pick up momentum again as the Death Stalker got its tail free from the bridge in time to watch me throw Ruby at it. "WHAT THE F-" "GET YOUR SCYTHE READY, RUBY! SLICE THE TAIL OFF!" Screaming as the she flew across the air, she stumbled to bring her scythe out in time to catch the tail. But as she came barreling towards it, it was ready for her and attempted to stab her with the tip of its tail, to which I had to pull the string attached to her leg to swerve her out of the way before she got killed, but in doing so, made her miss her shot at the tail by mere inches.

But like on any walk, there's always the return walk home.

"JAUNE, I MI- UGH!" Pulling the string back, I yanked Ruby back towards me, giving her another chance at completing our mission, as she barely readied her weapon again for the second swipe, which luckily connected near the base of the tail, causing the rest of the tail to fall and impale its owner in the back, with it making hisses and clicks angrily in pain. "Okay, we got rid of the tail, now what?" Ruby asked as I caught her when she returned to our side of the battleground and removed the string from her leg. "Now, is the time for that glyph I asked Weiss to make- IS IT READY YET?!" "I'm standing right here, you don't have to scream!" The ice princess scolded as she crossed her arms and nodded towards the end of the bridge. "It's over there- why did you want that, anyway?" "You'll see. Now, while I am going towards it, I want you to make three extra glyphs beneath me when I tell you to." "Beneath-" "Okay, I'm off, wish me luck, bye!" Backing up a bit, I made a sprint towards the glyph as soon as I could. Looking back, I could see the monster once again made it's way towards the girls, pinching with its one good claw and waving around the ther like a blunt object, trying to smash them into the ground. "Well, here goes nothing- or everything, I'm not sure in this case." Quickly leaping up as I reached the end of the bridge, I shoved my feet onto the glowing white glyph, and not a second later, I felt a massive push back from the reversed inertia(I really like this word, don't I?) of my run and jump. Going with it, I shot off the mystical arcane art and shot across the bridge in under a second.

"Shit, shit, SHIT! MOVE!" Yelling out a warning to the three people on the bridge, they didn't have any time to react before I basically bowled them over on my way towards the monster. "Okay, lets hope this works." Nearing the creature, I was too fast for it to snip me in half, so it went to smash me with the claw instead, but I quickly went into a slide as I passed under the claw, and even the body itself. Right as I reached the center under the massive beast, I stamped my foot onto the bridge, cratering where my foot had landed, and then pushed off the floor and shot out my knee, and hit it harder than anything I have probably hit anything before(In this world, at least.).

That appeared to do the trick, as the thing roared as it went soaring into the air from my hit.

"Ho-" "Ly-" "Cow." The remaining members of our ragtag group that stuck with me all dropped their jaws as they witnessed me kick up a grim that weighed tons as easy as if it were a soccer ball.

"If you thought that was good, just wait until you see the rest of it." Pausing, I added to that statement. "That being said, you might want to wait on the ground that isn't slowly crumbling around you." Prepping for another jump as the others made their way towards the beginning of the ruins again, I finally pushed off the ground and soon met with the giant bug that was sprawling through the sky. "Yo, what's shakin', big, ugly, and moronic?" Flipping in the air, I planted my feet on the underside of the Death Stalker again, and pushed it further in the air as I was sent sailing to the ground again. "Ice queen, now!" "Someday, brute. Someday I will end you." Doing as I wished, she created a glyph underneath me before I could reach the ground, and I quickly jumped off of it to reach the monster again. "Alright, large, dumb, and just overall unpleasant- time for you to get all washed up! And whaddya know? It's on the washing cycle, too."

Grinning, I took out the blue dust crystals I… Borrowed- yeeeeeeeah, borrowed- from Weiss when I bumped into her, and I quickly shot them off into the sky above the monster and took out Crescent Rose that I… Okay, so I did steal this one.

Sue me!

Have lawyers up the wazoo anyhow… Albeit, dead ones, but still-

Jews are Jews.

Aiming down the sight, I stuck my tongue out and fired off several bullets that hit and broke open the dust, letting loose a torrent of water that cascaded down onto the still airborne creature, and after it was fully soaked, I took out another dust crystal, but this one was yellow in color. "Oh, would you look at that, the washing machine is malfunctioning! All the clothes just keep getting electrocuted once they're wet!" Jumping off another platform as I set the scythe on my lower back, I was raised high into the air above the scorpion this time, and I positioned myself to dive onto the beast's back, while also smashing the crystal onto it as well, with lightning jumping out of the broken artifact not long after it broke. And thanks to the water conducting it, the lightning quickly spread across the body of the thing and started frying it.

Too bad I didn't exactly think straight, and got electrocuted along with it.

"I've heard of the elllllllllectric boogaloo before, but this is ridiiiiiiiiiiculous!" I sputtered as the shock reached me and my hair frayed onto its end, giving me an afro not unlike a certain samurai… Hollow… Thing, that I once knew. Shaking my head, I ignored the electric shock. "Alright, ugly. I fixed the machine, and now it's time for the spin cycle!" Tilting my body back, I slowly fell from the top of the body into a free fall. But before I could go far, I latched onto one of the spindly legs the thing had attached to it. Grunting into our descent, I meticulously lifted the entire creature above my head, and slowly let it fall below me again, and repeated this process until we were steadily rotating like a wheel through the air. "Well, you seem to be fine now, Mr. Asscorpion, so I think you are finally-" Seeing the bridge right below us now, I spun the Deathstalker one more time until it's large mass collided with already damaged bridge, finally breaking it and sending it's hissing form falling into the misty depths as I gave myself a boost by kicking off it and landing on a small portion of the bridge that still remained.

"All washed up."

"HOLY CRUD, THAT WAS AWESOME!" "GO JAUNE-JAUNE!" "... Meh." "Yes, yes, I know; I kick all the ass." Holding my head high, I puffed out my chest. "But that's to be expected by someone of my skill level- don't try that at home, kiddies." "Uh, who are you-" "No one. Oh yeah- here's your scythe back, Ruby." "My wha- YOU TOOK MY BABY?!" Shrugging, I tossed the collapsed form over to her, and sighed as she caught and cradled it like a mother would her own child.

Dramatic, much(Or hypocritical…)?

"Okay, I'm gonna jump over, now! So I suggest you give me room to land… A LOT of room." Doing as I said, they deftly moved away from the edge of the bridge as I took a step back, and launched forward to jump over the gap in the bridge. "Man, this day turned out a hell of a lot better than I had a originally thought it would-" I was cut off from tempting fate as the giant prehistoric bird took another round the block and scooped me up as I was mid-jump.

"... I don't know who I hate more, at this point- the bird, myself, or the deity looking down on me right now."

I feel like the deity is grinning and laughing up a shit storm currently, so I'll go for him.

Looking around, stuck in the bird's talons, I saw the other four members of our Breakfast Club(Or our Yang, as the blonde would call it.) rapidly firing off guns to try and knock the bird down(Spoiler: It wasn't working.). "I thought you guys had this thing?!" "We thought we did, but it won't stay still long enough for us to catch it, and our bullets aren't really doing a Yang up job at the moment!"

Remind me to add 'Puns' to the list of things to exclude in the next chapter of this thing, will ya?

"Oh for the love of- you guys suck!" Pulling a fist back, I let it loose and struck the Aerodactyl reject straight in the upper part of its leg, making it screech and release the cargo it was carrying(I.E., ME!). "Hm. Didn't really think this one through all the way…" Luckily I didn't need to, because in the middle of the free fall, a glowing white glyph saved my ass again. "Thanks, doll face! I'll be sure to give you an extra special 'Thank you' later!" And of course as soon as that left my mouth, I was falling to my doom again.

Typical women.

"Okay, fine, I won't do that then!" Your loss. "Now that this issue is settled-" I wobbly stood on a smaller than usual platform(The witch- okay, I have got to stop it with the puns already.) as the asshole dinosaur ancestor squawked and flew away and turned again for another sweep. "-I need one of you people to hand me your weapon."

"NO! Not Crescent Rose again!" "I, uh, don't think my weapon is very, um, suitable for this task..." "Yeah, no- not that I wouldn't give you them, I just don't trust your catching skills." "Mine is attached to the bow on my head, so-" "You are not touching Myrtenaster again!" "I have abandonment issues."

"Oh for the love of- you guys are pussies!"

"Oooh, oooooh! Pick me, PICK MEEEEEE!" "Ahem, yes Nora?" That's all I got to say before I found a hammer slamming into the side of my head. "TAKE GOOD CARE OF MAGNHILD FOR ME!" "Sure, no problem, leprechaun man!" Shaking off the dizziness from the impact, I became alert as the crow more annoying than Poe's reared its ugly head. "Huh. I wonder how my shot is now that I'm in a new body?" Taking a stance, I gripped the hammer hard as the bird came within striking distance. "FOUR!" And then took my shot at it's beady little head as it passed, causing it to do a literal comical 360 in the air and slam right into the cliff beside me, causing the ground to shake from the impact. "Hole in one- a new personal record!"

Holy hell, and I've never gotten anything below a 30 shot swing- oh, is that bad? I'm sorry, it's just that they don't teach you how to golf in a massive sand trap filled with other traps(Literally-) and massive monsters that want to eat your tainted soul!

Jack asses..

"Jaune! Finish it off before it gets back up!" "Finish wha- OH, right!" Flinging the hammer at the beast with precision you couldn't find anywhere but at Thor's fraternity house, it struck the already semi-dazed bird in the head, sending the appendage flying back into the wall, stunning it further. "FOR HUFFLEPUUUUUUUFF!" With that war-cry said, I leapt from the platform once more, and landed directly on the back of the stupid animal reject. Not staying in that spot for long, I made my way up top and to its head, poking the left eye as I passed just for shits and giggles-

What, I need to get my entertainment somewhere.

As I reached the climax of the climb, I grabbed onto the beak of the dumb ass black chicken(It's like a regular chicken, but with dark meat and it lives in bad neighborhoods.), and shoved the massive funnel into the rocks in front of it, grunting as I did so. Unfortunately for me, the poke and the whole 'Beak shoved into cliff' thing awoke it from its previous state, and it started furiously shaking, trying to get me off. But also luckily for me, it had no such luck as I moved to behind it's head, and right at the neck, and pushed it further into the cliff, ensuring it wouldn't be escaping any time soon.

"And now, for the fun part." Dropping down, I made a show of picking back up the discarded hammer, and made my way back to the top of it's head. "You know, before I was a Hunter-in-Training, I was actually a construction worker." Lifting up the mighty weapon, I swiftly lowered it again- right onto the top of the bird's head, causing a loud 'CRACK' to fill the air as everybody but me winced. "I'll skip straight to the punchline and say the obvious 'I worked the jackhammer'." Not letting up there, I lifted the hammer back up and slammed it straight back down, causing the creature to roar(Or hum, in this case-) in agony. "Hm. Haven't hit skull yet, apparently- oh well. Third time's the charm, and all that!" Lifting it up one more time, I brought it back down, harder than ever, and finally cracked the things skull as ruptured skull pieces flew out in a shower of white and black, leaving a decent sized hole in the top of its head. "Ooooh, I think I see brain!"

*SQUELCH*

"Or at least brain matter!" "Uh, Jaune- I think it's dead." "Dead? Already? Nah-" "Jaune, you've been hitting it non-stop for 5 minutes- there is no recognizable head anymore." Looking away from Ruby and back at my work, it would appear I got a little carried away. "So it would seem. But oh well, that's just how I work." Taking out a pair of aviators, I put them on and posed smugly.

"Because here at Papa Jaunes, we only use the freshest ingredients to kick some ass."

Oh dear lord, I think I have come down with Punitus!

"Anyway, here's your hammer back, Nora." "My Precious!" "... Right. Well, I think it's time we headed back to that BILF and her special needs butler now." "Brute, that 'butler' is the Headmaster."

"... _Seriously_?"

* * *

"... With Cardin Winchester as team leader. Congratulations."

Everyone applauded(Except me of course- I couldn't be bothered.) as the team arrogantly flexed and posed on stage for everyone to laugh- I mean gaze- at freely. "And then we have Pyrrha Nikos, Yang Xiao Long, Blake Belladonna, and Ren Lie forming PYBR, Team Phiber, with Pyrrha Nikos as team leader!" Phiber?

Seriously?

"I swear, the names keep getting dumber and dumber as we move along." "Hush! He's announcing our team, now!" "Wait, he is?" Looking around, it seems we were next to go as we were standing on the stage now. "Huh." "Next we have Jaune Arc, Weiss Schnee, Ruby Rose, and Nora Valkyrie forming JWRN, Team Journey, led by Jaune Arc!" "WHAT?!" "Okay, Phiber, and now Journey? Your acronym game be shit, homes." "Yes, I do believe it is. But, in my defense, I was sort of banking on Team RWBY and JNPR for TEAM's Ruby and Juniper." "Oh, were you now? Because I was sort of banking on not getting flung into a forest filled with near copyrighted material and rejected animals all while dislocating my shoulder by going full George of the Jungle on that shit. But while I may have only encountered one giant bird in that forest, I got two especially for you."

With that said, I gave him those birds, and presented them proudly.

"Enjoy all the bird watching you'll be doing in my four years here, Mr. Wizz."


	3. Eat, sleep, pray(That I dont kill you)

**Yeah, yeah, I know- late as shit, but whatever. Also, in case any of you haven't read my other story(Which is** ** _all_** **of you, you ungrateful bastards.), my computer went coo-coo for being broken, so now I have to write my stories on mobile, and that takes a shit ton more time than normal, and on top of everything** **else, my updates will be even slower until I can buy a new one.**

 **But, you know. Love Senpai, live Senpai, read my stories, and all that good jazz.**

"Damn, damn, son of a bitch, damn!" I cursed to myself silently in the pitch black of JWRN's dormroom the very night that Initiation took place, looking under a microscope as I brooded my angst away on my bed. When I had taken a tiny sample of what little Reiatsu I could gather in myself(Which was pathetically the only amount of energy I could even scrounge up to begin with, mind you-), this was not at all what I had hoped to find out.

In fact, in the spectrum of things, this was the least wanted thing right next to finding out that I had erectile dysfunction coupled with prostate cancer and a sudden case of infertility.

The two were very close on said spectrum, still.

When I had looked under the microscope to analyze the nature of my Reiatsu in the hopes of figuring out my problems with 'Performance Anxiety', the results had been what I had always wished the paternity tests for all my bastard, one night stand children would be.

 _Inconclusive._

Sadly, life loved fucking me(And I, it… But not in the literal sense, mind you- wouldn't do to just start humping the air randomly and hope I score with the bitch that way.), so that was not the case. Before I could even procure a proper device with which I could conduct my experiments, my tiny, meager sample of me juice(No, we are still on the Reiatsu, not my sperm- perverts.) was already deteriorating in the atmosphere around us, and by the time I got it under the scope, I had scant seconds to observe before the sample faded entirely.

Luckily for me, however, I was the leading expert in my universe when it came to all things Reishi, Reiryoku, and Reiatsu, so I had seen examples of this before.

Mainly in Quincy specimens that had abundant amounts of Hollow Reishi flowing through their veins after being infected by one of us.

Now, this either meant something was destroying me from the inside, or the very oxygenated areas around me had some kind of bacterial, virus, or even its own Reishi that was counteracting against my own to obstruct my powers from manifesting.

If it was the former, then Jaune Arc had something inside him before we 'Merged', so to speak(If the fact that this body got my insane love for masochistic streaks, or the fact I got his supposed love for Bloopy Reggae Jams was anything to go by-), that was interfering with my ability to use kick ass, godlike attacks and impeccably precise support techniques, or the very world as Jaune Arc knew it was out to kill me. Sadly, it wouldn't be the first time.

You didn't get me back then, and you're certainly not getting me now in your funworld of death, you sleazy, cheese eating republican rat!

A-hem, getting back on track, from the past experiences I have seen and heard of in tales long since past, however, basically all evidence so far was proving to lean more for the first case, as if the world was indeed just rejecting my Reiatsu, I would still have access to my Reiryoku, and be able to perform the basic techniques every Hollow was born with that didn't require manifesting Reiatsu outside the body with control no new-born Hollow could hope to have, and not be able to pool even the smallest amounts of energy into the world like I had done a whole ago.

However, even pooling my Reiryoku together to attempt _anything_ was met with failure as I had no damn Reiryoku to even SPEAK of at the moment!

So, sufficed to say, it was easy to deduce that the world wasn't out to (Pro-)actively kill me, so then it must be something else going on in my body that was causing me to be unable to use anything. What that could possibly be, though, was beyond even my perception, as I hadn't the slightest in the way of clues.

It couldn't be the conduit(AKA: The body.), as it seemed to have gained all my resistances and immunities to outside, foreign bodies, so I couldn't have been infected with anything from this world, and there is little-to-no known illnesses of this nature to be spoken of for the Hollow species as a Hole(Yang was really rubbing me the wrong way… Okay, okay, I'll stop with the jokes.), because, say what you will, for a bunch of beasts with little in the way of intelligence and being cannibal as fuck, our bodies took different pathogens and bacteria a lot better than any other known species out there, so illnesses were out on both sides.

But that left so little which could be left; could my inability to mold Reiatsu be a byproduct of our bodies fusions? Will it eventually fade in time when we finally fuse completely, or did something in said process jack up and destroy my pools of power in the same way?

"Ugh! There are too many possibilities, with only so many plausible solutions!" I growled silently so that I wouldn't wake up any of my team members(Especially Nora- _may whatever deity out there have mercy on my poor soul if it was Nora_ -) as I slammed a hand into my bed, spilling one of the many books piled on top of it onto the floor by accident. "Damn it!" Once more cursing, but this time at my own stupidity and not something completely out of my hands in terms of possibility, I reached down and picked it back up, glancing at the title from the corner if my eyes as I placed it back onto a nearby pile.

I froze.

Wait, DJ, play me back that last track again.

Uh, what?

You know, play that last one back to me again.

Hablar Ingles, porfavor?

God damn it, man, you are ME! You know the same shit I do, so you know what it means!

I don't know shit when the dumbass telling me the shit doesn't even know what is spilling out of his own mouth!

… Just repeat what you said back in that last paragraph, jackass.

Oh! You could have just said so in nerd speak. Geez.

' _May whatever deity out there have mercy on my poor soul if it was Nora'_ There! Zoom in, eleventh word! ' _Soul_?'

Son of a bitch, it was right in front of me.

Picking back up the fallen book again, I examined it further.

' _The Rays of your Life! A Guide to Souls, Aura, and Semblances!_ '

It wasn't my body that was a hindrance, it was my soul! Specifically, my CONJOINED soul that was currently situated inside the same body, with possibly two warring energy presences that both have to do with the state a soul is usually in…

Okay, now you all probably think me stupid, but give me a break here! This is like my third day here, and my first even knowing what the fuck an Aura is!

Quietly clicking my tongue in annoyance, I flicked the book open to a seemingly random page and started reading pointedly.

 _Semblances are similarly linked to the soul, like Aura, but not nearly as much as Aura itself is, and is more related to the use of Aura, so is more indirectly connected to the soul. Aura, however, as stated previously, is much more in tune to the soul than a Semblance. If even the tiniest change to the soul is made, such as the death of a loved one, or a bodily injury that inflicts permanent harm to the person in the form of physical injury or a negative development to the mind of the user, change is easily felt and seen within the Aura. There have even been cases seen in which the person underwent such modification that their Aura transformed completely or, in a very severe few, locked itself away forever._

That… Couldn't be good.

* * *

Ah, my favorite part of the day, at last!

" **HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK**!" "WHAT IN THE DUST-" "MY COOKIES!" "BUT I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE ACADEMY! It smells like the _albinos_!" Each of my team members fell to the floor, _floored_ as to what woke them up.

You want someone to blame? Blame Yang.

I had the feeling I would be saying that a lot from now on.

"What the- ARC? What is the meaning of this?!" Weiss got off of the tangled mess that were her teammates and straightened her nightgown as she glared at me.

Of maybe it was aimed at the air horn in my hand, hard to tell.

"The meaning of this, is that it is already 7, and none of you are up, so I decided to wake you myselves before you missed breakfast AND classes." They each seemed to perk up at that. "Breakfast? You brought us BREAKFAST?! I knew that Headmaster guy chose you as our leader for a reason!"

Yaeh. He chose me as leader so I could be breakfast boy, Nora.

… Son of a bitch, he chose me as leader so I could be breakfast boy!

Ignoring the sudden twitch in my eye, I shook my head. "Anyway, hurry up and get dressed before the breakfast I made gets cold." As Nora and Ruby yelped and hightailed it to the bathroom, Weiss eyeballed me. " _You_ made the breakfast? Not the cafeteria?" "Yeah." I shrugged, idly itching at the collar of my blazer that I left unbuttoned and without a tie. "Don't get me wrong, I am sure the food there is good and all-" I actually wasn't sure of that, but no need to get them down in the dumps before the year even started. "-But I thought our first day deserved something a little more special, so I, ah, _solicited_ the kitchen for a while to make us all our favorite dishes." She narrowed her eyes at me. "And _how_ do you know our favorite dishes, or even took over the Beacon cafeterias kitchen for that matter-" "Ah, ah, ah, Ice Princess." I grinned at her and gestured to the bathroom. "That would spoil the fun! But you should be getting dressed soon, anyway. School starts in less than two hours." Grumbling at that, the white haired girl went over and snatched her own uniform and went to get dressed with the others.

"Good. Now that they're up, we can also get to settling in."

Waiting and reading what was the last book in my stack of books still left untouched, I flipped a page as the girls finally came out some minutes later, dressed and ready to go. "Dang, Jaune." Ruby eyed up my(Well, to me-) unimpressive stack of books. "You sure seem eager to get a start on the school year!" "I suppose so. Hopefully this book proves more prudent than the rest of my readings before it have, too." She blinked slowly. "Wait, are you telling me you read ALL of those-" "Who cares?! NORA WANTS FOOD!" "And so Nora shall have said food." Without so much as even glancing up, I procured three trays of food from behind my back, expertly holding them up in the one arm.

"I heard you all talking some such days ago, and remember you each saying your preference for easily digestible content, so I took the liberty of making you each something special. Nora-" I handed the tray to a drooling Valkyrie. "You seem to have a fetish for all things pancake-" "Live by the pan. Die by the cake." "-So I made you pancakes with extra syrup and untold amounts a bacon on the side. Ruby-" I handed the next tray to the wide eyed girl with a red cape worn above her uniform. "I heard you love all things cookies, so I made my special Oatmeal Raisin recipe, with some milk on the side." I actually looked from my book and stared soullessly into her own eyes. "Guard them with your _life_ so that my enemies do not get their hands on them and do unspeakable things to the deliciousness." Ruby gapsed. "They shall have to pry them from my cold dead hands, first!" Nodding to her, I went back to my book and handed the last tray to a still skeptical Weiss. And for Weiss, you spoke of your preference of coffee over tea, so with a nice iced latte, I also scrounged up a nice basil, tomato based soup, with some cucumber sandwiches on the side to snack in." Nodding in finality, I went and sat down on my bed as they all did the same.

"You should all hurry with breakfast, too, because afterwards we still have to set up our shared room." Gasping in realization, Nora and Ruby nodded. "I totally forgot that we needed to do that! Come on, guys, let's eat and get this done!" Nora didn't have to be told twice and was already stuffing her face with bacon. Weiss, however-

"And what about you?" "What about me?" I flipped a page. "Why are you not eating?" "I, if you'll remember, was up and ready to go before all of you were even up. I ate before I woke you all for the day." Not immediately getting a response, I sighed. "Really? You _really_ think I poisoned your food?" " _What_?!" Ruby's hands went to her mouth(Hilariously stuffed full of cookies to the point of looking like a chipmunk-) as Nora stopped stuffing bacon in her hole(... I don't know why, but I feel like I should be apologizing for something.) and looked over, wide eyed. Ruby finally had the sense to swallow(Ha!) and looked over in disbelief at her partner. "Weiss! He was nice enough to make us all breakfast, and you're accusing him of poisoning your food?! That is messed up! Apologize and eat his amazingly delicious food right now!"

The 'So he will actually do it for us again' went unsaid.

"Sorry for actually being _realistic_ here, Ruby- oh wait, I'm not!" "Realistic? You are just being paranoid! For NOTHING! He is our leader, and the Headmaster chose him to lead us for a reason! Besides, if he tried to do it anyway, he'd be caught immediately! There's no way he would attempt it with odds against him like that!" Wow. Thanks for the support, Ruby. "Easy for you to say! All it would take is one wrong bite, and BAM! To the morgue for me! And all because I trusted the wrong type of person!" "Oi! That's my partner you're talking about there!"

Well didn't THIS day turn out just swell?

"Okay, OKAY! That's enough! Ruby, while Weiss _is_ being a tad bit paranoid-" " _Hey!_ " "-Coming from the family she does, it is still probably to be expected. Her food has probably been poisoned dozens of times by assassins before, so it is probably ingrained into her to be cautious at this point. But Weiss- we are a _team_."

God, I shudder at that fact.

"And teams don't just go out of their way to kill teammates." Another Page flip. "We'll just do that the easy way with untold amounts of teasing and unwanted puns." "Oh please Oum, no. I get enough of that from Yang."

And you are about to get more from me too.

Welcome to grown up life, Ruby.

Where you do and put up with shit you really, really don't want to.

"Alright, alright, I'm-" Here, Weiss looked little better than as if she had swallowed a lemon Hole(All of the puns!). "- _Sorry_. I may have been a little too quick to assume your intentions with this breakfast. It's just- it was a little suspicious that you made our breakfasts _yourself_ and new our favorite foods by just hearing about it once or twice." "Nah, don't worry about it." I lazily waved a hand in her direction. "Eat or don't eat, I really don't care or take offense. But we need to be getting this room in shape soon, so it is now or never." "R-Right, right…" Gulping, she daintily lifted a spoonful of the tomato based liquid, and sipped at it. "It's-" She blinked. "It's good. _Really_ good, actually!" "Yeah! These cookies are easily the best I've ever had of their kind- maybe even the best of any I've tasted before!" "Mmhhhmmmhm!"

I was going to guess that was Nora speak for 'Good bacon!'.

"Seriously, these are amazing. Where did you learn to bake like this?" Ruby asked, still munching on the cookies. "Yes, and I have to wonder where you were taught how to make such fine cuisine as well. I haven't had personal chefs with as much skill as you before." Weiss quietly bit into a sandwich, giving off an appreciative hum as she did. "PANCAKES! BACON! PANCAKES AND BACON!"

'Nough said.

"Meh. Just an old hand at it I suppose." I shrugged at the not-so-lie.

Learning to cook so that your meals wouldn't leave your sight and be poisoned made me an old hand at it, right?

Probably did.

"Though, I have to ask about my milk- you sure it wasn't expired or anything? The color seems off, and it smells kind of different to regular milk." "Yeah! And it looks like you dropped reindeer pellets into my damn PANCAKES!" "... Uh, no, Nora, that isn't-" I shook my head. "What, you've never seen flavored milk or pancakes with added preservatives in them before?" The two aforementioned questioners slowly turned to each other. "Flavored…?" "... Pancakes?" They both quickly set about drinking and eating my concoctions to see what I was talking about, causing their eyes to widen in an almost impossible manner. "Holy cow, this milk tastes like STRAWBERRIES!" "And my pancakes have tiny chunks of chocolate inside of them! This is the greatest invention since sliced pancakes!"

They both got off their bed and started kneeling before me in reverence. "We are not worthy!" I stared for a few seconds before tilting my head to Weiss' direction. "If you're expecting me to do that too, it will take a lot more than this for me to even think about it." Pausing to look at my raised eyebrow, she rebuffed herself. "On second thought, knowing you, that could very well be in the realm of possibility…"

* * *

"Seems a bit… _Cramped_ , don't you think?" "Whaaaaaaaaaat? Cramped, _no_. No no no no, nnnnnno." "But-" "Nope."

It was times like these that I hated how much Nora was like me. It made figuring out when she used sarcasm that much more difficult.

If she even used it in the first place, I mean.

I sighed as the three girls bickered on how they would fix our living arrangements. "Welllllllll, what about- wait for it." Ruby paused dramatically. "Bunkbeds." "Jaaaaaaaaaaune!" Ruby pouted and crossed her arms. "You ruined my moment." "Sorry Ruby, I couldn't help myself. Ice princess over here was glaring at you so hard I was worried she would freeze you _Weiss_ cold!" Said Ice princess just turned her glare on me as Ruby gave me a dry look. "What?" A piece of crumpled paper hit my head. "Boooooooo!" Nora said as she gave me a thumbs down.

Everybody was a critic…

"But getting back on track, bunkbeds aren't that bad an idea." Weiss gave me a look. "Uh, _yes_. They are. In case you hadn't noticed, three seventeen year olds and a kid- " _Hey_!" "-Do not have quite a good grasp on constructing a plank of _wood_ , let alone making our beds into something so dangerous! What if the top one fell onto the bottom one?! The person on it would be crushed!"

I stared at her blankly.

"We are at a school where they teach us how to fight massive beasts of nature, harness our incredibly volatile inner powers into the outside world, and just generally how to live in this cruddy place we call a world, and your first immediate thought when we say 'Bunkbeds' is 'It's dangerous!'?" Slowly but surely, the other two occupants of the room turned to the last remaining one as red crept up onto her otherwise porcelain skin. "W-Well, that is to say, I-I only had our best interests in…" She just gulped and shrunk in on herself.

Riiiiiiiight.

"If it's saftey you're worried about, I wouldn't bother. I have crafted _much_ bigger things than some flimsy bunk beds for our desired comfort." Ruby looked interested at that. "Like what?" "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuh."

Don't say death cannon, don't say death cannon, don't say death cannon-

"A couch from IKEA?"

Nailed it.

Speaking of nailed, though(Really wish I were right now, that's for sure-), I looked over at the clock nailed to our dorm rooms wall and almost did a spit-take(An actual one, though, with actual spit, because I wasn't even drinking anything currently.). "Son of a female dog in heat! It's 8:50!" "So?" " _So_? Classes start in less than ten minutes!" "T-Ten minutes?!" Everyone in the room started panicking(Except for Nora, because I am pretty sure that while we start at zero and go to a hundred real quick, her default speed is 250.) as they tried to gather everything they needed for the day, and book it to class to hopefully not be late. "Hurry, hurry, hurry!" I tried to rush them out of the door, but Nora had other plans.

"Quickly! To the Nora-Mobile!" Wait, hadn't that Ursa died back out in the- "Ooomph!" Turns out, she went and got herself a new, used vehicle.

 _My back_.

Shaking my head, I Decided to just roll with it… Until- "Great thinking, Nora! You always seem to know just what to do!" The fuck did THAT mean?! I quickly found out as Ruby jumped and perched herself onto my shoulders as Nora situated herself onto my back, not unlike(Yes, I get the irony here. _Jackasses_.) a sloth, as I finally just slapped my palm into my face. Turning my head(And earning myself a squeak and a hand hurriedly guiding my head back into position, courtesy of Ruby- who wasn't _nearly_ as pure and naive as she led others to believe if her underwear choice the same color as her name was any indication.) to the last remaining member of my team, I raised an eyebrow at her. "If you think for one second I am doing anything similar to what those two did, you are sorely mistaken." Aw, dear old Weiss. I knew I could count on-

"You will transport me like any dignified person, with you carrying me securely in both arms, in a respectable fashion with your hands staying in one precise location, as if I feel you wandering even a _bit_ , you will be lucky to have any by the time the day is done."

You sassy bitch.

Glancing once again at the clock, I found I had absolutely no time to argue(Or even think up any 'good' puns! Damn it.) so I just went with it and quickly picked her up in my arms like a bride, kicked open(Read: Down… I had a lot of work to do once I got back tonight.) the door and sprinted past an equally frantic and late team PYBR as I carried my team on my back(Wouldn't be the first time…) to our class.

Which, thinking back on it,was taught by some portly man or whatever, being Grimm studies(What with Hollows being of basically the same biology, mentality, combat prowess, and… Virtually everything else under the sun, I didn't expect to pay much attention in that class, nor be anything but the best in the subject, surpassing even the supposed teacher of the class.), and being in room 209, if my schedule was anything to go by.

Though, with absolutely none of the doors having any real numbers next to, above, or even on them, I honestly didn't know if I should even believe what type of fucking tree that paper was made of.

"Son of a whore, Ozpin fucked me AGAIN! There are no numbers to tell any of these classes apart!" I would at least like a cup of coffee first, maybe over a nice brunch before I get bent over a table, have my pants pulled down with my underwear and be absolutely, 100%, FUCKED- "Well, don't just stand there! Start looking for it! We have less than-" Checking her scroll, Weiss answered. "3 minutes before we are officially late- for the first day, no less!" "Worry not, princess! Your knight will ensure that this little bump does not tarnish your vast and luxurious record!" "Grand. Tell me if you see this supposed knight, will you?"

Ouch.

"Your words pierce me, but have no effect, for I have the harm of fortitude, which triples my defense against piercing weapons such as yours!" "What… What are you _on_?"

I grinned.

"Let us find out together, non-believer." Not wasting anymore time, I made my way to the first door, kicking it in to peer inside. "Grimm Studies?" The teacher awkwardly shook his head at the sight of us. "Semblance Manifestation…" "Damn." Moving onto the next classroom, I proceeded to do the same thing there. "Grimm Studies?" "N-No, this is 'How to Control your Aura'." "Double damn." Running over to the next door, I did the same thing again, only this time it was accompanied by a loud shriek, what looked like dust hitting the floor, and then a large explosion, taking everything inside the classroom with it. "... Not Grimm Studies."

This went on for about another minute, where I busted open doors, to varied expressions of shock, anger, annoyance(Boy was that Glynda once I came a-knockin'. Though, to be fair, it probably was equal parts of both that and anger, but I didn't stick around long enough to see how much it actually was.), and even jubilance at one point(From what I came to find was the Plant Sciences teacher, and from what I saw on his shelves, easily my new favorite class.), trying in vain to find our correct class, to no avail.

"Son of a two-timing whore! How many possible classrooms am I going to be knocking down the door to in the vague hopes of finding our needed one?!" Speak of the devil though, I panted as I knocked down the last door in this corridor, slowly making my way through the now doorless frame. "For the love of all that doesn't entirely loathe my existence, PLEASE tell me this is Grimm Studies!" "Well, you would be quite right dear boy!" The portly man behind the desk twirled his mustache and looked over at the clock, just as a bell rang. "And not a moment too soon, too! Such a showy entrance as well, why, it reminded me of a young, well, me, from back in the day! Oh yes-" The teacher went on a rant as I dropped Weiss back onto her feet, let Ruby off, and shrugged until Nora fell as well, and when they were all down, I fell to my knees, then face planted onto the floor.

Ruby looked vaguely disconcerted as she carefully toes my fallen form. "Uh, you ok down there, Jaune?" I shakily held up a hand, and lifted my thumb upwards. "Oh, good! You're still alive to mule us around fo

r another day!"

I tried telling myself that these were groans and not sobs, nor that was I crying, but letting manly tears well up from all my hard labor today.

I don't think I believed me.

* * *

I sighed tiredly as I rubbed my eyes, leisurely making my way out of the stupidest class I had ever had the displeasure of attending. Seriously, hearing Port(Like hell I would call that man- ANY MAN if it came to this school- a professor!) blabber on and on constantly about his adventures when he was younger, the beasts he took on that were apparently colossal but I doubted were the size of a large dog in real life, and the different relatives he had that had the accumulated smell of various cheeses and meats(And the one with the scratch and sniff of _cabbage_ …) made me want to pull a picasso, _twice_. This had been a horrid first week, and the other classes I had weren't that much better on the spectrum of 'Give a fuck about', and the only noteworthy thing that had taken place was when Weiss went up to the front if the class for Grimm Studies to struggle against what looked like a below average sized Boarbatusk to prove she had what it took to be a leader(Because, spoiler alert, she was pissed I was made leader and not her… Fucking cry-baby.).

Because apparently barely fending off one of the weakest specimens of easily the weakest species of Grimm made her the Professor-fucking-Xavier of Huntsmen and Huntresses.

Luckily(For what little remained of my sanity-), this was the last week of the first week of the rest of our lives, and supposedly the only week where they hold off on the fun sounding classes, like the combat one and the dust safety class where we would practice using dust and even forming varied types from the basic elemental ones.

My favorite would probably be Plant Science, though.

Tots gonna Gonja my dong off.

"Give it BACK!" Hm? Looking over to the left of a once vacant hall, I saw Ruby surrounded by what looked like the Goonies(Fat, nerdy, smartmouth, asian.), trying and failing to jump and reach something the tallest one was keeping in the air above her head. "I am _so_ going to kick your butts when I get Crescent Rose from my locker!" "Hahaha, I'm sure you will, pipsqueak. But as it is-" He shoved her to the ground, and she hit it with a quiet 'Oomph!'. "-I hold all the cards and, what is this, some kind of blanket?" He shook what I now saw as her red riding cape. "No! It's my cape! It's the last thing I have from my mother, so give it back!" "Aaaaaw, isn't that _cute_? The baby still wears a cape! And she thinks she is Beacon material?" They all shared in a quick laugh before the 'Leader' grinned down at Ruby. "I have no clue how someone like _you_ made it into Beacon, but it was obviously a mistake. Luckily for you, however, your dear old friend Cardin here is more than willing to help you along! And I think we need to start with getting rid of your silly little kiddy toy, here." Here, he gripped the cloth in both hands and gestured slightly, just enough to get his point across.

"No!" I don't think I had seen Ruby move as fast as she had just then, but even then it wasn't enough, for when she reached asshole(I refer to everyone who refers to themselves in the third person as an asshole- and before you start, I have been an asshole _far_ longer than you have most likely been alive.), she wasn't strong enough to do more than reach up and punch(Which was more like a slap from an elderly old woman for all the good it did then.) him in the face, barely tilting his face as one of his goons(Get it? Goon, Goonie? Eh? Eh- ah go fuck yourself.) moved over and pulled her back, restraining her as he did. "Oh." Cardin grinned and spit off to the side(Extremely gross.) before looking back at Ruby. "Big mistake." He gripped the cloth in an even tighter bunch in his hands, and started slowly stretching it out. "NO! PLEASE! IT'S THE LAST THING MY MOTHER GAVE ME!" Ruby was little better than a baby at this point, red faced and crying her soulful little eyes out.

The sight pulled the trigger for me.

For all you folks at home, reading one of my ever so clever and cute stories for the first time, you wouldn't know it, but I am very, _very_ hard to anger. I've had countless limbs cut from my body, various organs expelled from my insides, been injected by poisons and drugs that would have even someone like Batman lying on the ground, writhing in agony, played 'Hide-the-Sausage-in-my-Ass' against my will, and even at some points had to watch as the closest things I had to whatever the hell 'Fry-Inds' were be tortured beyond any valid reasoning. But none of that had ever made me furious- a little peeved? Sure. Annoyed to high heaven? You bet. Angered, however? That was something else entirely. There have been very few times I was as righteously as pissed off as I was just then. When I had first became a Hollow, I was pissed, as is the nature of the creatures. When I had my sword- a part of my very _soul_ , which was also the closest being I had to a confidant; a true, blue, person, who knew exactly what I did, felt what I did, liked what I did, hated what I did- was sealed away from me, by apparent order from _itself_ , so my fury was more than understandable. And then you had when the biggest prick in the world to my eyes tortured the innocent girl in front of him, just because he could, and then had the _gall_ to make her cry on top of it, to actually _hurt_ her.

Each had their valid explanations- all Hollows feel the way I did when they are born, so it was out of my hands. The very soul I had thought understood me, and would be there until I finally just kicked the bucket, had betrayed me, so I was more than entitled to my fury. When I saw Ruby cry, well…

Okay, so I had a thing for cute objects and beings, sue me.

But can you blame me?! They are so freaking _adorable_ that I just wanna hug them for eternity, and then some!

Ruby, as it turns out, counted as 'Cute and adorable'.

And if you fucking make something so unbelievably adorable actually _cry_ and make them feel _pain_ while I am around?

 _You were going to have a bad time_.

"Maybe next time you'll show me a little respect, won't-" Cardin had a real tough time continuing any train of thought when a veritable train in and of itself kicked his face into a locker far enough to leave a dent.

 _On the face_.

"What the-" goon number one didn't get much out in the way of words before I was behind him, taking both arms away from Ruby and kicking him to the floor hard enough to crack it, and the arms. Allowing his limp arms to pool around him I quickly made my way between the only two dicks still standing(Because for once, I _wasn't_ hard- yeah, that's how serious this was.) and basically crushed their skulls between my two hands.

And then against each other.

Seeing them descend to the floor, I couldn't help but thank the stars above that Aura was a thing.

Would be pretty hard to explain away the four corpses on school premises...

"I believe this is yours?" Reaching out, I grasped the still floating cloak and handed it back to a still stuttering mess that was Ruby.

Did I mention this happened in around 2.8 seconds? Because it did. "J-J-Jaune!" Reaching out, she snatched her cloak up fast, and started to try and fix herself up. "F-Funny s-s-seeing y-you here!" She rubbed at her puffy eyes to get rid if any free tears. "I was just- just on my way back to the dorm!" She sniffled again.

It made my lolicon loving heart ache.

So I sighed. "Come on-" Despite many a protest, I lifted her up into my arms and started walking back to our dorm room again. "The first thing we are doing during training is making sure you can actually fight without your weapon. Seriously, watchng butt-muncher go to town on you with his team when I knew you would wipe the floor with him otherwise was painful." She just looked like someone kicked her puppy and stared down at the floor sadly. "I'm sorry-" "For being an inconvenience? For being useless? For being as weak as a Magikarp on land… Or sea? For making me go through another stupid friendship speech? For not wearing a short enough skirt which I can get my jollies off on? For all of the above?" The young girl just looked out of place and was opening and closing her mouth, trying to come up with an appropriate response to those last questions. "Uuuuuuuuuuuuh…" "The answers to all of those should be no, Ruby- you're not an inconvenience, you definitely aren't useless, Magikarps eventually evolve into beastly ass Gyarados's, and while I hate friendship speeches, I am not adverse to them if they get messages through people's abnormally thick skulls." "What about the, um, skirt, thing?"

Okay fine, the answers to _most_ of them should be no.

"The point is, you're fifteen Ruby. You can't do everything right away- even _I_ , as impossible as that is to hear, can't do any and everything. You grow from experiences and learn, like from your last encounter. You know now not to be caught off guard, and to train to be better in combat without your weapon. And if you do that, I am sure Cardin will be as much a pushover to you as he is to me; and if his merry band of mis-shits want to intervene on your asskicking, well-" I cracked my neck. "Nora would be proud to hear what I would do to them." She chuckled, a bit weak sounding, but mostly still filled with mirth as I rounded the corner to our dorm hall. "And considering today is Friday, the weekend is here, and I can help with your training tomorrow." She cracked a grin. "Any good tips then, _coach_?" I made a face that looked like I was actually pondering the question. "Yeah; grow your hair out. You would look even more beautiful that way." My grin split my face as hers couldn't possibly get any redder as I dropped her to her feet and swiped my scroll through the lock, opening our door.

"Now remember, you should rest up for tomorrow, because you'll need to alive and aware entirely for your torture tomorrow." I walked in and looked at the neat bunkbeds I had put together at the beginning of the week(Though, considering I had no use for sleep, I made a tiny wooden floor which I stuck above Nora's bed that had a small desk and shelf where I could work on my projects without taking up everyone else's space in lieu of a bed.), immediately sighing as I felt like I was missing something important I had to do.

 **BAM!**

The door which I had hastily put back onto it's broken hinges so that I could go out and buy more to fix it. Of course.

"Don't you mean, training?" I walked over to where my bed was, and pulled out a screwdriver with a box of screws from under mattress, as well as a bag full of various things, while sparing the poor naive child a pitying glance as I did. "Normally I would try to lie and say it is, but I just can't lie about the amount of hell you are going to go through." She gulped nervously as the rest of our motley crew walked by our fallen door, staring at it as they entered our room. "Jaune-Jaune, I think the door has a booboo." "I know, Nora. It is lucky I am such an astounding doctor so I can fix it right up, then." Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "It is a door, not a child. And you are a dunce, not a pediatric doctor." I walked passed her and made my way to the door, inspecting it as I did. "Says the girl who wouldn't know the first thing about the intricacies of treating mononucleosis, a disease primarily found in children's ages 12-18, with anti-inflammatory biotics, or how to diagnose it and tell the difference between a terrible bacterial infection compared to just swollen tonsils."

She opened her mouth and lifted a finger, before finally lowering it and lifting her mouth back up.

Thought that would shut her up.

"Anyway, don't think you two will be getting out of the hell I am creating tomorrow, because I like making my time as efficient as possible, so you will be training with Ruby to lower the amount of life I am spending teaching you all how to fight properly." I looked at the hinges on the doorframe, and nodded at seeing them still mostly intact, before looking at the ones on the door and cringing.

Yeah, it would normally take some major work to deface a piece of metal like that. And I would rather not talk about the eight other pieces of metal I had that were originally two wholly intact screws either.

Luckily I had gone out and… _Procured_ some new ones from a store who was well known not to be kind to innocent little kitties and bunny rabbits. Of course, the owner was none the wiser, as I had amazing skillz.

The flaming bag of animal refuse I left on his doorstep did make it into the news, however(How desperate were these people for more news if they literally had to make articles on flaming, paper containers of _shit_?).

"Ugh." Weiss groaned and fell backwards onto her bunk. "It is the first weekend of our time here in Beacon- we should be using this time to relax." Who was this lazy bitch, and what did she do with the strict bitch? "Or catch up on some much needed studying." Ah, there she was. "Maybe _you_ need to do that, but I am ahead of everyone in class, and I took the liberty of doing all your homework so you wouldn't have any excuses to get out of this." At that, they all paused and suddenly reached for their books. "Holy _cow_ , a guy that kicks ass AND does my homework?! Best leader, EVER!" "W-When did you have time to not only do our work- _in our own handwriting_ \- but also steal it from us without our noticing?!" "You were all busy stuffing your faces with my food at lunch, so it was pretty easy to take and do it." "In our respective _handwritings_?" "Also pretty easy." I stopped tinkering with the broken hinges and pointed at Weiss. "Overly neat." Then Ruby. "Overly peppy." And finally Nora. "Complete gibberish."

'Nough said.

I went back to the door. "So don't even _think_ about getting out of this that easily." The Ice princess just groaned again in frustration. "Don't you have anything better to do, like tinker with your stupid projects?" "Oi!" I glared at her. "I do not 'Tinker', they are not just 'Projects', and it is important shit, so don't knock it!"

I feel like I made myself a hypocrite right there, but I ignored the feeling.

"But no, I don't have anything better to do tomorrow. I was originally going to browse through some catalogues to get an idea of what weapon I would want to get for myself, but whipping you poor saps into shape comes before that." Ruby gasped at that and shot herself up from her position on the only top bed in the room. "That's right! You don't have any weapons since Initiation, or even armor!"

Yet another thing Oz-Prick screwed me on…

"Yeah, I need to come up with something, but I am in no hurry as I can still easily kick the ass of anyone with just my fists." My fists were like pizza, and the weapon was pepper flakes; the latter makes the former better, but is in no way, shape, or form needed.

Damn it, now I was hungry.

"You can't just go around without a weapon!" Ruby flailed as I finally replaced the hinges and put the door back into place. "The weapon makes up, like, at _least_ , 70% of a Hunter! We need to get you a weapon, ASAP!" "Tots immediately." "'Tomorrow' immediately, even." I shot my team a withering scowl. "You're doing this to get out of training, aren't you?" "Whaaaaaaaaat? Nooooooo." "The very thought hadn't even crossed my mind!" Nora looked confused. "Wait, I thought that was exactly why we were doing this?"

" _Nora_!"

Note to self: Install mini-fridge to store booze in on my little plateau…

* * *

"Okay, why is team shit here?" "Team _Phiber_!" "Yeah, that's what I said. Anyway, why is team take-a-dump here?"

That busty blonde one was _really_ easy to irritate.

"We actually enlisted the aid of the other team so that we could find you a proper weapon for someone of your build. Because, between the three of us, we only really have experience with Rapiers, Scythes, and Hammers-" "Nora _smash_?!" "Not now Nora!" She pouted. "But the other team not only has the brawler, who your style seems to fit more towards than anyone else's, but also a Katana, Sickles, and a Spear/Sword. Not to mention whatever other weapons they have all seen and fought against in their lifetimes: especially Pyrrha, who has fought in the Mistral Tournament 4 times and _won_ each one."

It irritated me that they thought I didn't know what I was good with.

"While it warms my jolly little _heart_ that you put this much effort into finding me a weapon, it was ultimately for naught." I glanced around the bland, grey, Beacon training room we were in, or more specifically, the massive wall of weapons that took up the entirety of the surface. "I didn't need to know what weapons I should use, just ones I was interested in." Everyone rose a collective eyebrow. "Jaune, let's be real here, there are a handful of weapons you could actually use, and even less that you could wield to their full potential. In the spectrum of things, you should probably just stick to what Pyrrha has, and use a sword and shield combo." It was my turn to raise an eyebrow.

Did they just _assume_ my weapon?

"Hold onto your twisted knickers, Ice princess. I don't _do_ conventional. A sword and shield is so last year." I glanced at the resident spartan. "No offense." "None taken, really." Weiss just huffed at my stubbornness. "Jaune, stick with the program here. Use what is practical, not what is flashy." Says the party consisting of shotgun fists, element shooting toothpick, collapsible sniper rifle farm tool, grenade launching hammer, hand-gun ninja weapon, whatever the fuck _Blake_ was packing, and weapon-confused spear/sword(A speard!). "Okay, I don't feel like wasting anymore time here, so let's just do this; you all pick three weapons of any caliber, and I will use it to then roffle stomp another three of you with. You win, I go with whatever stupid thing that comes out of your mouths. _I_ win, then not only are you three booking it to make up for lost training time, but _you_ four." I pointed at the other surprised team. "Will be joining them in hell. Got it?"

None of them liked the sound of that(Especially the other team who had no idea whatsoever about what I meant when I said hell.), but they figured that with them choosing my weapons AND who got to fight, it was a sure thing.

Weiss(The unspoken spokesperson here.) spoke up then. "Deal."

The poor bastards(Or bitches, in this case- I still wasn't 100% about pinkys true gender.).

"Okay, so who am I fighting, and with what?" They all shared a glance and looked back. "You will be fighting Nora-" "With THIS!" Hearing grunting from behind me, I looked back and saw Yang struggling to carry a massive grey, double sided axe almost two feet taller than her, and easily twice her width, with a deep red handle. "A combat axe? When the hell was one of those last used, the Viking era?" "Probably." Shaking my head at the collective answer, I went to take the colossal weapon as Nora skipped out onto the field to do battle with me. "Good luck in the fight, lady-killer." Yang's slightly sweating face grinned at me as she handed off the wood-cutting tool to me. "Thanks." I took it from her and effortlessly threw it over my shoulder, to everyone's shock. "But there ain't gonna be anything but skill in this brawl."

The once confident looking group suddenly looked like they had second thoughts about this bet. "Rules are simple: First to be beaten into submission wins, or lose if they are knocked unconscious." Knowing these stubborn kids, it would have to be the latter. "I will let one of you start it." They all once again glanced at each other, before Blake stepped forward and threw her hand down. "Begin!" And not a moment too soon, as a battle crazy Valkyrie shot from her previous position and leapt towards me, bringing her hammer down to rain punishment down from above. "NORA-"

Right as it came swinging down on me, the hand not wielding the axe shot out and stopped the piece of metal in its place with a resounding 'BANG' across the entire room.

"... Smash?" Using the blunt side of the blades, I slammed my weapon into her, sending her flying into the wall. I almost felt bad for doing that to my partner.

Then I remembered the other day where she found my booze stash and used them to start molotov cocktails that were then thrown at random Ursa's and Beowolves in the Emerald Forest.

Yeah, she had it coming.

Throwing myself forward in a lumbering jog, i let the axe lower to the ground so as to make it drag along it, sending sparks everywhere as a dazed Nora got back up from her slumped state and saw me approaching. Wisely erring on the side of caution this time, she held her distance and shot three of her special 'Grenades' at me.

Which were rendered useless as I cut all three down the middle when they got near me, and pet the tampered explosions blow behind me as I neared her. "Ah crap baskets." Swinging my axe horizontally at her, she hurriedly jumped to avoid it, and landed on it with a grin, ready to bop my head in with her hammer. Sucks for her that I then clutched the handle tightly with both hands, and spun it.

She quickly lost ground as she was forced to do a lumberjack roll on top of my deadly blade. Finally stopping the twirling, i tried to bisect her betwixt her nethers, but she was able to leap away at the last second. But she leapt in the wrong neighborhood, as when she tried to do it over my head, my left hand caught one of her ankles, and I proceeded to play 'Whack-a-Nora' on my axe, sending her head and torso into my axes body, most likely giving her a concussion as I lifted her limp body and beheld the massive bruise that was once her face, grimacing when I saw her broken nose, too.

Yeesh, whatever this Aura was, it really sucked at its job.

"Okay, didn't think I was this strong, so one of you will have to take Nora to the infirmary to get checked up on." Wincing once more from looking at the poor state of my partner, I chose to tone it down a tad next round. "Nora!" Making his way over to us, the only other male in our ragtag group rushed his way to the school's nurse as the others looked on, slack jawed in awe at my skill and prowess.

Or at least I like to think that is what they were doing.

"He made mincemeat of Nora…" Wincing herself, Weiss tried to shake it off. "W-Well, from what quick work he made of the Grimm in the forest last week, I suppose it is to be expected." "Ah come on, Weiss. Wipe the _Grimmace_ off your face and lets get a move on." Getting groans from everyone, plus a wide grin and thumbs-up from our resident pun expert, Ruby went off to fetch the next weapon. "Looking back at it, picking a weapon that requires little skill and a lot of brawn wasn't the best of choices, but our next pick will remedy that." Walking up to me, Ruby handed me a pin-prick of a sword that looked like it had down syndrome. "A _Foil_ \- you're making me fight with a _Foil_?" "Against Yang, yes." "Foils are meant for contact sport only, though- they break easily and deal non-threatening wounds if you're _lucky_." "Oh? Is that a complaint about the rules _you_ set I hear?" I grumbled and just waited in a lazy stance as Yang made her way to the stage.

Ice princess was _so_ getting it at training.

Once again starting the fight, Blake lowered her hand. "Begin!" Yang seemed to grin even harder. "Oh, I am going to enjoy _this_." Slamming her fists together, she then sprinted towards me, confident I couldn't do anything about it.

I was going to _enjoy_ this.

Right as she came into range, my stance rearranged itself entirely, going from slack and lethargic to rigid and flighty instantaneously as I moved the point of my sword to match her outstretched fist, the sword resisting it and bending backwards as I followed the flow of it and allowed myself to be pushed back and once again out of reach of a surprised Yang.

"Engarde." I cockily smiled. "Ah, crap baskets." Despite what was probably every fiber of her being telling her not to, Yang rushed forward again and tried to wail on me again, but the results were the same. This went on for a few minutes, before Yang cornered me into a wall. "Gotcha!" Grinning again, the fiery girl went for a haymaker to slam me into the wall, but I darted to the side and stabbed at the back of her knee. The stab itself did little more than prick her skin, and the force behind it bent the blade forward more than it probably should have, but it did what I needed it to and caused the blonde girl to stumble and fall to the other knee as the other was thrown off balance. Capitalizing on this, I used the pommel of the blade to slam into the temple of the girl, sending her to the floor in a slump, but she quickly got back up anyway, and was grinning as her eyes lit up red and her hair glowed behind her as well.

I raised a brow at that. Some sort of last stand semblance, or did it activate with pain? Or maybe she just held back from activating it in the first place because while useful, it was exhausting? It required further study in the future, regardless. "Heh, heh. Now you've done it! Tell me how it tastes to be on the receiving end of double what you gave me!" Being little more than a blur, the girl threw herself forward and lodged a flaming fist through-

The air.

"Huh?" The still glowing young lady stumbled forward as she missed entirely(Not that she knew that, of course.) and tried to get back into her stance as she turned around. "How did you-" She couldn't continue as the vertigo from spinning around so fast caught up to her and sent her to her knees, her semblance flickering away as it happened. "How? Well, you missed entirely, my dear. In fact, I was surprised you were able to stand, let alone throw a punch! I hit your temple pretty hard; thought you would have stayed down, but apparently I was wrong. But by now the effects of it should be appearing. Breaking out in a cold sweat, body not reacting like you want it to, vision swimming." The busty babe loosely shook her head as her eyes closed, no doubt going to vomit had she left them open from the spinning. "Wha-What did you… to my head…?" "Hm. Well the temples on the skull are the bones weak points, and by slamming so hard into your head, it rattled your brain easily, and caused these effects you are feeling now. To be quite frank, I was afraid for your safety when you immediately got up, because the rush of senses and your use of Aura could have damaged something up there. But you will most likely be fine with some rest. Regardless though, after this next fight I will have to look at you properly to see for sure." She mumbled a bit incoherently before laying down fully and passing out.

Okay, this strength was really worrying now, as her Aura should have absorbed most of the blow and only disoriented her for a few seconds that would have allowed me to strike more precise and important areas on her body that would have disabled her enough to win me the match.

Not… _This_.

As much as I didn't want to do it, I would have to postpone their training a bit for me to find out what this was about.

Didn't want to go breaking my cute little schoolmates, after all!

"I-I-I-" Weiss was struck speechless as I moved the sleeping Yang to the sidelines where everyone else was staying. "Make sure she keeps breathing peacefully; if she stops or starts doing it erratically, call me." I told a worried Ruby as I got back up off the ground and made my way to the middle of the arena, sighing. "So, can we like, skip another hospital visit and call me the winner already?" "NO!"

Surprisingly, that hadn't been from _Weiss_ ' mouth.

"Oh! Uh, I didn't mean for it to come out like that, it's just-" Pyrrha cleared her throat. "I just wish to test my mettle against your own, is all I meant. I think it is obvious that we have severely underestimated you and your abilities when it comes to weaponry, but I still want the chance to fight someone so, so-" "Devilishly handsome?" "-Devilishly handsome, yes!" Wow. She was so pumped for this fight she didn't even notice the slip-up.

Well, far be it from me to extinguish such Flames of Youth that powerful!

I feel as if someone, somewhere, is trying their hardest to strangle me right now.

Weird.

"Alright, I suppose. Pick your poison." I gestured to the massive wall behind me. The young spartan hummed in thought as she reviewed the weapon wall, doing this for a hot minute before finally pointing. "That one." Glancing over, I found my eyes widening. A Zweihänder- and not just any old one either, but an exact replica of Pier Gerlofs Donia's Zweihänder! One of, if not THE largest blade of the Medieval Ages.

Another fun fact, it was the blade _I_ once held before the pirate stole it from me.

But you know, totally not salty about that or anything.

Nope.

"You want me to use _that_?" I just had to ask. "Why?" She shrugged with a small grin. "I don't know, really. It just seems to fit." Not one to look a gift-sword in the mouth, I quickly jumped up the wall and grabbed the weapon that was precariously hung at the top, almost as if to spite all the other weapons for being inferior(Or some shit- I wasn't poetic enough to look into it.), and grabbed it, before returning to the ground floor. "Oh yeah." I swung it around a few times to get a read on it. "Daddy _likes_." Seeing Pyrrha drop down into her own stance, I gripped the new sword with both hands and crouched low, keeping the blade behind me, with just the tip barely reaching the ground. "Alright, whoever is reffing." I eyed Blake. "And you know who you _are_ , start the fight already. I gots an itch only my long stick can fix." Looking at me oddly for a few seconds, Blake just sighed.

"Begin!"

Not wasting anytime, I blurred into motion, and Pyrrha was just barely able to lift her shield up to block a slash from me. However, the force of the blow sent her arm reeling, and I used that moment to spin kick her in the abdomen, knocking the wind out of her. I went for another slash, but she was more prepared this time, and lifted her sword to contend with my own, being able to hold it off long enough to use her other arm to try and bash my head in with a red and gold shield. Unluckily for her, however, this wasn't my first rodeo(My first was back in Texas, competing against that _blasted_ squirrel! Luckily, some strange sponge came and ruined her mojo and I won by default, but still, a fucking _squirrel_!), and I tilted my sword just so that her shield collided with the blunt of my blade, halting its progress. Not done, I shot a foot into her guard, kicking her shin and making her lose balance slightly, but just enough for me to push her back and get me out of reach, but stay close enough for my long ass compensating sword to still slash at her.

Not one to let opportunities like this just slip away, I hastily started stabbing in short bursts at the defending redhead. With the strength behind my thrusts, and the speed in which I was making them, she could do little more than parry and block to try and prevent herself from looking like swiss cheese. During this, however, I noticed her position one of her hands subtly behind her shield, and saw a strange dark grey start glowing from behind it, and not wanting to know what _that_ was, I threw away the sword I was crossing blades with, and slammed my sword into her other arm, disrupting her concentration and subsequently shocking the hell out of her, as her jaw and her guard dropped. Not knowing what that was about, and not really caring, I sped into her personal bubble, used my elbow to awkwardly place her sword arm between it and my body, and kneed her in the stomach, leaving her out of breath as she bent over from the force. Without skipping a beat, I twisted around, her arm still in my grasp forced behind her in an uncomfortable position, and I jumped with it and kicked her into the ground.

True to her position as Mistral Champion, she recovered quickly and tried to roll over and get up, but I just stabbed my sword into the ground a literal centimeter from her neck where she had rolled over, indicating that I had won with the gesture.

"Well, I suppose that is my game, then." I held out a hand for the panting girl to take, and she took it with a satisfied smile on her face. I easily lifted her up, and leaned in to make sure no one else would hear me. "Gotta love silver; so useful for so many things, like currency, the color to indicate a position held by second place runner-ups, or even just used to make antique weapons." I smiled coyly. "Like this one." Her eyes widened. "You figured it out?" "Pretty easy to- while the blade is 100% silver, the guard is made of iron, and I felt the slight pull there."

Eh, mostly true, at least.

The guard thing was totally legit- the 100% silver factoid was _probably_ less than truthful, however. If it was anything like the original, the outer covering was silver, and then the entire inside would be crafted from zinc- kind of like America's stupid pennies made from like 10% copper, and then the rest was zinc. Though they were worth one cent, and took around five or six to make one.

I would say they take the 'Gotta spend money to make money' phrase to heart a little bit too much, but let's be real, they are kind of just idiots.

"But it's whatever. I won't tell the others your semblance, and just let them figure it out themselves. Though-" I instantly thought back to my team. "-If you are trying to keep it hidden forever, I wouldn't doubt the difficulty." She smiled at me in relief and a tension seemed to seep out of her body. "Thank you." "So!" Ruby and the others(Sans a broken Yang still snoozing in the corner.) walked up to us after they were sure they wouldn't be caught in some kind of misfire. "You kicked butt with basically all of those weapons, so which one are you gonna use as a weapon?" "Which one of _those_? None of them."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah." I shrugged and threw the large blade behind me, conveniently where the weapon wall was at, and it soared through the air and lodged itself into the place where it was before I had grabbed it. "I just wanted to get an idea of what I wanted to use in the future- all of these fights were conjecture. While there are a lot of weapons here for me to peruse through, not every single weapon in existence is standing in front of me, and for me to choose my weapon based off of a limited stock of tools, would be against the mad-warrior in me." "Mad-warrior?" "Mixture of mad-scientist and a warrior." "Ah. Why do I get the feeling I only asked that question for the sale of someone else?" "Because you did, Ruby."

Cue me staring at the camera.

"Because you _did_." Shaking my head, I just sighed. "Well anyway, now that two of you are out of commission, while another one is tired and beaten as crap, and considering the fact I don't know where a fourth one even _is_ , I guess I will have to postpone your training… _For now_." All the people that knew me the best sighed in relief. "Well wait a moment." Pyrrha, catching her second wind, stood straight up and interrupted me. "I am fully able to train at full capacity, just like this." I could just tell Ruby and Weiss were slowly shaking their heads behind my back. "And even if two of our friends are unable to join us, that does not mean that the rest of us cannot train!" A grin started slowly making its way to my face as I bet Ruby's and Weiss' heads started shaking even faster. "And for the people that are not training right now, you can just up their training so that they may catch up to us at a later date!" My mouth reached shit-eating proportions of grinning as I could almost _feel_ Ruby dropping down to her knees and praying to whatever deity might listen. "So please, help us train anyway."

"Ah, but of course, my dear Pyrrha." Nobody asked me where the bullwhip came from, they just instinctively knew to gulp and shrink down to hopefully avoid my gaze. "Now then." I cracked the whip. "I do believe it's time for me to _whip_ you all into shape."

Despite their fear and reservations, they all still groaned at that.

Except for Yang- even unconscious, she was able to shift her hand into a gesture vaguely resembling a thumbs up.


	4. Domo Arigato, Mrs Arco

**NEW LAPTOP! MORE UPDATES! I PEED A LITTLE! GRAAAAAAAAAAH!**

 **Anyway, more updates for my various stories should be coming out soon(Maybe even this week if I can get my lazy ass into gear... Don't count on it.), and the next that should be updated is my Yu-Gi-Oh crossover, so look forward to that(You know, if you actually read it, at least- for all I know, you could be a fanfiction swinger, swinging from one fanfiction to the next and just completely skipping over my other stories... You damn ungrateful bastards.) and then the next should be either the main story or Naruto, have yet to decide, but look forward to it(Yeah, running out of shit to say so I am repeating crap now. Deal with it.).**

 **Praise your Senpai, Love your Senpai,** ** _Feed_** **your Senpai.**

 **Preferably oatmeal raisin cookies, if you would.**

"And I am telling _you_ , that hell is much worse than getting your asses kicked by me." I told Yang as she and I walked into Goodwitches class about a week after their torture(I would say training, but I don't like to lie to my adoring public… Unless I feel like it, anyway.) had began. "Like for instance, in hell, flying monkeys throw flaming piles of their own feces at you. _I_ for one, do not throw piles of shit at you!" She gave me a withering glare as she near passed out by the rest of our teams sitting together(And they all looked just about as bad as she did, too.) and groaned. "No, but with half the shit you _do_ throw at us, flaming poo sounds rather nice right about now…" "Well, I mean, if you really _want_ me to, I guess I could-"

" **NO**!" The assembled teams shouted out as one.

I pouted and crossed my arms. They just always had to ruin my fun.

"Ahem!" Turning around, I saw the rest of the students were looking at us funny as Goodwitch silently tapped her foot on the ground. "If you are _done_ with the interruptions in MY classroom?" I grinned. "Ah, but of course, Glynda! By all means, carry on with what you were doing." She grew a tick mark on her head, but expertly hid it.

But not _too_ expertly, as I was still able to notice it(Then again, I am an eon old monster that eats his own race for sustenance, so I guess she could get a tiny bit of leeway- but only a bit.).

"That is _Miss_ Goodwitch-" "I know. That's why I called you _Glynda_." I grinned saucily and wiggled my eyebrows, but she ignored that and continued on, making me sulk. "And you must be the _auspicious_ and allusive Mr. Arc that has been avoiding my class like the plague for the past week or so." "Ah, yes, _that_. I have a very good reason for that, Professor." I nodded my head and everyone leaned in to hear what it was

…

…

...

Goodwitch sighed. "And can you please _indulge_ us as to what that reason is?" "Oh, you wanted to _know_? Crap, I didn't think that far ahead-" The students except JWRN and PYBR(They were too tired to do much more than look even _more_ exhausted at my wacky antics.)face planted as Goodwitch-

Well, Goodwitch didn't look amused, let's leave it at that.

"CRDL, front and center." Eh? "What are you calling Cunt, Ragdoll, Douche, and Ladyboy up here for?" Said Cunt, Ragdoll, Douche, and Ladyboy didn't look amused(Though, the L of CRDL looked a little flustered for some rea- you know what, no, I don't want to know.) as they made their way towards the changing rooms. "Well, seeing as how you saw it fit to ditch on my class for the past week or so, _I_ saw it fit to give you a match for when you finally decided to show up, and Team CRDL were all too happy to volunteer to teach you a lesson- I mean give you a good fight." She coughed slightly into her hand. "Yes, a good fight is what I meant to say."

Subtlety was not her strong suite.

That amazing rack and the pair of globes to go with said rack really were, though.

"Alright, so, my team versus theirs? Seems legit." "Oh, did I say this was going to be a team fight?" She smiled a little too innocently. "My mistake, then." I grumbled at that and made my way to the changing rooms as the class shook their heads at the soon to be slaughter.

Of course it was going to be a one-sided slaughter fest, but best to leave exactly _who_ was going to the slaughter out of the conversation. That being said, I should pull Yang aside and have her start a gambling pool…

* * *

"Alright, Now that Mr. Arc has _finally_ arrived-" Not by choice, mind you, but when an irritated Goodwitch comes breaking down the door and finds you just playing 'Hunter League' on your scroll on top of a bench for the past twenty or so minutes you were supposed to be in the classroom fighting for your life, you tend to get your ass in gear. "-We can begin. Though, I would have prefered it had he actually _changed_ his outfit." She eyed my form critically, not apparently liking I was still wearing the school uniform much. "Oi! I did TOO change up my apparel!" I adjusted my extremely dark tinted sunglasses on my face. "I am wearing sunglasses, now." The students down in their seats sweatdropped. "Yes, you did- and in dressing so frivolously, you seemed to have forgotten any sort of protective equipment-" "Ah, but I DO have protective equipment." I nodded sharply. "I am wearing these sunglasses so that I don't blind myself with my own brand of outright shining awesomeness in the fight."

"I feel as if you would have been better off wearing a dunce hat, just so people would know it at first glance instead of figuring it out the hard way…"

"Harsh."

"And on top of that, you didn't even bring your weapon." She tried to scold me, but I just shot her a look with a wily grin. "Maybe, but who said I needed a weapon to kick their collective asses, anyway?" Cunt growled. "Are you really insane enough to think you can beat all of us without a _weapon_?!" "Yes, yes he is." "Hurtful, Weiss." "Still true." Couldn't fault her on that one. "You wouldn't stand a chance even if you HAD one!" "Right." I scoffed. "Like I need something like a sword to beat Crude, Rude, and Lewd." "Hey, you forgot about me!" I stared at the fourth member quizzically. "Who are you?" "Dove!" "Right, I will just call you dumb because you seem to like answering rhetorical questions so much." He, along with the rest of the motley crew, growled as they took a step towards me. "Ah, struck a nerve, did I?" I grinned and stuck the final nail in the coffin. "It's to be expected from the offspring of the sluts I banged last night though, I suppose. Oh well, can't help genetics I guess."

At that, the entire team turned red in rage and charged forward, ignoring Goodwitches calls that she hadn't started the match properly yet- not that either me or they cared much for that at the moment. "Now we are talking!" Taking a leap towards them, I appeared right before a shocked mohawk punk, and gave him just enough time to prepare a block for a kick that never came, as I raised it up high enough for me to step on his back and kick off, soaring through the air as… What's his face came in for a slash, but ended up overextending when his target disappeared, and accidentally slashed an unprepared teammate in the face with his sword. "Gah! Watch what you're doing, dude! That was my face!" Mohawk guy started throwing out curses as he held his nose. "S-Sorry! I overextended a lot more than I thought I would!" I stopped paying attention to the other two as Cunt came jumping at me, preparing to slam his mace into my extremely handsome face, but I rolled out of the way, making him slam the floor, and throwing him off balance for a second. I didn't get to pounce on that advantage, however, as the offspring of what could only be the protagonist from Dragon Age: Origins with hair like that came up and tried to behead me, but I ducked and weaved around him as he then lost his balance, and went stumbling forward, coincidentally smashing Cardin in the face with the flat of the blade in the process. "GRAH! What the hell are you doing, Sky?!" "I-I don't know! I didn't think I would lose my balance THAT much!"

"Man, aren't you sorry sacks of shits something to look at- you've yet to hit me, and I've yet to hit you, but you're still more damaged than I am, somehow!" I laughed as the entire group shouted a war cry and charged forward as one. I was about to dodge out of the way when they were all forced to a stop by a strange glow around them. "That. Is. Enough." Ooooooooh, boy. Goodwitch didn't look too happy(Though whether or not it was because they had all attacked without her approval or because I was, in essence, trouncing them had yet to be seen.) as she strutted onto the stage, that kinky-as-fuck whip held in her hands. "Attacking without warning I can tolerate when you were goaded by an opponent, and especially when it is against Mr. Arc." "Um, okay, _ouch_." "But I can and will _not_ tolerate ignorance of this level!" I narrowed my eyes. There was no way she could have- "If you will so _kindly_ look at the aura monitor." Of course she didn't care if she asked kindly or just kind of, forced your head in that direction herself(Which, of course, _she did_.), as the members of CRDL had their heads forcibly turned to the board by the teachers Semblance. "W-What the-" Apparently, everyone else hadn't looked over as well, too engrossed with the fight to notice that, steadily, even before the start of the match, the teams Aura gauges had been steadily depleting, to the point that they probably only had, at most, ten percent of their entire Auras left(Except for, of course, the idiots that got pot-shotted by their own teammates, as they had both lost their entire Aura at that point.), while mine hadn't dropped a cent.

Then again, hacking my school provided scroll to link to _another_ person's scroll, who actually had Aura, and project their Aura levels instead of my non-existent ones would do that for you.

"Oh wow, I guess they were _sabotaged_ , or something." I grinned cheekily as Goodwitch settled her glare on me now. "Yes. I wonder _who_ could have possibly did it." "I do too- you know what, I bet it was Ozpin. Didn't settle right with me, that guy." "You think the _headmaster_ tampered with their Aura's?" I shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past him to do something like that for cheap thrills." And neither could she if the look of dated resignation on her face was anything to go by. "Be that as it may, I sincerely doubt the headmaster is to blame for this. But instead the boy-" "Oi, I am as manly as they come! Just count my chest hairs, I already have FIVE!" "-Who deliberately waited in the changing rooms for twenty minutes to come to his match." The students started mumbling to each other as my trainees actually livened up a little to listen and watch the outcome of this properly. "What, you think I did something to them from an entire room over that caused them to lose most of their Auras _without_ causing a commotion? Don't be absurd, we didn't even go into the locker rooms at the same times!" "No, you didn't and I doubt you could cause this yourself, given your flamboyant nature." She fixed her glasses on her face and gave me a cold glare. "But a _weapon_ , on the other hand, could EASILY do this."

Hm. So she _did_ notice it. Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.

"Well, well, well. I must give you credit for that, Professor. I didn't expect you to notice, nor for me to have to reveal this NEARLY as early as you forced me to." I chuckled. "I underestimated you. I should _really_ stop doing that to people that I really wanna bang." I muttered that last part to myself and quickly snapped my right hand to the side, allowing a set of nigh invisible strings to hit the light just right that they could become barely visible.

And they were all tied around the limbs of Team CRDL and their weapons.

"What the-" The ginger of the group struggled in his magical, kinky binds as he saw that I had him literally wrapped around my finger. "Heh heh, dance wonder boy, DANCE!" I grinned as my ring finger twitched and the idiot then punched himself in the face with his free hand, despite still being caught in Goodwitches spell(She really IS a witch!), then another pinky twitch had his left leg reach backward and smack him in the ass, causing him to yelp. "This isn't even _dancing_!" "Still enjoyable to watch." "I think that is quite enough demonstration, Mr. Arc." "Wait, wait, I have one more thing." Moving my hand, the boy was forcibly made to reach into his pocket, then suddenly pulled out what appeared to be a small carrying purse.

"Is that… A make-up kit?" Weiss facepalmed. "Where did you even _get_ that from?"

* * *

" _Is this dark blue mascara? Ugh, this doesn't go with her outfit at ALL! Then you just have the boring ass clear nail polish with no sense of flare_ anywhere _, and you have a kit full of random things you can just find lying around the house… You'd think being rich would prevent that, but she also apparently hired people to do this kind of shit for her. Meh. Wait, and is this- oh my god, she has 'Mystral Champion: Pyrrha Scarlet' lip gloss! You know what, I am totally doing her a favor by stealing this crap."_

* * *

My eyes wandered a bit.

"The internet."

Quickly avoiding an actual answer, I had him drop the mace(Causing it to 'Coincidentally' fall on top of the no-name-guys foot that I totally no part in placing. Nnnnnnope.), and root around inside the kit, until he finally pulled out the lip gloss.

Which was then applied directly to the forehead, to cure the illness of not having 'Dunce' written on it.

Such a good friend I was, helping out my buddy with his illnesses!

"If you will _release_ them, Mr. Arc, we can carry on with our day properly." Goodwitches sardonic voice cut me off from my thoughts(The bird of choice for my breakfast plates annoying growls weren't helping either, though.) as she tapped her foot impatiently. "Alright, al- wait, so if I don't remove them, we can just all stand here and do nothing for the rest of the class?"

Score!

"Mr. Arc! If you will not remove them yourself, then I most certainly will!" "Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes as I clenched my fists, then casually relaxing them, untying the threads and sending them spinning back to my fingers.

The thought that _anyone_ in this world could break my wires was laughable, _at best_.

I didn't fucking spend all week browsing through 'Mont & Om'(This world's shittier version of _E'bay_ -) and roaming the surrounding forests and towns looking for the correct materials to make a make shift micro-filament wire type weapon for nothing. That thing wasn't snapping even if Hulk's magical, acidic jizz landed on it, let alone a Goodwitches wrath.

Was the prototype enough to last a Professors anger and undivided force?

Was the Hulks jizz magical, and/or had acidic properties?

Did the Hulk _have_ a penis with which to jizz with?

Questions for later.

… Well, the the professor one, anyway-

"And before you ask, _yes_ , I had set them up before they even left for the locker rooms, _yes_ , I am that proficient enough with this stuff to constrict a person's body to the point they don't notice but still subtly feel the effects, and lose Aura for it, and _yes_ , I do have a wicked BDSM foreplay act." I turned to the audience and saucily winked. "Ladies."

All of them looked either disgusted, angered, awkward, or plain creeped out, except for Blake- who blushed slightly and looked somewhat intrigued.

Meh. One out of everyone isn't too terrible(I didn't even get a beating this time, either!).

"I didn't need to know that last part." Goodwitch sighed tiredly and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I think you did; how _else_ are we going to get to know each other enough to start a relationship if you don't know the simple things like that? Come on, get with it girl!" Before she could even retort, the bell decided to ring, and the students(Being the great mood readers they _were_.) left as quickly as humanly possible so I could finally sweep the glorious blonde off her feet! "You know what? I don't have enough energy to deal with this at the moment. Detention, Saturday, so I can show you the error of your ways." She made her way to her desk and slid into the chair, laying her head down. "Or something, I don't know anymore." I hastily gave her a two fingered salute, complete with my tongue sticking out(Not that she could see it… Or _want_ to see it, I suppose.) and made to leave. "Aye aye, future female I will be sure to fertilize!"

The last bang of a head hitting a desk as I closed the door was music to my ears.

" _Wooooooooah_! That was so COOL! I didn't even know you could do those kinds of things with a wire!" I smirked at Ruby as Yang looked affronted as we all made our way to our next class. "But of course, Ruby. Maybe I will show _you_ a personal demonstration one of these days." "Over my dead body!" My smirk widened. "I can make that happen." "Yes, yes, innuendos aside-" "Is that a type of cookie?" "-When did you even get a weapon, anyway? Or better yet, _how_? You haven't a had a weapon in all the time we've been training with you, and we would have seen anything you tried to do because you spend all your time in the dorm room when not training us or yourself." "Come now, Weiss, I have to keep _some_ secrets to my name, otherwise, what will keep the ladies coming back for more?" Everyone gave me a deadpan stare. "Maybe the fact that they _live_ with and across from you?"

I lifted my finger to give a cheeky rebuttal, before slowly lowering it.

"I wanted to say something against that, but I just realized there was nothing for it."

"Yeah, yeah, enough about that boring talk-" Oh poor Ruby, too young to know the greatness of the poon!... I guess it also had to do with her being a girl, too, but mostly the first part. "-I want to know where you got that thing! And what it's made of! And how you were able to do those cool 'Stop hitting yourself' moments! And-" This girl takes weapon fetishist to a new level. "Easy there, Red." I cut her off of her rant as I patted her head, making her glare(Read: Pout.) up at me. "I can tell you all later, but for now, all you really need to know is that I was putting it together while you were all at class-" "So _that's_ where you were! I just thought you were playing a game of never ending Hide-And-Seek in our dorm room while classes were going on!" "You were cutting classes to make a piece of _rope_?!" "You made this YOURSELF! KYAAAAAA!"

Guess who asked what.

 _Guess_.

"In order: I was playing with the _teachers_ , it is not a piece of rope- more like a piece of string… An indestructible piece of string capable of cutting through diamond, but a piece of string none the less, and yes, I spent all week looking for the right materials to craft this thing, and it is finally done, and I now have an actual weapon to use in fights now."

None of the kids before me except Ruby looked too keen to be on the receiving end of said weapon during training.

"It can cut through diamond?! OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD! What's it called?" Called? "What's what called?" "Your weapon, what's its name?! I bet it has to be so kick-butt for something so cooling sounding-" "It doesn't have a name." "... Eh?" Everyone turned to stare at me. "You mean you didn't name it?" I shrugged. " _Why_?" I looked at them like they were talking about rocket science(And as if I wouldn't _understand_ said talk.). "Why would I? Like a said, it's just a piece of string. Not like it's my child or anything." And even then, I don't ever name them- wow, I am a massive dick as I've just realized. "Not your- _YOU BLASPHEMER_!" Hey, wait, that's my line! "You _created_ that wonderful thing! You gave it LIFE!" "It's not alive, Ruby." She, of course, ignored me. "For all intents and purposes, you are that weapons FATHER! And it, your SON- or daughter, I don't discriminate." I think we all sweatdropped at that. "So you obviously have to name it! So-" She grabbed me by my hoodie and leaned me down to eye level(Well, eye to sunglass level, at least.). "GIVE IT A NAME!" That was when she started throttling me, and I found a reason to fear another person on my team.

Nora because she was too much like me for her own good, Weiss because she had no figure at all and I didn't know whether or not to approach her as a lady or a guy, and Ruby because she would get off on any other weapons I make in the future and make me, _shudder_ , name them.

When you live with a part of your own(Fractured-) soul for eons and centuries that came in the form of a weapon with a release name, you would be hesitant to name another weapon ever again too.

"Alright, alright, I'll name it, damn it, just leave my money maker out of this!" I yelled as soon as it looked like Ruby's wrath was about to reach my perfectly chiselled face. "You _better_." She let me go and I speedily jumped back, dusting my clothes off and also discreetly adjusting my pants. Wouldn't do to show Ruby _that_ weapon either.

Yet.

"I will, just stay the hell away from me, she-demon!" I knelt behind my partner at that and whimpered. "I'm scared, Nora." "It's okay, Jaune-Jaune. You are our fearless leader, therefore, you can't FEEL fear." "Huh, oh yeah. Forgot about that." I stood back up and loosened up my collar a bit as everyone else wanted to point out the many fallacies in that statement, but decided against it at the last second. "I'll think of a few names tonight and give my verdict tomorrow. Now, onto class, and then, _training_." Their looks of apprehension made my day, it truly did. "I hate you." "I love you too, Yang." Man, I was grinning a lot today, wasn't I? It was then I felt a tug on my sleeve. Looking over, I saw it was Ruby again. "Um, Jaune?" "Yeah, Red?" "Earlier, you said how sharp your weapon was-" "Well, how sharp the final product will be, at least. The one I have on me is the prototype, nowhere near the word sharp, and will be used for spars and training so I don't accidentally kill someone." Not that it would happen with my skills, anyway, but it gave the poor ladies(And lady boy, Ren- Or was it boy lady Rend? Hm.) a bit of peace knowing they weren't going to end up on a seafood platter any time soon. "Uh, yeah. I had a question about that, actually." "Well, alright then, shoot." "What on Remnant is a _diamond_?" I oh so wanted to facepalm.

Son of a cock-sucking, mother-fucking, shit-chucking, bitch-cucking, other rhyming words, _whore_.

This was gonna be a long day.

* * *

"Hm. Alright, the shop said it would have the polymorph mechanism I needed for this new set of designs, as well as where I could find the neat core to power the transformation." I scratched my head as I looked at my map in confusion while walking around Vale on the next Saturday after my oldest weapons reveal. As it stood, I had wanted to get some more work done on my actual weapon for the String(The most original name I gave to my wiry weapon- Ruby was not pleased.), and not go out looking for parts to make new weapons, buuuuuuuut, Goodwitch just didn't get enough of me in class, so she decided she just HAD to see me during the weekend, and came running to my dorm to probably confess her love, but I, being the oh so eligible bachelor I was, could not profess to her back, and to avoid breaking her heart at the confession, I then ran away to Vale to avoid having to hurt her so.

Some would say I am a hero, some would say that I was the kindest of souls that have ever existed.

The rest say I was a dumbass for running away screaming like a girl when I heard a peeved Goodwitch was coming for my ass because I was skipping detention.

Semantics.

"Where the hell _is_ this place damn it?!" I ruffled my hair in irritation as I started to lose it. I had been going around for almost an hour now in this dumb city(Because the tiny bit of knowledge that the _actual_ Jaune Arc had with him when we apparently merged wasn't a detailed fucking map of the place known as Vale.), and I STILL hadn't a clue where the _area_ the store was located in was at(Because the stupid site didn't dish out the damn location of the place and the person I had called and talked to was just as much an idiot as the site was.). Just about completely having it with this moronic quest, I moved towards a nearby bench to regroup(With myself.), restrategize(With myself.), and relieve some stress(With a lady frie- oh who am I kidding, it was going to be with myself.). "Well, might as well drown my sorrows by glaring at birds and hoping they die from just my stare." Not looking where I was going, what with my head down and all, I didn't notice as I bumped into something hard, metallic, and otherwise _unpleasant_ for my head.

"God damn, son of a Mystralian lady of the night, that smarts! What the hell kind of pole did I walk into?!" I fell back onto my ass unscrupulously as I held my aching head, pondering what _train_ I had gotten myself hit by this time. "Saaaaaaaaaalutations~" Looking up from trying to soothe my abused head, I saw a small teenage girl sitting on the bench I was making my way to, and was also apparently the _train_ I had bumped into making my way here. "Heard of hard headed, but this is ridiculous." Seeing as how muttering to myself wasn't helping any, I quickly jumped to my feet and cleared my throat. "Yes, yes, salutations, young lady, and I hope you have been finding the day most plea-" My words died in my throat as I finally noticed her appearance. She wore a whitish-gray old-fashioned blouse with short gray feminine overalls, as well as a black and green collar with a matching pair of stockings, but what caught my attention the most, was the stunning green, emerald eyes she claimed as her own, as well as the perky orange hair done up in curls, and the pink bow on top was just, just, something else!

But what truly grabbed me and forever took it's hold in my mind, was none of those things, but at the same time, was the most captivating feature about her. It was, it was, it was-

 _Freckles_.

She had _freckles_.

She.

Was.

 _Kawaii_.

Taking a minute to boot my mind back up, after about a two minute staring contest(Which she was strangely seeming to _win_ at-), I said the first thing that popped into my mind. "Marry me." She finally blinked at me. "Okay." HOLY SHIT, IT ACTUALLY WORKED! I hastily turned away from her and hid my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie, trying, but failing, to stop the flow of _manly_ tears(Because I don't shed water from my eyes unless they were SOLELY manly!) that trailed down face. "I did it, pa! You can finally rest in peace now, cause your boy is finally a MAN!" A MANLY MAN! "So, what do you wish to do now, future-fiance prospect?" Looking back over to the overly-cheery girl, I made another cursory review. Her personality was strange, but then again, so was mine(And just about everyone I have ever known…), but her speech pattern and naivety was a bit too odd. Then you have her almost completely stiff motions she made for when she got up off the bench, and tried to help me to my feet- that wasn't normal for an organic organism. Was she injured in the past and was forced to move like that to compensate?

And then there was the fact that I didn't _notice_ her.

I am Mu Setsumei Uxukie Jaune Arc, mother fucker! I eat people's sandwiches without them noticing when they are directly in _front_ of them(Also sadly giving me the petty title 'Sandwich Destroyer' back home in Hueco Mundo, but that is a story for another day.), for someone to escape my notice was unheard of, even in this pale sack of flesh that I was forced into like I was a night shift guy getting stuffed into a mechanical suit by a group of robot pizzeria mascot animals(Five Nights at Fuckboys or some shit like that, I think.)! I didn't hear any subtle shifting of clothing, nor the rustle of wind from fidgeting of a person like I would normally hear from her, almost like she was just sitting there completely still for who knows how long, and while my eyes didn't notify me of anything out of the ordinary, my nose couldn't smell anything either.

My nose _always_ smells something.

Hoomahns were disgusting, stinky wastes of spaces like that.

Having to _radiate_ a smell like they were fucking rabbits going at each other in heat constantly. Makes me shudder.

But from her, I smelled nothing. No hygiene products, no excess products to improve her smell, no weird odor that usually comes off a hoomahn when their skin rubs against their clothing too much, not even a natural scent that is SUPPOSED to come off of a member of her species as a part of survival(Or mating, either or, I forget with these primitive meat bags.), I couldn't get a good whiff of her.

… God, that came out wrong.

"Um, future-fiance prospect?" The nice girls nice voice broke me from my thoughts in time for me to notice she had taken to stand on her toes to get closer to my face and was nearly face to face with me at the moment. Not nonplussed at the intrusion of space, I answered back. "Yes?" "Are you alright? You looked faint for a while there, and you are also rather pale looking and malnourished, and your eyes under your glasses are bloodshot and surrounded with bags. Do you require medical treatment?" I didn't react to that other than a slight twitching of my left eye.

She perceived all that?

 _Observant, this one_ …

"No, no. I am perfectly fine." I laughed away her concerns, doing nothing to stop her worries. "I just need to get something in me, is all. How about I take you out, wifey?" I grinned and she finally relented at that, probably thinking it was for the best. "Well, if you need to put something inside you, then I will do my best to help shove it into you and make you feel better!" My grin only widened.

I already liked this kid.

* * *

"So, an Atlesian girl, eh?" I scratched at my chin as me and the still cheery girl walked through an alleyway as the sun was starting to set. "I know one of your types." "Oh? What type is it?" I actually thought about it. "Ice type, most certainly." I chuckled at my own joke as the girl beside me tilted her head. "What does an Ice type do?" "It becomes a nuisance."

Fucking Lapras's cheating my Dragonite out of it's well deserved wins…

"Huh." She seemed to actually wilt for the first time that day. "Then, I am a nuisance, or will become one in the future?" Man, now I feel like I kicked this girl's puppy… Or her self-esteem, either or, really, same response. "But not you, Penny! You're like a, a…" I struggled to fit a type to her name. "... A Normal type!" Bingo. "N-Normal type?" She looked absolutely stunned and even stopped walking at that. "B-But I'm not Normal- uh, not a Normal _type_!""Oh?" I raised a brow in interest. "Why not? Normal types, in my opinion, are the most reliable of all the types, because you know what to expect out of them, and because you know that, you can set them up in situations that are a boon to yourself, plus they are rather powerful with vast amounts of skills, something I am sure you can attest to, and-" I smirked and pinched her cheek a little. "-They are my favorite type, so you _have_ to be one. Get it?" She looked positively speechless, and looked like she wanted to argue against it, but in the end, she just lowered her head, before lifting it back up in the most _radiant_ smile that I think has ever been directed my way, so full of raw emotion that it was enough to make me feel a little nervous, even, and avoid her gaze a little. "Thank you, Future-Fiance prospect! No! Husband-Jaune! You have passed the point of prospect and have proven yourself worthy of being my soon-to-be husband!"

"Uh, thanks." I couldn't help sweat dropping at that. She did know I was just kidding with that little 'Marry me' thing earlier, right?

… _Right_?

"Well, well." Ah, so the poorly hidden figures finally decided to come out and play, eh? "Look what we have here, Gred!" "A happy _couple_ , apparently, Feorge." The voices chuckled at that. "A happy couple of _idiots_!" The chuckles then dissolved into twisted laughter. "Man, what a duo they are." The voices quieted down at that. "A duo of _morons_ , that is." The growling told me they didn't appreciate their jokes being spit back at them. "What's that, you little shit?!" "You deaf now too, ya dumb ass? Keep up here" " _You_ keep up, you punk!" "Wow, real original. You realize if I wanted my comeback I would have wiped it off your mums chin." "Don't talk about mum like that, you sleaze!" I couldn't help but feel the irony of them attempting to rob _me_ and yet I was the one getting called a sleaze.

I mean, I couldn't argue against it, but still.

"Husband-Jaune." I felt Penny tugging at my sleeve, so I turned to her. "Please get behind me so that I may protect you." Protect, _me_? Ha! "Penny, please. Don't insult me like that, I think I can handle two thugs myself." "Yes, but you are not _well_ -" It annoyed me how both she thought I couldn't handle myself and the fact that she was knew about _that_. "It's fine, I won't even have to use my weapon!" "You should listen to your little girlfriend and let yourself die quickly!" Seeing Penny gasp, I turned back to the opponent's direction, and finally saw one right in front of me, a rugged ginger(I seem to seeing a lot of these lately-) with an equally scraggly beard to match clothed in dull and tattered grey sweats and hoodie, trying to shank me with a small dagger, which I slapped away by palming his wrist, making his arm miss me and swing wide, while my other hand punched him in the chest, causing him to yelp and slam into a wall, winded, but far from out. Still…

 _A few weeks ago, that punch would have made him a smear on the wall, Aura or not._

"Gred!" Shaken out of my revery by the other one shouting, I briskly ducked under a swing from a rusty old western looking double edged sword, the wielder strangely the exact same person as the last- wait, no, most likely a twin- and made to punch this one into the wall along with his comrade too, but as I set into motion, my vision rapidly left me as I could only see black and felt disorientated as hell. _What the_ \- Though my sight just as rapidly came back to me, just in time for me to curse and dodge out of the way as the other one came in fast from the side, dagger darting every which way to try and cut me into pieces.

What was that just now? I couldn't see anything and my movements were as sloppy as a Joe! Did one of them have some kind of Semblance that could do that?

 _No_ …

Gritting my teeth as the cold hard truth actually formed in my mind, I kicked the dagger wielding ones feet out from under him, just about losing my balance as well when a wave of nausea hit me too, and tried to follow it up with a heel stomp, but a sword nearly taking my head off stopped me before I could. "Damn it, just stay down you little shit!" "Not what-" A grunt as a dagger actually managed to slice into my side rather deeply, but I swiftly knocked it out of his hand and smashed a fist into his face, causing him to scream and hold his nose, but also leaving me open to a slash at my back before I growled myself and spun around, tackling the surprised man as I started pummeling at his chest and face. "Your mom said last night!" "Stop insulting our mum!" I flipped off the sword twin to avoid a dagger to the throat and failed to land on my feet behind them, only managing to catch myself on my knees to avoid landing on my ass as more nausea kicked in and my vision swam. "Husband-Jaune!" Blinking, I slowly made my way to my feet. "It's fine! I'm fine! Stay fine!" Okay, starting to feel a little loopie, now.

"Slash to the face!" Widening my eyes, I staggered backwards as a sword zoomed past my face. "Who the fuck calls out the name of their atta-" I was thoroughly silenced in my ironic, sardonic, rhetoric question as a knife slid it's way through my back, and nearly punctured a kidney in the process. "Stab to the back!" I didn't like the smug tone of the twin behind me, so I stepped forward a bit before viciously slamming an elbow into his face, causing him to let the knife go and go on a rant while holding his nose about how 'It was always the nose!'. Though, in my daze(Blood loss was probably stacking onto it, too-) and my blurred vision, I failed to notice the pommel of a sword being thrust into my face, sending me rolling across the ground as the knife in my back was torn none too gently in my venture, and smack dab into a wall where I then proceeded to start coughing up a lung(And a pint or two of blood.). "Heh, heh. Not so tough now, are ya, tough guy?" Blearily, I looked up, but it did no good as I couldn't see more than three feet in front of me, and the sides of my line of sight were already spots of black, so I couldn't see anything that was happening anymore. "If I… Wasn't a tough guy… Why Call me one anyway… You… _Dick_." That last word was followed by more coughing as one of the assholes suddenly appeared in a blurry spot and kicked me in the stomach. "Shut up! Now hand over whatever you have on you, and maybe, _maybe_ , we'll kill you swiftly!" "So… Original… Must have been… Nominated for… Best Villainous Request…" "Don't even try to reason with him, Feorge. Just finish him and take whatever he has on him forcefully." Gred(Or whatever his name was, I was bleeding out, here, names weren't top priority at the moment.) clicked his tongue in disappointment before reluctantly agreeing. "Well, sorry about this, buddy- oh, wait, I'm not!" He laughed a bit before I saw his blurry form lift an arm and send it down in what could only be my-

A blur(Joy, _more_ of them- seriously, I was gonna throw up if this kept up… Scratch that, already did.) jumped in front of me right as the knife was only a foot away from making contact with… Something on me(Again, can't see here.), the arm being held by the newcomers own hand. "P-Penny…?" "Oi, pretty lady, let go of me hand!" "Okay." I bet I would have had a hard time seeing what just happened in front of me, even if I had all my vision and wasn't on death's doorstep(Er, again.), but all I knew now was that apparently she had thrown him away and stood up in front of me.

"My name is Penny Polendina!" After that, she left my range of vision and I started hearing shouts and metal against metal, before I slowly drifted out of consciousness.

"And I am combat ready!"

* * *

".. Up… Wa… Wak… Up…"

"Please wake up, Husband-Jaune!" Following the wish with a gasp, I started coughing again, letting my life's essence leave my body in a cloud of red as I continued to either cough or gasp for breath for the next fifteen or so seconds.

Cause, you know, kind of hard to tell time when you're _dying_.

"Oh shit… Feel like I just got shanked... In the back because someone wanted my cream corn…" I shook my head. "But they can't have any, damn it! It's my cream corn and I am gonna eat the hell out of-" Oh joy, MORE coughing fits! "Husband-Jaune, you are secreting a lot of your body's fluids- _rapidly_!" "Yeah, that will happen when you are dying, Penny…" " _Dying_?! But you aren't dying, Husband-Jaune! You are fine! You said so yourself earlier!" My sight was failing me at the moment, so I was not able to see if the hiccup she let out was from her crying over my mangled corpse or from the nervousness of knowing she was _right next_ to a mangled corpse, but I did know the hiccup itself was just as cute as she was. "Don't lie to yourself… Penny… I was careless, and paid for it…" "No! Please do not go, Husband-Jaune! You still not have shown me what this 'French-Kiss' is that you wanted to do with me!"

Okay, I was a perv, big deal, I was dying anyway.

"And I'm afraid I never will be able to, Penny… Just know, that I was glad I had you at least by me when I passed on…" It was always nice having a cute girl next to you when you were dying- settled the nerves a wee bit.

Not that I would know, what with being murdered by a bunch of ugly mugs the first time it happened to me, of course, but… Still- _oh shit_ , it happened the second time… Too…

…

"Husband-Jaune…?"

I wonder what the life after this would be…? Eternal damnation like I always thought it would be? Would I finally be sent into the reincarnations of souls? Or would I just be inside a blanket of nothingness because of my soul merge with someone from another universe? Ah, the one answer I was never able to actually answer would finally be in my-

"Husband-Jaune!"

-Grasp?

I wasn't entirely sure exactly _what_ happened after that, as everything was just a massive sea of green and shouting of my name(Plus title.), but soon afterwards, I was gasping for air once more as I greedily sucked in the component to make my organs(Which now somehow _worked_ , even after I was supposed to have DIED.) get back in proper order, and slowly looked around at my surroundings. Wait- I could see again, too? Looking every which way, I soon found two unconscious figures(The twins, probably.) sprawled out near the entrance of the alley and a shocked looking Penny who was looking down at me. "You know, I always thought when they say 'Too stubborn to die' about a protagonist that it was just a neat way of saying they were idiots- OOMPH!" Seeing that I was alive and(Relatively.) well was enough for Penny to jump down and smother me in a massive hug. "HUSBAND-JAUNE!" "PENNY!" "HUSBAND-JAUNE!" " _PENNY_!" "WHY ARE WE YELLING?!" "I HURT, _EVERYWHERE_!"

One could not say we weren't full of energy.

"Oh, so sorry!" Finally she released me and I groaned as my back popped with a sickening 'CRACK'. "Okay, _ow_. Still sore as shit from before, it seems." "You are still injured?" She looked positively adorable when she looked worried- wait, the fuck was that running across her hands? "Uh, Penny, what is that green stuff surrounding your hands?" "Green stuff- oh! That would be my Aura." Well it's a good thing she wasn't concerned about it, but I sure as hell was WHEN IT WAS STARTING TO CRAWL ACROSS MY SKIN THROUGH HER LIMBS! "Gah! Call it off, call it off, call it off!" "I cannot do that." "WHY NOT?!" "Because I can not _do_ that. It is acting on its own." Oh.

I knew that.

"What the…?" Looking back at the green surplus of misty Aura, I was astonished to notice that as it trailed further down my body, it was soothing the soreness and whatever pain was left from my previous fight, before finally dissipating at my feet, leaving me completely healthy again- even my skin had regained it's slight tan composure from when I first merged this body! "I'm entirely fixed, now! My wounds are closed, and my body doesn't feel like I had died _at all_. What on Remnant _was_ that though, your Semblance?" She looked as lost as I felt. "I… Am unsure. I did not believe myself capable of possessing a Semblance…" Though she meant to mutter that last part to herself, my enhanced hearing heard it anyway. "Why wouldn't you have a Semblance, you have Aura, don't you? I heard it comes inherently to people who have their Aura's unlocked." She had opened her mouth to probably explain or at least avoid the question, rather, but when she did, she suddenly seemed to lock into place and fall to the ground. "Wow, what the hell happened to you?" "I believe that I am… Sufficiently out of Aura from… Saving you, and now my…" She really didn't look like she wanted to say the next part. "... My _processor_ cannot run efficiently without a proficient amount of… Aura to power it, and without it, the rest… Of my body's systems will cease to function and I will shut down." She looked away from me at that. "Permanently."

Processor? Shut down? _Permanently_?

The fuck was she on about, anyway? What did she think she was, a _robot_?

…

…

…

Son of a bitch.

"Honestly should have seen this coming, but I'll smack past me for this in the future, but for now, where is your control panel?" "Inside my lower back, but why do you-" Whatever else she was going to say was muffled as I flipped her over quickly, incidentally landing her face in an old open package of chocolate pudding(At least, I _hope_ it was chocolate pudding…). "... Sorry." Rooting around her back, I finally found a latch which I pulled open, revealing exactly what I was looking for. "Ah, here we go." "W-Wait, what are you doing?! That is very sensitive to me!" Huh. I am only just realizing that touching a robots control panel is like touching a woman's breast in terms of privacy.

Heh, second base already- score.

"I am seeing what in the nine levels of hell is wrong with you, now shush." Viewing the panel itself, it looked like a few things were out of place or broken. "Hm. Central circuits blew a fuse, heating fan is gunked up, data storage chip is outdated- wait, what is this?" Reaching inside her body, I awkwardly angled my arm to reach her upper back, and pulled out a… Half eaten corndog? "Not gonna ask- more blown out circuits, wires either cut or hooked up wrong, now where is the, ah! Here we go, processor; my god, when was the last time you were given a tune up?! From the looks of it, your processor was maybe a week away from just finally blowing itself out anyway, especially when they stupidly decided to use your own Aura as a powering source- morons should know not to mix souls and technology. It is just a fact of life that the spiritual and scientific worlds just cannot combine." "W-What…? I was that close to breaking down, and no one…" Understandably, the robot girl with a soul and Aura was shocked to know that her 'Caretakers' weren't so much caring, as they were _taking_. "I am afraid so… And not only that, but even when you were first made, I am positive your layout wasn't much better than this." "B-B-But why- there is just no way my father would…!" I knew why, I just really, really, _really_ didn't want to open that can of worms right now; especially when the damn girl was already on the cusp of death and didn't need anymore reason to stop fighting and embrace kicking the bucket.

"Look, that doesn't matter right now-" "Yes, it _does_! I just can't wrap my head around it-" "Then _don't_ , and focus on the fact that you are dying right now, and need help!" "I don't care about that- I _can't_ care about that, not when something like _this_ popped up to me…" It hurt to see her like this; tired, defeated, _lonely_. I might have known her for less than a day, but this girl grew on me(Literally ripping me out of death's arms probably helped, too.), and I didn't want to see her die just yet. "Then, then…" Think, think, think. "Then care about me, instead!" I sounded so cliche, I wanted to blow my _own_ head off. "Wha… What?" Just the sound of her voice made me know that if she could do so, she would have moved her head to look at me just then. "Uh, yeah! If you can't care about yourself, theeeeeen, care about me in your stead! And right now, because I care about _your_ wellbeing, then you should too, because that's what I care about, and if you don't make it, then just think about how DEVASTATED I would be!" "Husband-Jaune…" "So just shut up, and let me think, damn it!"

…

I couldn't fix her- not with such damages, irreparable work, and a lack of tools. It would take an absolute miracle at this point for her to see the next day.

Luckily for me I forgot I was in a crappily written fanfiction story on some no-name site, so the answer to my calls came in the form of a shady looking shop that was _literally_ right behind me(Now that I looked properly, there was actually a dent in the metal door from where I had punched one of the dicks into earlier.).

"Neat."

A little over two minutes later, I was back at Penny's side with a bunch of material of questionable usability, though they would have to do for now. "You still with me, Penny?" "I am, Love Muffin!" Okay, _that_ got me to stop. "Love what now?" "Love Muffin! Do you not like it? In the span of two minutes, seventeen seconds, fifty-six milliseconds you were gone, I took the liberty of looking up via the internet what being a wife should entail, and one of the sites I darted across told me that I should use sweet, endearing names to call you with instead of your actual name, 'Nicknames' they were called! Do you not wish for me to use them?"

… _Via the internet_?

Outdated Victorious throwback jokes aside- "No, no. It's fine. I doubt you could find something I would hate anyway." I chuckled as I set to work removing old circuit boards and faulty wires. "You got it, Bae!" I broke out into a deadpan glare at nothing. "Okay. That one, you do _not_ use."

* * *

"Done, done, and done- everything is replaced and hooked in properly." "Then… Why do… I feel… _Faint_ …" I winced. That would be the still entirely overused processor that was the only thing I had no real replacement for, and without it, all of the rest of the android girl's systems, too.

And I had just installed a nice espresso maker into her, too…

Don't ask where it was set-up(Hint: I was going to love it every time I asked her for a cup, now.).

"That would be because your processor is being a big meanie and won't fix itself no matter how much I try, and I don't have a suitable replacement, so if I don't think of something quick-" Well, let's not go there, shall we(Not.)? But where on Earth-Remnant-Places was I going to find a processor, and one that would be of use to a damn android?! A buzz from my scroll interrupted my train of thought, however. "Damn it phone, shut up! I am _trying_ to think!"

…

…

…

Ellipsis, ellipsis, ellipsis… Wait- back up a bit, Biggy.

My scroll! A normal one probably wouldn't have a big enough processor, but I forgot I installed a newer, bigger one to mine so that it could handle my nefarious- or I mean benevolent purposes of projecting other people's Aura's instead of my own. And because of lazy writing and plot hax, I am sure it was state of the art somehow and the perfect replacement for Penny's old processor(Wow, I seem to be bashing the Author a lot here folks, aren't I… Hey wait, I AM the Author-). "Alright Penny, this might sting a _bit_ -" I carefully lined up my scroll to the processing unit, and studiously placed it inside the socket, swiftly doing the few machinations to delete the old processor and make the new one the dominantly used of the two. "Alright, click, click, and… Click!" After one last confirmation, I switched on the processor, activating my scroll and lighting up the inside of Penny like a Christmas tree as the proper power was able to go to the proper places this time, and with the most efficient usage of energy carrying itself throughout her whole body. And just as soon as that was done, Penny snapped to attention and leapt into the air, flipping a bit before coming to stand directly in front of me, saluting happily. "Penny Polendina; working at over 210% normal efficiency output, combat ready, and ready for loving!" Well, at least that-

Worked?

"Penny, why did you say that last part?" "Hm? Oh, I was looking through your scroll-" Fantastic. "-And I came across a video in one of your private folders-" Foreboding. "-And I went through it, and it had the most interesting phrases and actions! Tell me, what is a 'Pelvic thrust'?" Aaaaaaaand _dangerous_.

"A-hem, onto other matters totally unrelated to my private downloaded files and search history-" "What is 'Tribadism'-" "UNRELATED! Anyway, you said you were from Atlas, right?" "That is correct." She still seemed distracted going through my private scroll things, which irked me a bit, but I moved on. "Then the ones who made you were the Atlas Militia. Must be trying to make the perfect weapon, and what better weapon than one with the capability of hoomahn adaptation and wields hoomahnities greatest weapon, Aura?" "W-Weapon?" That seemed to get her attention. "B-But I'm not…" "No." I stopped her there by placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're not, but they were trying to _make_ one, and-" Well, this was going to suck. "-And you were just the prototype to them. A precursor of what was to come; that is why they didn't use the no doubt state of the art materials at their disposal to make you better, or even just work _properly_. They wanted to see if they could do something like make an artificial being with the ability to have Aura before they actually set to work on making the perfect robot- a perfect _weapon_." It almost broke my heart to see the devastated look on her face, but it needed to be said eventually, and now was probably as best a time as any to do so. "So-So I was just, a _tool_ to be used, and tested for something that was going to come later, that was supposed to be _better_ than me…?" "To them, yes. But!" I interrupted her before she could start anything. "That was just to those stuck up bastards; to everyone else, to _me_ , you're Penny, the spunky, fun spreading girl who deserves _better_ than that. So, with that in mind, I am going to give you two options; the first, is to go back to Atlas, where you can prove all those assholes wrong about you, and show you are above them ALL, or-" "The second one." I blinked. "But, I didn't even-" "Another thing I read about a husband and wife on the internet, is that they tend to know what the other is thinking at times." She gave me a soft smile that easily had me gulping and on edge. "And I _know_ what you are thinking, now."

"... Well, if you're sure." I glanced over at the broken and mangled parts I had taken or ripped out of her before, lying on the ground behind us, and then the(Most likely-) black market alley store I had just bought all of her replacements. "Then I am going to need you to do something for me."

* * *

Morning had hit the next day, and my plan was ready to be set in motion.

"Atlas will come looking for you without a doubt, Penny." "Yes. Because I am their precious little _prototype_." Jeez, I didn't even know Penny was capable of showing emotion on the spectrum that wasn't curious, happy, or(The newest and my most _hated_ one she has shown-) loving(Either emotionally OR physically- shudder.). "Penny, calm down. You know with my plan, they won't be getting their grubby little corn-dog eating hands on you anymore." At that, she actually did calm down and smiled serenely at me from her position in the bushes next to me, making me unbearably uncomfortable. "Of course, Pumpkin. I don't doubt you for a second." "Heh, heh, yeah- oh look, the representative!"

In a park surrounded by the buildings and bustle of Vale, a dark skinned Atlas worker(Evident by her uniform-) walked slowly by, eyes darting back and forth every now and then, before finally landing on one spot and widening. "There you are, Penny!" The girl ran over to a virtual clone of the same Penny beside me, except that one looked lackluster in everything compared to the real one, what with the clothing being duller than even what it usually was, her hair without the bow and being ragged and unmanageable for the most part, and her insides being a bigger wreck than what Penny's originally was- holding all the broken parts and pieces that I had taken from the real android so as to create an illusion of a proper robot girl, but with major differences in that the clone had no Aura what to speak of, no personality, and the processor was just some flimsy, poor excuse of one that I had downloaded through the internet for the thing to have to function basically and not just be an oversized doll. Though, it was still extremely basic in every aspect, like I said- "Your _father_ has been worried sick, Penny! What have you got to say for yourself?" "My name, is Penny!"

Case and point.

"Uuuuuh, right. Anyway, we need to get you back to Atlas." Taking out her scroll, she shifted through some apps before settling on one and pointing it at Penny(Who now could _not_ stop repeating her name, for some reason- stupid one dollar processor, should have sprung for the five buck one…) as if to confirm something. Of course I already knew what it was she was looking for, and because of my scrolls function, I was able to modify it so that it would work vice-versa on _other_ scrolls(And processors, now-) as well. So when she looked for an Aura with the Aura gauge, she saw the Aura I was having Penny project into the tiny, easily breakable processor, so it would seem like it would have Aura, when it really didn't.

And of course it wouldn't last forever, as when they made it back to Atlas and gave the doll a much needed check-up, they would find everything wrong under the sun with it, but by that point it would be too late and the real Penny would be gone, and to(Hopefully-) never see an Atlas Military official ever again.

Seeing something she saw as good, the dark skinned girl nodded to herself and went over to the Penny look-a-like and started pulling her along with her to… Wherever the hell that was. "Come on, Penny, you have a _Doctor's appointment_ that you just can not miss!" I couldn't help but sweatdrop. These Atlas people weren't much for subtlety, were they? Actually stopping to think about the only real Atlas person I know, I nodded. Yeah, definitely not subtle. Once the duo of fake Penny and fake-ass-best-friend were out of sight, I sighed and stepped out of the bushes. "Well, that's _one_ problem down." Looking down to my right arm where Penny was now snuggling it affectionately, I sighed again. "And now there's _this_ one to deal with…" Shaking my head, I made my way over Juniors club so I could get some fake transcripts ready( _Again_.) for the next part of my plan, Penny along for the ride too it seemed. "Okay, Penny. You know about the next part of this?" "Yep! I am to hand in my transcripts, and play the role of a transfer student whose application made it rather late to Beacon, and act like I still want to join the new year term, even though it's started already!" Nodding, I accepted that. But then, I had to move on to the harder part. "You, _do_ know your real name is compromised now, so you'll have to use a new name, right?" The chipper girl next to me just flashed me a dazzling smile with something hidden behind its depths and nodded. "Oh, I know already. And I have _just_ the name for this situation, too."

For some reason, that smile felt like it was going to be the death of me in the future…

* * *

"Why do you think the headmaster called everyone here for an assembly in the middle of the week, Jaune?" I shrugged helplessly next to Ruby as I took another sip from one of the very few flasks I had left on me after Ruby and Weiss had gone on a scavenger hunt to burn them all in our dorm(You let Nora get drunk _once_ and suddenly you're public enemy number one…) and then rubbed one of my now non-bloodshot eyes. "Beats me. For all we know, the man could get his jollies off of just annoying the crap out of students and teachers alike." Because god only knew that I would be pissed too if my classes got interrupted for a stupid _assembly_ (Good thing I don't teach though, so I don't have to put up with it!). "What is a 'Jollie'?" "It's those things Santa uses to check to see if you're naughty or nice." Ruby gasped. "And Professor Ozpin wants to get rid of his so that Santa won't know he was naughty this year?!" "Exactly."

Exactly not it.

Hey, that talk is meant for her sister, and until she got the balls to finally do it, I was gonna dance around the subject with her constantly.

"Attention, students!" Everyone quieted down as Ozpin finally made his way to the center of the stage, starting to explain why everyone was here. "Now as you may be asking yourselves; 'Why are we here'?" Dear lord, even in my own thoughts he somehow annoyed the shit out of me. "Well, to answer that simple question, I will start with this: Earlier this week, we received an application from a transfer student who wished to join Beacon late." Uh-oh. This didn't bode too well for me. "And as the school year had already kicked off and was well under way, I regretfully had to inform the prospective student that we could not make any exceptions for them." More not good. "And it sincerely broke my heart when they pleaded for me to let them join, but I still had to reject them from learning at our esteemed establishment." Yeah, broke it by way of getting crushed between a lung and the rib cage he was laughing so hard and much, probably. "However-" Eh? "After reviewing their transcripts, I noticed they were quite impeccable, so not to let talent like that go to waste, I allowed them to be tested by our staff, and if they did good enough, we would take them next year, or even throw in a good word to the other academies should they wish to go there instead." Okay, this was just going on too long now, why couldn't he just cut to the chase? "Cutting to the chase-" MOTHER FUCKER! "-They did extraordinarily well. _Exceptionally_ well. So well, in fact, that we have yet to receive a student who has done better than that, even counting the later years." Jeez, I know I upgraded her systems and all, but I didn't think it would be to that point- at least yet. "And taking that into account, it was then that we decided that we just could not let this amount of talent go, so instead of making them a student, we have hired them as a faculty member!"

… Are you for real?

"So without further ado, I would like you all to meet the new Technology and Innovations teacher!" Ozpin stepped back and allowed(Surprise, surprise.) Penny to step up and wave to everyone. "Saaaaaaaalutations, everyone!" Well, this turned out _nothing_ like I thought it would. And it could only be bound to become worse. "Yes, please welcome the new teach, Jennifer, or Jenny, as she likes to be called! But I am sure you will all be knowing her soon as Professor Arc!" Aaaaaaaand of course I was right(Wait, did she just add my first initial to her name and call it a day?).

All at once, I could feel everyone slowly turn towards me, wide eyed, mouths agape, and wondering what the hell was going on. "J-Jaune, do you _know_ her?" Hm. Tell the truth and face the consequences now, or lie and face the consequences later? Easy choice. "Never seen her a day of my life." "And I am sure you are all wondering about it, and this lovely young lady is indeed related to our own Mr. Jaune Arc!"

One of these days Ozpin, one of these days.

Well, hopefully it couldn't get any worse, otherwise I might just have to buy a hat and eat it to shut my good-for-nothing mouth for a while.

"Hi, Big Daddy!"

You know, I heard there was a mighty fine place that sells ten gallon hats somewhere on campus, I'd have to stop and buy one soon.


	5. You're gonna go far(To kill Faunus), Kid

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAND I'm back! I wanted to post this a tiny bit earlier than I actually did, but I have had to do some things that set this back for a while. But, I finally did it, and the fifth chapter for the critically acclaimed... Whatever the name for this story is, is finally up! And long as shit- this is probably the longest chapter outside of my Christmas Omake I have made for any story of mine.**

 **And another factoid, I set up a account last week, so now it is up and running, and available to you all to become a Patron(Though, I doubt anyone from here will become a Patron of mine, as I feel like all my followers will be the perverts who want me to write more Porn stories... Which I don't really mind as much as I thought I would, actually.), so if you would like to support me, please go to and donate to Mu Setsumei Uxukie(I would set up a link for you fans out there, but it doesn't seem to work here at ... Sucks, but what can you do?)!  
**

 **And, like always, enjoy the Chapter and PRAISE SENPAI!**

 _I can't keep this up…_

I was a being made of entirely Reishi- this place had absolutely _no_ Reishi. That spelled disaster for me WITHOUT all the screams going on inside my head because I couldn't block them out with my Reiryoku because I couldn't _access_ it!

"You know, if I wasn't so used to you fuckers already from my years as a Gillian, I would probably be chopping off my own head and serving it on a platter with an apple in my mouth to all the rich snobs of this world saying 'Bon appetit'." I mused to myself as I traversed the Emerald Forest in the black of night.

At first I was content to just leave this issue alone when I figured out that the food tasted like ash in my mouth and that I gained absolutely zero nutrition from eating the stuff(I would probably get more of my daily doses of nutrients by drinking a mixture of my own jizz and piss, to be honest.), and that I was becoming sleep deprived because the voices just LOVED to scream at me more whenever I so much as _attempted_ to let my guard down. Yeah, and then I almost got killed by the two Harry Potter rejects a week back because I was malnourished and going on about 2 hours of sleep(For two months.), and realized 'I need to fix this _now_ ' before the damage Penny- er, _Jenny_ (You know, like the life of that one teenage robot.), reverted back to its original state all over again because I still couldn't _eat_ , or _sleep_ , or, now that I think about it, _drink_ either(Stupid Ozpin, saying I couldn't have my fixes- I have needs too, damn it!).

And how was I going to fix all these problems, you ask?

Well, obviously not listen to authority figures whenever I want to drink, but for the other ones, I had a, hopefully easy, fix.

I heard a low growl sound behind me and couldn't stop the shit eating grin from overtaking my face if I wanted to(Though, I certainly wasn't here to be eating shit, now was I?... Well, I hope not, actually-). "And like peasants to the shepherd, they cometh forth for divine retribution!" Yeah, I know I fucked up the saying, but seriously, when you become an unholy creation of the world that can't really die, you stop caring about the religious fervor and focus more on the pleasures of life- like booze.

I _really_ like booze.

Before the Ursa could even think about chowing down on me, my wires came to life and held it in place for me. "And now, for the _fun_ part." I quickly tied my wire to a tree so that I could have free reign of both my hands and still have the beast tied up, and made my way over to it. "Now, this should hurt-" I licked my lips as I gripped its neck in my hands. "For _you_ , at least- ah, who am I kidding? It'll hurt like shit for me too, probably." And with that, I bent down and bit into it's flesh(Do they even refer to this as flesh? I wasn't really sure on that, here.), causing it to roar in both shock and pain.

Hm. This tastes like shit, just like I thought it would. I continued to bite into its neck, before finally pulling back with a large portion of its now smoking neck still clenched in my mouth. "Ugh, dis tastes so… so…" I actively bit into it and swallowed a portion, before pausing. "... _Delicious_." Devouring the rest, I set my starving eyes on the rest of the beasts form. "I don't even think _Hollows_ tasted this good!" Swiftly returning my mouth to the beasts neck, I moaned in absolute bliss as I took more and more of it's flesh as my food. "Can't… Even… Think… SO… GOOD!" Glancing upwards to the silenced bear, I took especial notice of the mask on it's head, and, not being able to curb my desires after eating something so tantalizingly mouth watering, I reached out, and plucked the mask off its head, causing the beasts body to dissolve instantaneously in a puddle of black tar as I placed the mask on my own head.

…

My pupils slowly dilated.

" **GGGGGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!** "

* * *

"Come on, Weiss, you'll have to do better than _that_ if you want to hurt me." I taunted as the girl huffed, but still kept her composure as she deftly swung her Rapierat me once more, but I still dodged back as I clicked my tongue. "What have I told you about doing that? It not only leaves you open, but I can dodge in so many more ways than if you swing up from a downward position instead of to the side." "Well excuse _me_ if I can't just forget years of training in a few scant months!" She panted as she fell to the floor of the Beacon training room, finally out of breath. "I don't think I _can_ excuse you- I mean, if you didn't suck before my training I might have, but, well, you're the one on her knees, not me." I grinned as she glared at me, before she sighed and gave up. "Okay, okay, enough joking around then. There's a reason I wanted you here instead of all the others." At the quirk of her brow, I elaborated. "Your Semblance- out of all the others, I know of yours the least. I want you to tell me everything you can do with it."

She looked surprised to hear that, but told me anyway. "Well, unlike many other Hunters and Huntresses, my Semblance is hereditary, as is the rest of the Schnee families. We use what we call 'Glyphs' to support us in battles, either as distractions, or to enhance our own abilities, or just to give us a small edge in the battle. In addition to that, we can change what our Glyphs do, by adding dust into the mix, hence why Myrtenaster has chambers in which I keep dust." At that, I hummed in thought as I scratched my chin. "Sounds more like a support fighter, than anything else. Which is why I find it weird how you fight- it doesn't fit that description at all. Who trained you?" At that, she blushed and looked away from me. "M-My sister did. She th-thought the style best suited me and taught me that." "Your _sister_ taught you that? Jeez, me and her are gonna have words if we ever meet, because that style is _terrible_ for you with that kind of Semblance." She looked straight back to me at that, looking indignant as all get-out. "It's not her fault that I am a bad fighter! And you wouldn't be thinking like that of her if I could use our Semblance properly!"

At that, I raised my own brow and scrutinized her.

"But I thought you said when we first started training that you had your Glyph's down packed?" "I-I do… But, there's _another_ part of our Semblance that I didn't mention before, because I can't use it like my sister, can… It's why she taught me this style, because she eventually knew I would be able to use it and that it would be better to learn this now and not have to re-teach myself a new style over one that I might learn instead because it doesn't suit with just using Glyphs to fight." "Huh." I scratched my chin again. "So, you can't control it, or you just can't _use_ it?" "I, uh, can't utilize it, at this point in time…" "Okay, now that I can work with." She stood back up and looked confused. "Work with wha-" Her eyes widened as she sidestepped hastily, narrowly avoiding getting impaled by a _massive_ lance. "Wh-Wha-WHAT IS THAT?!" "Hm? This? Just the Lance that I will be using to kill you with." "K-KILL?! HAVE YOU GONE MAD?!" "Weiss, please. You can't go mad when you were _already_ mad."

I mean, come on, that's just common sense.

"THEN WHY-" "Let me tell you a little factoid, Weiss: The Soul never stops growing. No matter how old you get, the Soul will continue to grow, no matter how much you don't want it to, because it _has_ no limit to its potential. And, of course, as you grow, so too will your Soul. But, what most people DON'T know, is that certain things will make your Soul grow faster than normal- say, for instance, if you went through a very heart shattering event, once you recovered from it, your Soul will only be the better for it. Now, why does it grow more from such depressing circumstances? No one knows. It could be a defense mechanism for untimely events of the same nature happening to you again, or it could just be that the more you experience, the stronger it grows. Either way, there are a few things to speed the process along for the growth of your Soul- the one, true sure fire way that won't leave lasting effects on you psyche, however, is near-death experiences. So to help you out, I will be attempting to kill you until you can use this power of yours that your Semblance is capable of. Or, you know, until you actually _die_. Whichever comes first." She was still bug eyed as she sent me dumbfounded looks.

" _DEATH_ ISN'T GOING TO HAVE LASTING EFFECTS ON MY PSYCHE?!"

"Well…" I glanced away. "Not _too_ many."

"But, at any rate- try not to die, will ya? I don't have the cash for a gift basket to give your family after they get the news." Housting the five meter long, and four foot wide jousting lance over my shoulder, I swung the white and black colored weapon at her like a baseball bat. "FOUR!" "YOU'RE _INSANE_!" The girl screamed and jumped back, avoiding the weapon as she ran and exited the room through the door. "AND YOU'RE INSANELY HOT, AIN'T GONNA STOP ME, SWEET CHEEKS!" I went to follow her, only to frown as the doors didn't open, meaning she had locked me inside. "Oh, come on! That's just not fair." "You were trying to KILL me! I am more than justified in doing this!" "Oi, get it straight, cupcake." Suddenly, my thumb flicked a switch on the handle of the lance, causing it to screech before the weapon part of it started slowly rotating, gaining speed quickly before it was a complete blur of white and black, mixing to make grey. "I ain't _trying_." I shot forward, shoving the now drill into the metal door, slowly grinding it way until it was fully through, leaving a large hole big enough for me to exit from as I retracted the now dying out lance, before sticking my grinning head out of the hole and looking at a horrified Schnee heiress. "Heeeeeeeeeeere's _Jauney_!"

Man, do I love making people pissing themselves(Well, she didn't really do that yet, but she was close- I could tell! Now if only it was that easy to figure out when they _cum_ …).

"STAY AWAY!" "Can't do that, my little snowflake." I swiped my weapon at her again, but she ducked this time, and hastily started crawling away before finally finding her legs and running away into the halls. "Damn- hate to see her go, but I just can't find it in myself to hate seeing her run away." Quicker than even Ruby using her Semblance, I appeared in front of a now shocked heiress and slammed the blunt end of the handle of my lance into her stomach, sending her onto her ass, winded and dazed. "Sorry about this- oh wait, no I'm not." Flipping the weapon around in my hands again, I sent the sharpened tip right into her shoulder, actually skipping right through her Aura and stabbing itself right into her right shoulder, causing her to let out a scream that most likely everyone in the academy heard, and before she could let out another one when she was done with that one, I retracted the tip from inside of her shoulder and smacked her across the face, sending her sprawling and with a new black bruise across her right cheek as well.

"Man, this must look like some really messed up porn story right now." I mused to myself as the girl collected herself and ran as quickly as she could in her condition… Back to the training field? "Okay, might have hit her a _bit_ too hard if she actually thinks going back there is a good idea." Not really caring where she would go though, because I would find her still, I meandered over to the now reopened door and stepped inside, looking around to find the white clothed teenager. "I know she went this way, and the door was opened, so she had to have come in, so where is she?" I needn't have asked that question, because as soon as I was finished, a Rapier made its appearance right inside my chest cavity, right smack dab in my sternum. "Um, okay, _ouch_." I turned around, still gutted with the blade, as a pale Weiss slowly back up, now seeing the grievous error she had made. "Yeah, that wasn't really the brightest of moves there, princess." I grunted as I reached back and grabbed the weapon by it's handle with my unused hand, slowly spinning it around when it was finally out of my body. "But, you certainly gained my respect for sticking to your guns and saying 'Fuck you' to the rules that would usually tell you to run the hell away. You have guts, and resolve- easily more than the rest of your friends who really have nothing to lose by coming to Beacon, unlike you." Moving faster than she could follow, I pushed her down into the ground and shoved her own blade right into her stomach, causing her scream again, though it was extremely hoarse from blood loss and previous screams she had been making throughout the entire hour here.

"But, sadly, still not enough respect for me to not kill you." "No… Please…" While the Jaune part of me was screaming to put a stop to this and try to atone for these grievous actions, the actual me part of this body and soul knew it needed to be done. "Sorry, kid. But you knew the risks of this when we started- well, I kind of just told you and started it without your permission, but, semantics, am I right?" Lifting up my lance once more, I prepared to stab her straight through the heart. "Wait… I… Have a… Request." Pausing, I let her continue. "I… I have never… With a… Boy, before…" Wait, is she trying to say what I think she was saying? "You wanna _fuck_? Are you kidding me right now?" "Not… That! A… _Kiss_." Oooooooh, okay, now _that_ I could do.

Well, I could do the fucking too, but it would be MUCH too close to fucking a corpse for my liking(Wait, I'm already dead, what do I care about it being a corpse?).

"Well, that is fine, I suppose. So pucker up, sweet heart, because this is gonna be the best and last kiss of your _existence_." Stabbing my lance into the ground, I knelt down on the floor and lowered my head until I was a hair's width away from her face. "Here goes nothing then, I guess." With that, I lifted her chin up and claimed her lips with my own. "Mmm, mmmm…" Weiss just finally seemed to give up and just relaxed into the kiss as if it were going to be the last thing she did(Well, so she _thinks_ at least.), as I slowly deepened the connection between us, and, ignoring the blood pooling at them, I licked her lips, causing her to gasp lowly, which was still far enough for me to reach in and start tongue raping her mouth, getting her to weakly moan in the process as I wrestled with her own tongue for dominance, easily winning as the virgin tongue couldn't hope to beat my own, much more experienced organ, which allowed me to play with her mouth as much as I wanted as one of her hands came up to grip at my hair. But, sadly, all good things must come to an end, and not even thirty seconds after it started, I broke the contact and stood back up, watching with pride as the girl was left panting, out of breath(Or that could have just been the sword in her gut, you never know.), with a glossy look in her eyes as she gazed back up at me in what could only be shock and excitement as I let out an inaudible chuckle.

Heh. Still got it.

Though my high was soon cut short as something slammed into my back with the force of a freight train, causing me to grunt and be sent flying forwards, past the downed girl, and into a wall, where I slowly slid down it, not at all pleased at being blind-sided. "Okay, who is the dead- bitch?" I turned around, only to blink as what could only be an albino Boarbatusk stood in front of the downed girl protectively, stamping it's hooves in anger at the person who did this to the teen.

Now, being the amazingly perceptive and intelligent man I was, I wasn't stupid enough to think this coincidence, so it could have only been this hidden power Weiss' Semblance held that she held in such high regard, and I think I knew exactly what it was, too.

"Your Semblance dyes Grimm white?"

I am so smart, it surprises even me.

"No… You, idiot… I summon… Things that I have beaten in the past…" Ah.

That was my next guess.

"Well congratulations are in order, then! I won't have to kill you!" Walking back over to her(And punting the diminutive pig runt in the process for shits and giggles-), I took out the sword from her waist and lifted her back to her feet. "When did you manage to make it, though? I didn't feel any disturbances during our little make-out session that would describe the creation of such a thing." "It was, ugh, right when you stabbed me with my own weapon." "Ah, right, you are probably bleeding out. Totally forgot. Here-" Reaching into a jean pocket, I pulled out a small green pill and handed it to her. "Eat this, it'll jump start your Aura's healing properties and should have you fixed up within the hour." Doing as told, the girl forced herself to swallow the small thing, and then sighed in relief as her Aura flared a bit, before the bleeding from the holes littering her body started to drop less of the precious liquid, and the bruise from her cheek started to lighten in color. "It also acts as a pain reliever, and a mild narcotic. So, you know- try not to get addicted to it. Though, with my type of training, I am sure by the end of the year you are going to need to go to rehab. Meh." Shrugging my shoulders, I placed a hand on her own shoulder and gently motioned for her to leave. "But just in case, go to the nurses office and get checked up there. I would go with you, but I need to make sure the room is fixed and the camera's are dealt with so that no one will come after me with a warrant." Shooing the dazed girl out of the room, I looked at the door I drilled through and sighed. "That is gonna take some-"

Hang on a minute…

"Didn't she say she summoned it _before_ she asked me for a kiss?"

* * *

"Ugh. This place is way too cheerful this early in the day." "Jaune, it's one in the afternoon." "My point, Ruby, is that _any_ time is too early for it to be this cheerful." I don't know how, and I don't know why, but somehow, Weiss was able to convince me to have the team go to downtown Vale by the docks(Maybe it had to do with her blackmailing me with almost _killing_ her… Naaaaaah.) to gather intel on the opposition(She said it was just to hang out, but let's be real here, Weiss Schnee doesn't just 'Hang out'.) for this years Vytal Festival that we would be participating in.

And then when Ren learned Nora would be going, he insisted he come too(Okay, so it might have been Nora who told Ren she was going, and then she insisted he come too, but who knows? Totally not the guy who was right next to them during that entire conversation, I assure you.), and when Yang learned Ruby was going, she decided to come too(Something about 'Not losing to her baby sister' or something along those lines, I believe… Whatever _that_ meant.), and when Blake learned that Weiss was going to be spying on the competition, she came with as well(Totally not to spy on our team, though, for the same reasons, she assured me… Even though I said fuck all nothing about her coming in the first place-), and when Pyrrha learned that I would be getting dragged along for the ride, she thought it would be swell to just have her whole team tag along for the trip(You know, you would think the girl I kicked the ass of and then torture to the seven layers of hell would be more apprehensive to be in my presence, but for some reason, she seemed to love to use all the free time not spent on training, studying, or hanging with her own team to just be near me. You would think as a celebrity she would have better things to do with her time…), and that is how all eight of us were now walking towards the docks on this absolutely shitty day.

"Ah, don't be such a sourpuss, vomit boy! You have Ren plus five hot girls- and Weiss-" "Hey!" "-Accompanying you across the city on such a lovely day! Plus, Ruby got dolled up _just_ for you!" Yang smirked and teased her sister as said sister hissed and started slapping Yang everywhere while beat red, whisper-shouting 'Shut up!'. "Hold up, she did _what_?" Plucking up the red hooded girl by her outfit, I ignored her yelp and brought her closer to my face. "Are you wearing _make-up_?" Indeed she was, as I could tell, even with her cheeks being the same color as her cloak, that she had dabbed blush onto them, along with applying a thin coat of lipstick the same color as her burning cheeks to her lips, and even a bit of mascara as well on her eyelids! "Oh my god, that is just _adorable_!" I quickly brought her struggling form in for a hug, squeezing the hell out of her as I grinned wolfishly. "Little Red is trying to _impress_ me!" "N-No I'm not! A-And let me down!" "Ah, you weren't? Now that just sucks, because it was totally working, too. Oh well." I sighed dramatically and let down the girl and walked on ahead of her stunned form. "It- It was?!"

Before she could catch up and try to 'Woo' me(Dear god, even just the mental image of Ruby trying to win me over was too precious!), I stopped and looked down the street at a taped up store-front. "Hot damn, what happened there?" Waiting for the others to meet up with me, I made my way down the street and in front of the scene where two police officers(Why did we have police officers? Couldn't we just mass produce more Huntsmen to do this kind of menial shit?) were studying the place. "Oi, Tango and Cash- what happened here?" "Eh? A robbery. Strange thing is, though, they left all the cash and just took the Dust." "What the heck could they want with all that Dust?" "Beats me." Leaving the two cops to their own work(Or not so work, as they were talking about doughnuts, now-), I met back up with the others. "Dust robbery- _again_." "Really? Those have been happening more and more lately. Who wants all that Dust, anyway?" "The real question is what they are going to use with it, Yang. I mean, shit, you could blow up the entire city if you get a big enough stockpile of it…" We all glanced at each other. "I don't think they'd try it- I mean, they'd get caught up in the explosions too."

Well, not unless they were _suicidal_ , but, come on- that takes a certain amount of guts that the people of this planet just didn't exhibit.

"They are a lot more likely to use it to arm a battalion of soldiers." "Or _faunus_." I winced as Weiss finally made herself known. I had tried to curb stomp the worst of her radical racism over the past few months, but it was a task far harder than one would expect it to be. "And what does _that_ mean?" And of course our resident faunus(Not that anybody but me knew about that, though.) took offense to that, so before a fight I really didn't want happening(Not unless they were both in bikinis and inside a kiddie pool filled with chocolate syrup, at least.) could start up, I pointed at a random direction. "LOOK AT THAT!" Startled, everyone hurriedly turned to where I was pointing, and saw a boat. "Uh, Jaune, what is-" "GET THAT NO GOOD STOWAWAY!" Blinking as there actually _was_ something happening over there that was worth pointing out, I retracted my finger from it's pointed position and examined it in front of my face.

"I must only use this power for _good_."

Pointing it at bathhouses and hoping wet, naked women wrapped in towels come out counts as good, right?

Look at what I'm asking- of course it counts!

"Hey! A no good stowaway would have been caught! I'm a GREAT-" He didn't get much further than that, because as he passed by us, he attempted to wink at Blake, and for his stupidness, I reached out and grabbed him by the back of his open shirts collar(Seriously, what is with teenage boys and wanting to show off their 'Abs'- shit, I had better looking muscles back when I was twelve!), effectively cutting off his escape. "Oh look- a no good stowaway." "Wha- let me go!" And now he's struggling and trying to swipe my hand off.

 _Joy_.

"Hey, that's our perp, bud!" "It's okay officers, official Hunter business. You understand." Judging by their grumbling, they did. "I will be sure to take him in once I get all the information I want out of him, I assure you." At that, they nodded reluctantly and left to go… I don't know, buy doughnuts? That seems like a stereotypical cop thing to do. "Well, they just seemed to accept that a little too easily." "Cop 101, Blake- if work can be avoided, then avoided it shall be. But, besides that, what are we going to do about this?" I lifted up the shirt of the monkey faunus. "Uh… Jaune?" Looking to where Ruby was pointing, I stared blankly at the shirt- and _only_ the shirt. "Son of a female dog in heat! AFTER THE CHIMP!" "QUICK, TO THE NORA-MOBILE!" " _NO_!"

Surprisingly, I was not the only one to have shouted at that, and I glanced over to Ren just as he sent a look my way. "You too?" "Since the first day."

At that, a bond was made.

Not one made through spending time together, nor one that was made through facing hardships with the other.

No- this bond, was a bond that could only possibly be created, by knowing the worst of the creator that they called _Nora_.

"Uh, what I meant to say was, let's split up to go after him, you know, to cover more ground." Yeah.

Exactly what I meant.

"I'll take Ren-" "I'm coming too; I can't have you two becoming together-together in my absence!" "I hope you don't mind if I tag along either, do you?" "Uh, no… I guess that leaves the rest of you to go to the west while we hit the east." And left me to figure out what the fuck _together-together_ meant.

"Okay teams, lets find that damn, dirty ape!" While my own team left off with groans, the other team left with moans of torture while Yang, once again, sent me a thumbs up. "That one doesn't even make any _sense_! Apes don't HAVE tails!" "Just let sleeping dogs,lie, Weiss. It'll save us _all_ a lot of trouble." "Yeah, you wouldn't want to _bark_ up the wrong tree, would you?"

"YANG!"

* * *

"Any of you have any luck finding the lost criminal?" " _None_." Ruby flopped down on her bunk with a tired sigh, followed soon by Nora and Weiss as they groaned to make their exhaustion clear.

Not that I could blame them- we had been searching for well over six hours, after all(I had wanted to give up after five minutes, but soon after, Pyrrha wanted to still continue looking, Nora was enjoying spending time with Ren again, outside of training, Ren… Well, Ren was just content that I was around to curb the worst of Nora's actions, and Weiss then took it as a personal assault on her skills when she couldn't find the blasted kid, so she definitely wasn't giving up, and Ruby was too nice to say no to her partner, so then Yang had to stick around to make sure nothing too bad happened to Ruby while this went on, and Blake just seemed to have an honest want to see the faunus, again, so all-in-all, it was a massive clusterfuck of a day.).

Speaking of Blake, though…

"Any of you seen Blake, actually? Last time I have, it was when I tried getting us to reconverge and change up our teams." Yeah, and I say 'Try' because that didn't go well at all(Ren didn't want Nora to be by herself without either me or him with her, and even then, was reluctant to be by himself with her, and since our bonding moment, didn't want me alone with her to face her shenanigans, either, while Nora was enjoying our presences a little _too_ much(I know she doesn't have a perverse bone in her tiny body, but the way I've been seeing her eye me and Ren when we were talking a few times together caused me to shudder at what she was imagining the two of us _actually_ doing.), and then I just seemed to be attracted to Pyrrha, somehow(And not in the cute, romantic way, either- she was literally using her Semblance to pull me towards her whenever we weren't already attached by the hip(Which was scary when you stop to think about the fact I didn't have any metal on my person that she could use to gravitate me towards her.), and when I questioned her on it, she just acted clueless and redirected the topic to me and my preference when it came to _girlfriends_.), so it became nearly impossible to actually split the teams up, again.).

"Blake? Uuuuuuuh…" Seeing Ruby trail off made me raise an eyebrow. "Something happen?" "Er, well, you _could_ say that, I guess…" Looking over to Nora, who was oblivious to it all as she jammed out on her scroll with headphones over her ears, to an equally, if not more, nervous Weiss, and back to a fidgeting Ruby had me sighing in exasperation. "You found out she was a faunus, didn't you?" "Wha- WHAT? YOU KNEW?!" Ruby and Weiss got up in my face and questioned me on this. "Well, I mean, it's not exactly hard to figure out- her love of fish, the way she suspiciously has a bow on her head _exactly_ where faunus usually have their ears, her anxiety any time we talk about faunus or the White Fang, plus with my super-powered nose, you'd be hard pressed to hide something like that from me." At this though, I narrowed my eyes and studied the two girls in front of me. "Speaking of which, someone's been stealing my boxers, and I'm wondering who it is, because every time I find one of the articles of clothing, they smell _far_ too much like a girl to be coincidence. Plus they are always wet and sticky with what I can only assume is-" "ANYWAYS- yes, Blake confirmed that she is, indeed, a faunus to me, Ruby, and Yang. However, it was under… Less than pleasant circumstances, and she ran away into Vale once we confronted her here at Beacon." A suspiciously red in the face Weiss changed the topic(Though, Ruby was looking just as bad, and I could have sworn from a glance back that Nora was looking a little hot under the collar, as well-) back to what we were talking of before, and I reluctantly accepted the shift in conversation.

I WAS going to find out who stole my favorite 'Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow' boxers though, god damn it! Do you know how many fucking boxes of that terrible cereal I had to eat to win, those?!

Let's just say, that if my accelerated healing factor(Downgraded, as it was.) and immunity to illness and disease wasn't with me now, I would be injecting insulin into my thigh every hour on the hour!

"Right- so you said some bad things about the faunus, she took offense, you two got into an argument, she let something slip she didn't want getting out, and then when you most likely accused her of it, she ran away in a panic." At her not so subtle flinching, I was more or less spot on in my assumptions. "Fucking damn it, Weiss. I've told you not to become a racist, and here you are, being just as bad, if not WORSE, than those you hate." "I am NOTHING like the White Fang!" "No? You condemning faunus like they condemn hoomahns is exactly the same, only at least _they_ used to try to work with the hoomahns to finally have peace and equality in the lands." Of course, now they were radical terrorists bent on killing everyone without ears, tails, or paws, but she was too shaken to remember that part. "Well, well, it's not my fault they are horrid animals that have no brains, and only run on an instinct to kill everything everyone holds dear and loves!"

Aaaaaaaaand that struck a _nerve_.

Without a word, I shook my head and made my way to the door, pausing when I grabbed the doorknob when Weiss asked me where I was going. "You know, Weiss, back where I'm from…" At that, I am sure I had everyone's full attention, because even in the months that I had been here, the most information my and my sister team had found out about me was that I was an amazing cook, a slave driver, probably as powerful as a Professor here at the academy, and that whenever anyone tried to learn something new about me, I had this uncanny ability to shift the topic to things completely unrelated to me or my past(Like when Pyrrha constantly asked me small things like my favorite color, I would just comment on how lovely the color of her hair looked, or when Blake wondered what type of books I liked to read, I would just say I was all over the place, reading anything that caught my interest.). So when I _willingly_ started a conversation that would lead into them learning something unknown about me, everyone was staring at me with unrestrained curiosity.

"... I wasn't exactly considered _normal_ , compared to societal standings." Did a monster that eats his own race to survive while killing reapers of the afterlife that were just trying to purify him so that he can move on to a better life ever be considered normal? "In fact, even within my own 'family', I was an outcast, because they were scared of the things that I could do- what I _would_ do if they tried something against me. For, you see, where I am from, if you want to survive, you must, and I do mean you _must_ rely solely on your instincts, because if you tried to use brawn, or brain, or anything in between, you weren't going to last a single day. And relying on ones instincts, comes with a great downside; that of which you don't care what you do to keep on living… Even if it means sacrificing your own brethren to make it happen." At that, everyone gasped, and I even heard Weiss whisper something about 'Wilds', which I just continued to ignore to finish with my story. "And for that, we were considered animals, beasts, _monsters_ compared to the others in the world. They thought we were too primitive in our ways, that we shouldn't _exist_ on the sole fact that they thought we were EVIL, when they were the ones that hunted us- either to end what they considered our miserable lives, or to just kill us for the lone reason of thinking it some kind of sick _sport_ , but they all attempted to end us, one way or the other." At that, I sighed at the thought of where my race was now without one of their most powerful leaders, and the prominent expediter of technology, as well. "And because of that, most of our residents started hating them in kind, seeing them as inferior when they thought that killing us was the best option, and thus started a cycle of hatred spanning years upon years, with the outside world trying to end our existence, and us them." Wow, Hollows and faunus were so creepily alike, it kind of unsettled me. "So the next time you want to think about the faunus as some kind of _beasts_ because of their actions or for how they look compared to you, just remember…" I turned my head slightly, just enough for them to see that my left eye had changed from a cerulean to an sickly yellow color, causing them to all have a sudden intake of breath.

"There will _always_ be terrible things in the world that will make the worst of your nightmares seem like the best lucid dream you have ever had."

And with that, my eye had turned back as fast as it had changed color, and I was already out of the dorm, making my way to the Emerald Forest to get to Vale and have a quick bite to eat, pondering the ways to trap a little kitten inside an expansive area all the while.

* * *

The answer: Tuna.

… Look, I was trying to tone it down on the stereotypes and racism, but come on, you can't just make this shit up.

"... Have you heard of the White Fang?" "Well, of course! I don't think there is a faunus on the planet who hasn't. You know, those stupid, holier-than-thou creeps that use force to get whatever they want- bunch of freaks, if you ask me." "... I was a member of the White Fang, once." Swing and a miss. "Wait- _you_ were a member of the White Fang?" "You've got that right, my not-so-finely furred friend! My little kitty here left, however, when she realized that she couldn't take the raging keggers they kept having, along with her ex sort of being in a relationship with his work, already, so she went to Beacon for a fresh start." I clamped a hand down on the shoulder of a now stiff and shocked cat faunus as the monkey in front of me spat out his drink and started having a coughing fit. "Fancy meeting you at the _only_ cafe in town that actually serves tuna sandwiches!... And the only one that serves faunus in general, but that's besides the point." "Hey! You're the guy who tried to catch me at the docks!" "Correction: I _was_ the guy that caught you at the docks, and I have the receipt from the flea market after selling your shirt for ten Lien to prove it." "Wait, you _sold_ it?! That was my favorite shirt, man!" "I am starting to wonder if it was your _only_ shirt, as well…" "How do you know that I was apart of the White Fang- or more importantly, how did you know that I was a _faunus_?" "Wasn't that hard, really. You know I have superpowered senses, and I could smell the pussy on you from a mile away." I grinned coquettishly as I sat down at the table.

"I could also smell the cat part of you, but that's not what I really want to talk about, though." "And _how_ did you know about me being in the White Fang? I haven't even told Yang, that." "Oh, that? You mumble a lot in your sleep; most of it is gibberish, and all of it is almost inaudible, but, you know- super hearing." At that, the monkey scooted away from me while sending me creeped out looks, while Blake coughed with a blush on her face and looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Uh, can you explain how you know that, as well?" "That? Easy, I set up hidden cameras all around Beacon that I use to spy on everyone. Your dorm is just one of many places I've put one, and no one knows about it because you're the first I've told. And a side note, I didn't put one in your bathroom, that would be pushing the boundaries, even by my standards, but for some reason, like clockwork, about five minutes before seven everyday, the damn thing seems to hone in directly to the entryway of the restroom for near ten minutes, so try not to use it then, and if you do, close the door."

I couldn't figure what the fuck was wrong with it, either, because every time I looked at it, it was working the exact way I intended it to work, it just seemed to zoom in on the bathroom at random for some reason(Which was no true harm done, really, except that Pyrrha seemed to occupy the bathroom at that time, and she always left the door open when she was fixing her hair, brushing her teeth, or getting her clothes on, and she always did it while in her _skivvies_ \- and, mysteriously looked in the vague direction of the camera each time, but that just had to be coincidence. On the plus side though, when she first started doing it she had the most grandma looking underwear on the planet, but now she was wearing things that looked straight off of a Victoria's Secret catalogue, so she was at least growing some taste when it came to lingerie, and that should get her the boyfriend she definitely needs and deserves.) at a specific time of day, but its whatever.

"You… Have _cameras_ … In our dorm rooms?" "Yyyyyyyyyep. Never know when glorious blackmail material might present itself." Who knows when I might catch one of them picking their noses or scratching their asses? "But onto more pressing matters- you, will be coming with _me_ , and the blonde monkey over there will go mind his own fucking business, otherwise I really WILL send him to the authorities." "Hey, you can't just-" "Shut up and have a banana." Not wanting to look away from Blake, I pulled out a banana(From where? You wouldn't want to know- or maybe you would, you kinky freaks.) and quickly shoved it into the male chimps open mouth, peel and all. "Mm mmm mmm mmmm mm?!" "Oh shut up. You're probably used to deepthroating bananas anyway, if your attired is anything to go by." "Jaune… I just can't go back! The White Fang are out there, and they are up to something!" "Oh?" I raised a sarcastic eyebrow(Yes, I have become so cynical, I even have a sarcastic eyebrow.). "I didn't know that you were the leading authority over the White Fang- or even just for Vale in _general_." Not giving her time to respond, I scoffed. "Oh wait, you _aren't_ , and I will be taking full liberty as your Sensei to be reeling you back in before you do something _stupid_."

That was my job, anyways, damn it!

"Jaune, _please_! I have a lead into what they are doing, and I-" "Will be doing nothing but getting your cute behind back to Beacon where I will be sure to punish you to the full extent of the law- _MY_ law." I was going to enjoy the next training lesson with her, that was for certain. "Really? What makes you think you could actually capture either of us, let alone BEAT us to do some actual capturing?" The annoying chimp had managed to take the banana out of his mouth by now(Or deep throated it, because I don't know what the hell he did with it if he took it out.), and me and Blake glanced at him for a second before we locked eyes again. "Like I said- Beacon, torture, spanking your delicious booty." "Hey!" "Jaune…" "No giving me the kitten eyes, Blake. I might have trained you for a few months now, but you aren't nearly ready to handle everything the world can and _will_ throw at you, yet. And from the stories you've told me, do you honestly think you stand a chance against your old boss, because odds are, he or someone BETTER is going to be a part of whatever plot you want to interrupt, and I doubt he's one to set out a saucer of milk for lost and lonely kittens like I am." At that, she had nothing else to say and I am sure I had gotten my point across. "So now we-"

"Than come with me!"

Eh?

"Blake-" "You said I wasn't strong enough to do this, but you're able to beat the top two teams in the academy by yourself!" "Wait, he can _what_?" "So if you come with me, then we can not only figure out what they are up to, but we can stop them, as well!" "Yeah, funny thing about that is, I couldn't care less about what a group of glorified, misfit pets do with their meager existences." "Jaune… If you do this for me, then I'll, I'll-" "You'll _what_? Not give me shit about the things I do to train you? Never bring this moronic topic up again? Cover yourself in chocolate syrup whilst dousing your privates in whip cream and serve yourself up on a silver platter?... Actually, that last one I might do it for, but only if I was under extreme duress!"

Oh who am I kidding, I'd go find the leader of this stupid organization and give them a spanking they'd never forget right in front of their charges with a god damn smile on my face if it meant she'd do that.

"If it means you'll help me out… Then, _yes_." O- _kay_ , now where would one go to find out the location of a rabid animal with a fifty foot pole up their ass, with a following of slightly less carnal beasties with ten foot poles up their collective asses? "Why do you have to make this so damn _difficult_ Blake?! You want me to help out? _Fine_! But if those pieces of filth you once called comrades try anything against either of us, they'll be finding more than a few missing limbs in their future!" Growling in irritation, I pushed back in my seat and stood up. "Seeing as how I doubt this lost little monkey boy is going to be leaving you- and by extension, _me_ \- any time soon, he will be taking point, while you take middle, and I leave myself last for when we go scout whatever stupid lead you have, here." "Uh, okay, _why_?" "You're both faunus- I'm _not_ \- and the White Fang members have a chance of remembering Blake, so you'll have first position while we look around while Blake will be directly behind you to give you any prevalent information you might need in this mission, while also looking out for any danger the two of us otherwise could miss, like them flanking us, while I make sure nobody ambushes from behind, whilst getting rid of any trail those butt sniffers could find and trace back to us." "Huh. Seems legit." Now while the stupid ape seemed mollified, Blake was anything but. "And what is the _real_ reasoning for these positions?" Damned girl knew me too well.

"The blonde with the tail is going first so that if anything attacks us from the front, I can use him as a meat shield-" " _WHY_?!" "-And I'm not stupid enough to believe you aren't going to try something absolutely idiotic, so you are being placed in front of me so that I can stop any funny business… Well, that and if I am being forced to do this, I am most certainly getting SOMETHING out of it, and that something will just have to be watching your _sweet_ , sweet ass walking around in booty shorts as we may or may not be leading ourselves to our doom."

* * *

Now, while most people would find hiding on the rooftops of buildings in a docking bay watching a bunch of simplistic buffoons carry Dust into freight cars and other some such carrying vessels boring, I found it to be a great time to become philosophical and ask myself the important questions to life.

Like what did I do in the past to make so much bad karma for myself to end up in this position in the first place(Well, besides the murder, pillaging, and pestilence I spread throughout the lands, at least.), how much wood _could_ a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood(The answer: Nineteen.), just how many favorites and followers was this chapter going to rake in for this story(The answer: Zero.), how many pancakes could that tiny girl Nora pack away(Too many, apparently, and it all seemed to go straight to her plump rear end and chest that seemed to rival, if not surpass that of the blonde with the chinese last name on our sister team.), when were the Chicago Bears finally going to go to the Super Bowl again, let alone _win_ one(Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, oh, I crack myself up.), if a man and a woman _don't_ love each other very much, how is a baby made(Lots and lots of adultery, as I've found out through the years.), or, my all time favorite, did being a millennium old super powered ghost going after ripe and nubile seventeen year olds make me a colossal pedophile(Hell yes, but still. All of the poon!)?

"So, can we leave, or am I going to keep getting quite intimately familiar with your rear bumpers, Blake?" "Not yet. I need to see why the White Fang have decided to partner with _Roman Torchwick_ of all people, first." Sighing in resigned displeasure, I sent my somewhat annoyed gaze the monkeys way. "Bananas- _really_? Can you get ANY more stereotypical?" "What? They're a great source of potassium!" "And ill begotten racial slurs." I rolled my eyes and started to look away, only to see he had an entire bundle of them. "Oh come on, man, that is just-" I froze though, as I counted the three untouched bananas on the stem and the one in his hand. "Wasn't there a _fifth_ banana?" I asked him as he paused briefly to look over the fruit he had on hand, before shrugging and resuming his feast. "Uh, yeah. I ate it, though." "And… Where is the _peel_?!" "That? I think I threw it… Over… There." At that, all three of us turned agonizingly slowly to down below, where the white suited hooker(Why was a hooker wearing a suit- or better yet, why was a hooker wearing so much _mascara_?) took a step, and immediately looked down as he(She?) stepped smack dab on a banana peel. "You, dumb, _fuck_." "Find the intruder!"

After that, everything went up in chaos as White Fang grunts hurriedly started scanning the place for anything suspicious while the ones carrying the Dust into containers sped up their process in case they had to take off early, and if _that_ wasn't enough, the cat that I was going to be doing more than squirting water in the face of next to me leapt off the roof and foolishly held the _master criminal_ at sword point(What is even the point of that, everyone and their fucking mothers have Aura nowadays anyway!), and the other blonde went to follow her, but ended up surrounded by guns and white uniformed dicks(Well, to be more politically correct, one of them WAS a cock.). "I am _so_ making her give me a 'Sorry/Make-up' blowjob after we get out of here." Face palming once for the sheer stupidity of this situation, I then reached into my pockets and pulled out two, one foot long silver baton, which I tapped together a few times to make them span out and become two triangular daggers that had a thin, tapered point at the ends, but went down to become six inches of metal with an inch wider guard, as well(You know what, I can mass produce weapons out of my butthole like clockwork, but when it comes to describing them, I am worse than a squirrel trying to win the Texas bullfrog rodeo, so just look up a fucking Iberian, triangular dagger for the blade portion of this fucking thing.), which was connected to a strangely nylon covered handle, followed by a bulbous pommel with a suspicious flat end, completing the strange weapons. "Well, I wanted to test run these babies, and I guess that time is now. _Joy_." Twisting the handles of each of the weapons with my hands a bit, each flat end of the pommels opened up, revealing a small containment unit that looked just big enough to fit a couple of decent sized Dust crystals. Putting the right dagger into my left hand for a moment, I reached back into my pocket and retrieved a few crystals of yellow Dust and started to place some inside each of the daggers open compartments. "Here's to hoping- and then here's to saying 'Fuck you' to whatever deity makes this go wrong." Closing back up the lids, I quickly started to rub each end of the pommels together, hoping to spark a bit of electricity for the next part. "No, no, no, no- YES!" Finally feeling the Dust kicking in, the ends started to spark dangerously, to the point where my hands were starting to numb from the electricity running through them. "Aaaaaaaand now, I do this." Taking the right dagger slowly, I started grinding the pommel onto the blade for a few seconds, before the blade literally lit up in a dazzling display of lightning.

"Sweet!" Doing the same to the other blade, I cackled in immense glee as I know held two stun batons- only they were sharp, pointy, and liable to poke someone's eye out while simultaneously frying some poor persons brain. "Ready or not- here comes _Jauney_!" Flipping off the building, I landed not far from where the blonde monkey(Wait, did I ever get his name? Bah, doesn't matter.) was avoiding gunshots and various blunt and sharp objects trying to kill him. Not really in a pleasant mood, I sped into a blur before stabbing the nearest faunus in the chest, violently shocking him and ending his life as his heart couldn't take the volts of electricity to his system that quickly or in such a quantity. "You, monkey-boy." "My name is _Sun_ -" "Yeah, couldn't care less. Go make sure Blake doesn't get herself killed before I can reach her, I'll handle the trash." Though, from the looks of it, my training hadn't gone to waste, and she actually looked to be pushing the criminal back instead of the other way around. "Uh, you sure?" Not a second later, he disappeared from the sight of my baleful glare before I returned my attention to the soon to be dead sheep to the slaughter(Yes, one of them was an actual sheep- or ram, whatever- and yes, I _was_ going to be making quite a lot of puns in the next five minutes.).

"Quick, shoot him down!" "Yeeeeeeeah, not gonna happen." Before the one who spoke could react, I appeared behind him, grabbed his tiger like tail, and cut it off at the base, cauterizing the wound almost instantly either from the intense heat of the electricity or the friction the speed of my attack caused, but either way he started screaming in pain not soon afterward. "Yeesh, what a _pussy_ \- am I right?" Quickly reaching around, I stabbed the same dagger through the bottom of his jaw, jamming it right into brain from the angle, and ending this one's life as well. "No more screams? What, _cat_ got your tongue?" " _KILL_ HIM!" Flipping over the body as it was then riddled with bullet shots, I ducked into a crouch and leapt across the yard, slashing the tendons in the left shin of a dog faunus this time, causing her to yell and get forced to her knees. "Hm. Well, you certainly don't look like your in heat, but I can make a _bitch_ of you, yet." Standing back up, I tightened my grip around the handles of my daggers, and shoved them into either side of her head, quickly frying her brain and even causing the outer parts of her eye balls to start melting from the heat inside her head. Not done with the ragtag group, however, I sped through the bunched up faunus and clotheslined the last in the lineup, sending them sprawling to the floor, winded. "Okay, even I can admit that last one was absolute garbage, but you'll have to forgive me. Killing just turns me on so much, and I can't really think of any good puns when I am this _horny_!" Reaching down, I cut off one of his horns, and when it went flying through the air, I slammed it down with the pommel of one of my daggers and sent it straight through his heart, not killing him yet, but certainly going to in another minute or so. "And another bites the- woah!" Rolling aside to avoid another hail of bullets, I glanced down and saw the severed tail of the tiger I killed and grabbed it before heading towards the group again. "He has a short range, make sure he can't strike you and kill him!" Letting them believe that they actually had a chance, I took a slice at what appeared to be a peacock faunus(The thing had much too colored hair to be anything else, really-), but they dodged back narrowly, managing to only get slightly cut and get a slight jolt for their troubles. "He's open, now!" Smirking, I whipped the tail at the nearest one(Ugh, maybe this one was the ugly duckling, cause it had the face not even a mother could love!) and managed to grip his wrist, and pull him to me, using him to shield myself form the bullets, but sadly for him, his poor Aura reserves couldn't exactly take the beating and was soon filled with more holes than the tiger before the others could stop their assault in time.

"Ouch, that's gonna leave some damage; don't worry though, just put it on my _bill_!" "What- What _is_ he?!" I grinned maliciously. "Death, obviously." Not letting them regain any composure, I took the tail again and jumped on top of the peacock girl, making her yelp before I swiftly ended that by wrapping the appendage around her neck, choking her out. "Heh heh, now this is what I call auto- _narcissistic_ -asphyxiation!" Tying a knot out of the tail tight enough to still cut off the air flow through her pipes, I slammed my right hands dagger down into her right arm, stabbing through her arm and into the ground, pinning it and not letting her have both hands to untie the knot with before I could come back or let it kill her(Whichever came first.), I left the blue faced faunus and headed towards the group again, who finally looked like they regained some semblance of control over themselves. "S-Stop him!" Yeah, because the other times you tried that they worked out _so_ well. Rolling my eyes, I rolled forward, avoiding a large beast of a man, who looked like some kind of orangutan with massive arms filled with orange hair, I stabbed my only dagger into his knee-cap, causing him to roar in fury, before I kicked the other knee out from under him, making him tilt and fall forward, face first into the ground. Not giving him time to recover, I jumped as high as I could into the air(Which was actually fairy high, considering I could now see Beacon standing over the cliff where I couldn't get even a glimpse before from down there.), and soon let gravity take over, and quite viciously _slammed_ both feet into the back of his relatively small head(Compared to the rest of his body, at least.), squashing it with no further resistance from the oversized gorilla as viscous red paste flew everywhere. "Keep your hands off me, ya damn dirty _ape_." Leaning backwards to avoid another swing of a fist, I backflipped as soon as the other hand of a rather rontound male faunus(A pig, if the squiggly tail behind him was anything to go by.) swung down on my position, landing a few feet in front of the now sweating piggy(Though whether that was because I dodged his attacks or because of the actual attacks was yet to be decided.). "I think this is about the time where you go 'wee-wee-wee' all the way home." And he did, but as he turned around and started waddling away, I threw my remaining dagger and lodged it into his lower back, directly in between separate points in his spinal column, causing him to fall to the ground and slowly become roast as the electricity from the weapon superheated his body from the inside. "Mmm! I love the smell of _bacon_ in the morning… Evening… Whatever." Moving forward to retrieve the misplaced(Well, to the corpse it's residing in its misplaced.) blade, but I clicked my teeth not soon after as I jumped back to avoid a storm of bullets from two thirds of the last White Fang members. "Ah, now that's just not kosher- wait, is that sacrilegious because of Mr. Piggy over there?" Dodging more bullets, I then had to duck as a ratty looking man(The puns just keep on making themselves!) swung a knife at me, hoping to get me while I was distracted, but to no avail.

"Speaking of no avail-" As I rolled away from a hail of bullets and a very stabby man(Was stabby an emotion? Don't know, go watch ICarly to find out!... Fuck, how do you spell that shit-), I happened to land not too far from the now oxygen deprived faunus with the multi-colored hair, so I took no extra time from taking my other blade out of their arm and swiftly blocked another slash from rat man, surprising him enough for me to position my blade under the knife and knock it out of his hand, before just as quickly making sure he had no chance of picking it back up by easily slicing off the hand he used to wield it with, disarming him(It technically wasn't a pun this time, because I only cut off his hand!) and once again cauterizing the wound before any blood could be spilled, though that didn't stop the screams that then spilled out of his mouth.

Not really in any mood for a bigger headache than I already had thanks to these out of hand events constantly going on, so I reached out once he opened his mouth, and viciously stuck my hand inside the mouth, and, grabbing the back of his hand with my dagger holding hand, I pulled down harshly, silencing him and ripping his jaw out at the same time, finally letting blood escape from one of my victims as it pooled around on the ground once the man knelt down on his knees, uselessly trying to stem the flow, but failing utterly(Especially with only one hand.), and I left him to bleed out as the last two faunus shakily held their rifles towards me, now entirely sure they were fucked. But, being generous, I decided to give them some mercy. So, when I went back to the pig and got my last dagger out of the corpse, I looked over at the two spooked Fang members and grinned malevolently. "Boo." At that, they shrieked and dropped their weapons, and started running away back to the Bullheads that had appeared not long after my massacre.

Of course, that was before I chucked one of my daggers to the sky, at just the right angle for it to cut the rope holding a suspended yellow cargo vessel in the air, making it fall to the ground and subsequently smashing the two into paste once it finished its trip to the ground.

And by mercy, I mean giving them a swift death unlike most of the other members I gave to today. "Well, hope you had a nice _fall_ , because I would say it was _smashing_ \- oh me, you crack yourself up." Shaking my head in amusement, I walked over to the freight cart and picked up my fallen dagger once it returned from the sky. "Though this thing is an eyesore, at least it covers the carnage I may or may not have created from anyone first coming into the lot, so I should have enough time to get Blake and bail… And hopefully pinning this whole thing on the monkey, but, I doubt with my luck it'll work out." Walking past the cargo, though, I couldn't hold back a groan of annoyance as, even though Blake was able to handle Torchwick fairly well, the herd of no doubt stolen Bullheads standing behind him was going to be a pain in the _ass_ to deal with. "I don't think these things, even combined, have enough charge to short circuit those planes, sadly…" "JAUNE!" At the sound of my name from an all too familiar voice, I looked over to the top of a nearby building, and saw something that I _really_ wish I hadn't. "Ruby…? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" "Hot-cakes!" "AND PE- JENNY TOO?! COME ON!" Not really giving me time to react, the bullheads then opened fire on the two faunus among us(Huh. That rhymed.), making them back up until they were standing next to me, and the two on the building soon followed them and landed near me, also.

"Ruby, what the hell are you doing here- and since when did you have enough hair to put into two ponytails and sling them over your shoulders?" At a closer look(How did I not notice this earlier in the chapter- fucking writer of the story…), the girl had let the back of her hair grow out, and she had put them into two ponytails, tied up by two crimson ribbons, and she threw them over her shoulders not unlike that of the lightning chick from that one Final Fantasy game. "Bah, never mind that! Why are you and the nice Professor lady here?!" "Well, you kind of went missing yesterday, so we went looking for you and Blake, and once Professor Jenny found out you were gone, she went off in search of you too, and then she found me, and then we heard explosions and gun fire from over here, and we were like 'Oh no!' but the sounds were like 'Oh yes!' so we-" "I think I can get the gist of it, Ruby- also, remember to breath." As the young girl gulped in the precious life gas, I looked back at a tired Roman with narrowed eyes.

He could have easily had the death machines behind him start pelting us in a rain of metal, but he hadn't, which meant he had another plan to deal with us, which, obviously, meant _not good_. "You should just give it up, Roman, baby. You might have Bullheads, but we had four Hunters and Huntresses-in-Training, plus an actual Professor from Beacon. Do you _really_ think you have a shot of winning this?" "Ha! You mean to say you have two fleabags, a runt, a ginger with no soul, and a cocky boy way in over his head if he thinks he can match ME!" Did he just make a ginger joke?

As a former orange head myself, I could not let this slight go!

"You realize that the 'Fleabags' were beating the crap out of you before this stand-off happened, the 'Runt' ALREADY beat the crap out of you a few months back, plus you're kind of calling the kettle black here with the no-soul thing, because at least she is a natural redhead, and _not_ a notoriously known shoddy criminal, and this cocky boy is at least not willing to bat for the opposite team, unlike _someone_ I am currently looking at." "And what does _that_ supposed to mean?" "I think you can figure it out yourself. Or is all the products in your hair and make-up on your face making it hard to see the truth, Mrs. 'Thot'." At that, he grit his teeth in anger and I continued. "I mean, seriously, it's like you're a SUPER prostitute or something. I have never seen someone wearing so much mascara before so willing to be brought down to their knees! But hey, I'll throw you a bone here- well, one that _isn't_ the one you are so doggedly after, apparently, and let you be the top for once." While the other 'redhead'(I was skeptical that it was even his THIRD hair color in his entire life.) was simmering in his growing hatred for me, I was still skeptical about what he was doing just standing there and taking these insults without calling for our heads.

Though, at the subtle sound of glass shattering above me, and the near silent whistle of ablade flying through the air, I quickly looked up and deadpanned as I finally figured it out.

"Karma just absolutely _hates_ me, doesn't she?" Grabbing the monkey boy by the tail, I slung him away from the surrounding area as he yelped, while picking up Ruby and Blake by their collars and threw them decidedly more gently than I did the blonde faunus, before looking at Jenny and slightly pushing her a few inches to the right. "Um, Honey, are you-"

And just in time, too, because as soon as I was finished with that, the red container filled to the brim with Dust crystals fell _straight_ onto me.

* * *

" _JAUNE?!" Ruby and Blake were the first to appear next to the freight container, while Sun and Jenny were still in the process of figuring out just what the heck happened. "Jaune, n-no, NO!" "HAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, I have never gotten so much enjoyment from seeing someone SMASHED to death! A shame that he was able to save the rest of you dolts, no matter how little it the fact counts when you'll be joining him in the next few minutes!" As the robot girl finally regained her senses and the other girls fell to their knees in tears, Sun angrily clenched a fist before he shouted over to the criminal. "SHUT UP! He gave up his life to save us, and I'll be DAMNED if a petty thief like you belittles his sacrifice!" Apparently, the monkey's little speech did wonders for the two crying girls, as they almost instantly went from sorrow to rage, with it all directed to the laughing villain, along with a desperate sense of hope. "J-Jaune…!" "W-Well, we can still look on the bright side as well. He-He might still be alive because of his Aura down their, a-and his, his stubbornness to live!" "FAT CHANCE! Do you even realize how much those things can weigh_ _ **by themselves**_ _?! Easily a few thousand pounds, and that's not to mention it fell from a good fifty or so feet, and that it's even HEAVIER because of all the Dust inside! He's dead, and the world is all the better off because of it!"_

 _Not a second after he had said it, he lost all the breath in his body as a screaming mass of red and black slammed into him, tumbling them both to the ground. And just as he got his bearings back, he lost them just as quick when a punch made its way into his fact, courtesy of a crying and angry Ruby Rose. "BE QUIET! I lost ANOTHER important person to me today because of you, and I'm not going to let you go THIS TIME!" "Gah- hey, any time now, you mutts!" Just as he said that, one of the Bullheads pulled onto land, and out came a dozen or so more grunts from the White Fang, ready to help(Hesitantly.) the hardened criminal, but couldn't get even get close before a black and white blur slammed into the front most member, sending them flying as Blake now took her chance to let off some anger, not really caring at this point that it was her fellow faunus that her anger was aimed at._

 _Sadly for them, there were still more Bullheads out there, and another pulled up and sent out more White Fang members, but this time, the other faunus interrupted them before they could do anything. And just as the last two got into position to start opening fire at the groups, an unnecessarily large shot of pure energy slammed into the side of one of the machines, making it spin out of control for a few seconds before it crashed into the ground and exploded in a blaze of fire. The other Bullhead was now wary of whatever had just destroyed its partner, but it could do nothing as a glaring ginger haired robot slammed into it head on, actually managing to send it flying back several feet before it could stop itself. Though it did little once the girl broke open the windshield and climbed inside to make a mess in there._

 _Back at the ground level, however, it wasn't looking so good._

 _While Blake was able to take on her grunts with only moderate difficulty, the blonde faunus wasn't expecting such a steep level up from the original grunts he had to fight, and quickly lost consciousness when he was caught off guard from the skill the people had and couldn't adjust accordingly in time before he was knocked out, thus leaving the rest of the grunts to move over Blake and start their battle with her alongside their comrades. And while that was happening, an enraged young girl kept pummeling a now bloody and beaten Roman until she was unceremoniously kicked off his body by a none too pleased short woman with brown and pink hair and dichromatic eyes. Not seeing this coming, either, she was helpless against the onslaught of both of them together, and quickly joined the small pile consisting of an unconscious Sun and a tied up Blake._

" _Okay- so to start, you not only ruined my Dust heist, you made me waste hundreds, if not THOUSANDS in supplies, cost me a couple of Bullheads, and most importantly, MADE A FOOL OUT OF ME AND MY FACE!" Clicking his cane gun to indicate his loading of a shot, the livid criminal pointed it at the group of bodies that made up of Beacon(And, whatever school the monkey goes to-) students. "Time to die, kiddos!" And just as he pressed the button to fire, he of course didn't see red freight container headed straight for him and the rest of his ragtag group, and was thus unprepared when it finally DID hit him and the others, sending them flying like improvised baseballs as they soared through the air and landed in various positions across the yard. "Fuck… That… HURT!" The two still conscious in the group couldn't swivel their heads fast enough at the sound of the voice, and were both surprised and equally unsurprised at who it was._

* * *

"JAUNE!" "Oh come… On. Did you really think I was… Actually dead?" I gave them a grin(Or as best a grin one could give when over a quarter of your jaw bone was crushed to near dust.) and set down the cargo cart with my one good arm(The right one, as the left arm was bent backwards at the elbow, making a kind of 'V' out of my arm, with the bone sticking out the end of it- though, I say that objectively as the right arm was basically a crushed pancake at this point. A wonder I can even move it, really.) and sagged to the ground, neither of my legs being able to hold me up any longer(Considering the right one was barely holding itself to my body at the thigh by a few strands of muscle, and the left had the entire foot bent backwards with a bone- not sure which one, really, because my vision was blurry from all the blood leaking out of my cracked skull(Might have popped one of the eyes in all actuality. The left one kind of felt smushed in its socket.)- sticking out of the knee towards the sky… Which, wasn't good, actually, because I am pretty sure it was a bone that came from my thigh.). "Oh boy, feeling kind of… Light headed, now." "L-Look, just, just stay there, Jaune! We'll call for help, and you'll be fine!"

"I hope so… My brain kind of feels like the majority of it was flattened, and I wouldn't want to forget how to lick my forehead with my tongue!" "Uh, what?" "I just got flattened, here. Give me a break." "Er, right, sorry." Sighing, I let myself be guided down into the lap of a now freed Blake, and for probably the first time since the beginning of Initiation at Beacon, I found myself drifting off. "Hey… Blake?" "Yeah, Jaune?" Her voice was soft and soothing as she carefully threaded her fingers through my hair(Or what was left of it, as my skull piercing the top part of my head made some of it fall out.). "I… Hope you know where to find enough chocolate sauce to cover your entire body in, because I am going to milk you for _all_ you're worth." Now she couldn't help but sigh as I fully went to dream land. "As long as it's for you, I don't think I'll mind it much."


End file.
